Argument - shellshocked still

FatVonD

This doesn't sound healthy or like it's going to end well, in your shoes I'd be trying to get my daughter out of that relationship pretty sharpish.

FatVonD

olibrofiz wrote: »

wakes her in the night & starts accusing etc

The guy is clearly a nutter. This really isn't going to end well.

olibrofiz

FatVonD wrote: »

This doesn't sound healthy or like it's going to end well, in your shoes I'd be trying to get my daughter out of that relationship pretty sharpish.

DD is a sensible teen, and even tho the bf is polite, friendly etc with me, i certainly won't be making any encouraging noises....

.

olibrofiz

FatVonD wrote: »

The guy is clearly a nutter. This really isn't going to end well.

i hadn't realised the extent of his 'issues' !!!

aridjis

Sounds like it's just teenage angst. Yes, if it were an older man behaving like this I would run for the hills!!

claire16c

He sounds way too obsessed even if he is a teenager. I would definitely be talking about healthy relationships with your daughter again.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

olibrofiz wrote: »

marisco, you hit the nail on the head, with all your comments - if i could thank you more than once for your insightful post, i would. thank you everyone else for your thoughts too.

it was the bf doing the shouting etc, and by allowing them to continue in front of me i was hopeful they could reach a decision (one of dd's friends was there also, trying to referee, so it wasn't me as 'interfering mother' alone). DD has said bf shouted at her, accused her of things she hadn't done, wakes her in the night & starts accusing etc - i haven't witnessed any of that, but got the whole range on Sat night :eek:

I was shocked to see the depth of bf's insecurities tbh, and his attempts to get me on 'his side' - it's everyone elses fault seemingly.

They are having some 'space', although he keeps txt & ringing her, then txt & ringing her because she isn't responding instantly. so i have had a convo with him explaining the meaning of 'space' & that shouting gets you nowhere (@ dd's request because he was getting frantic with 'where are you now' texts, & telling her this was all her fault?). his replies were along the lines of he knew he had issues...'is she with you'.....thanks for all i've done for him....'IS she with you?'...no one will love DD like he does.....'IS she WITH yoooou???'

i can only hope my DD makes the right choice, we've had convos about healthy relationships, destructive ones, & i have everything tightly crossed...

And i've just re-read my post and thought 'run for the hills...'

Never mind getting you to talk to him, unless she has an iphone (which is really really annoying), there's an option on practically every other phone on the planet - BLOCK the psycho.

Of course, you put it more gently than that - 'you know, you could block his number and that would save you all the hassle of these calls and texts' and leave it there.

Does sound like a relationship going towards being abusive. If you don't count being sleep deprived, accused of things, harassed and attempts to alienate her from her own mother and his parents as being abusive already - which I do.

londonsurrey

All things considered, I think you made the right judgement call - it's a thousand times better that this incident took place in your house, where you witnessed it, and you are able to label the behaviour, and most importantly help your daughter identify and label it correctly.

Too many people get caught up in abusive relationships because it takes so long for them to cotton on to what exactly is happening with a person who keeps on telling them that they love them and care for them.

sassyblue

olibrofiz wrote: »

it was the bf doing the shouting

Wow, can't believe you let him do that to your daughter in your house - yes l know she has to learn herself - but i'd have stepped in much earlier. It's an abusive relationship, l hope she doesn't want him back.

pigpen

I'd have chucked them both out and told them to come back when they could speak in a reasonable tone and act like the adults they think they are and wanted to be treated as.. my house.. my rules and arguing is NOT permitted!!

If you are on good terms with his parents I'd ring them and discuss it with them and explain what would happen in that situation again and if he wanted to walk 20 miles in freezing cold let him.. you will be warm.. just as him to text to let you know when he is home safe!