Argument - shellshocked still

Funky_Bold_Ribena

I have to say if anyone [bf or not] was shouting like that in my house they wouldn't be here long. Snow or no snow.

You need to sit your daughter down and tell her what can happen if she continues with this loser.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

pigpen wrote: »

I'd have chucked them both out and told them to come back when they could speak in a reasonable tone and act like the adults they think they are and wanted to be treated as.. my house.. my rules and arguing is NOT permitted!!

If you are on good terms with his parents I'd ring them and discuss it with them and explain what would happen in that situation again and if he wanted to walk 20 miles in freezing cold let him.. you will be warm.. just as him to text to let you know when he is home safe!

I would have let him go and called his parents to let them know he was on his way and to send a taxi or go pick him up themselves.

Justicia

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

I would have let him go and called his parents to let them know he was on his way and to send a taxi or go pick him up themselves.

Could be tricky...

olibrofiz wrote: »

(they're not in the UK at the mo).

:D

from what's been written, I'd personally be monitoring this situation and be ready to step in and assist as necessary (possibly, in removing him from her life).

sassyblue

I missed the bit about them not bring in the UK, but he still rang them to tell them OP was 'chucking him out'. What a drama llama!

jetplane

What a drama llama!

Totally agree, to me his threatening to walk home in the snow and then phoning his parents when they are abroad is attention seeking.

It's hard for teenagers to recognise the seeds of abuse. Now I'm not saying he is an abuser but here is a link I hope it works it is from the freedom programme and it is a good visual for what is healthy / unhealthy in a relationship. maybe your daughter can look at this?

Keep scrolling Mr Good is on the second page

http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/docs/mrgoodbad-english.pdf

smartpicture

Sounds like your daughter is starting to realise for herself it's not on. Sometimes you can't help getting involved though. My teenage daughter had a boyfriend full of insecurities and rows and accusations at our house which I stayed out of, apart from talking to her on her own occasionally about it to help her realise she didn't have to put up with it. I waded right in however once he brought his mother to my house to tell my daughter what a wicked person she was for making him cry :eek: Fortunately that was the last straw for my daughter.

You have to trust that if your family doesn't put with that kind of nonsense in their relationships, she will eventually realise for herself it's no way to live.

murrayfan_2

Yes I've had to get involved before with my son and his boyfriend - who had a lot of issues. I really liked the boyfriend, felt for him as he'd had a very harsh childhood and no real family. He used to contact me directly and tell me how much he loved my son, etc......
I acted as referee and peace maker, and how did it end?. I found out that the bf hit my son during a row (not in our home). An absolute nightmare. Unfortunately you do have to let your kids grow up and work out who to trust, as an adult I (obviously) still get this wrong sometimes!. But your daughter's boyfriend does sound unstable to be honest.
And for what its worth, when they split up, my son didn't blame me but the boyfriend was absolutely horrible, and went round slagging me off to anyone who'd listen

olibrofiz

thank you for your words during this difficult time for us. it got worse, and i can't see it being 100% better for quite a while yet as DD is still distressed about it all. he 'dumped' her & de-friended her on fb, then backtracked, and ranted, then cried, then raved, then begged forgiveness, then spouted words of hatred. DD has now de-friended him and blocked his number on her mobile.

i think one of the saddest moments for me in all this was her putting him on speaker on her mobile (not for my benefit, so her friend who was with her could hear as she just didn't know what to do) and hearing him, having threatened suicide, pleading 'save me' :( i have involved his family, hoping they can get him the help he obviously needs.

marisco_2

How sad that one of your daughters early relationships should be playing out in this way. I feel she is wise beyond her years in the way she is dealing with it all though. You have clearly raised her well, in a loving and supportive home, as she recognised very early on that the treatment she was recieving is not normal or acceptable.

That wont make it any easier to deal with of course and I am sure she will be very greatful for all your support. It sounds as if she has had a lucky escape from a young guy who has many problems that need addressing.

I hope for his sake that he will be willing to take up any offers of help and support that his family find for him. All the best OP.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

olibrofiz wrote: »

thank you for your words during this difficult time for us. it got worse, and i can't see it being 100% better for quite a while yet as DD is still distressed about it all. he 'dumped' her & de-friended her on fb, then backtracked, and ranted, then cried, then raved, then begged forgiveness, then spouted words of hatred. DD has now de-friended him and blocked his number on her mobile.

i think one of the saddest moments for me in all this was her putting him on speaker on her mobile (not for my benefit, so her friend who was with her could hear as she just didn't know what to do) and hearing him, having threatened suicide, pleading 'save me' :( i have involved his family, hoping they can get him the help he obviously needs.

And now you all must step back. It's not her problem, it's not her responsibility. It's his and his alone. He has family. Tell her that under no circumstances, is she able to save him.

For her own safety and mental health, she has to get out and stay out from now on.