Low sex drive :(

twomonkies

loracan1 wrote: »

This is what it sounds like to me - that you get a few days a month when your sex drive perks up (do you take a 7 day break each month and does it coincide?) suggests it is something other than your relationship.

I was on the pill in my twenties, felt exactly like this, it was nothing to do with how I felt about my partner and those couple of days were a saving grace, everything went straight back to normal when I came off it.

yeah I have a seven day break and it's towards the end of this break I perk up, I guess as it's getting out of my system?

I didn't realise this was such a common issue with the pill, this is lending more weight to that idea rather than any other issue with me.

Thanks everyone, you have helped me pluck up the courage to go to the family planning clinic nearby.

My only worry now is what other contraceptive I'd use, the coil sounds good but the thought of it just turns my stomach. I'm very squeamish with anything medical, I'm going dizzy just thinking about it! I'll have to see what options are available I guess.

burnoutbabe

I think from reading about it, if the hormones are causing it, then an IUD (the old copper coil) is the only real non hormonal option (unless you trust condoms, which I don't).

Unless just switching to a slightly different hormonal one works for others? People are saying "come off the pill" but really, what other options are there if you do not want to be pregnant?

Penny-Pincher!!

Have you tried any relaxing techniques....could you be stressed and not relaxed enough? What about fooling around with some toys or light movies? Sometimes just lightening up about sex can makes things happen naturally as you're not stressing about it.

You could probably do with some blood tests to see how your hormones are doing, then take it from there? Can I ask if you're underweight, overweight....or very body conscious?

Racheldevon

It's definately worth exploring you contraceptive options as others have said. Once you've tried this, if you're still experiencing difficulties, it worth considering Relate who offer a range of services, including couples and psychosexual therapy which might be helpful. Good luck.

lostinrates

burnoutbabe wrote: »

I think from reading about it, if the hormones are causing it, then an IUD (the old copper coil) is the only real non hormonal option (unless you trust condoms, which I don't).

Unless just switching to a slightly different hormonal one works for others? People are saying "come off the pill" but really, what other options are there if you do not want to be pregnant?

The coil is also a great option for some. I have an friend who uses it despite not being in a sexual relationship because it works well for other things for her.

I really like condoms. (Certain brands). I am infertile but we would have liked a child, nevertheless condoms are useful in some situations regardless of whatever contraception (or not) you are on.


Fwiw, though I am not an advocate of the pill for everybody I would not say to ANYONE ' come off the pill''. I'd only suggest to consider it. It's not going to be the solution for everyone, to be on it or not to be on it. Had it been a better option for me now we are resigned to not having kids I would be taking it to help regulate PCOC had it suited me! I think the pill is a fantastic, fantastic revolutionary thing....I just don't think it's as universally suited to all women as we wish it was. I know in previous relationships their was always some 'pressure' and implication I was 'selfish' for not using the pill because there is an idea it is great for all of us, but it was not my experience.

If its the best solution for someone, I think they would be silly NOT to use it!:)

Lara44

I also felt a big change after having the implant removed. Not sure I would go back to hormonal contraception now. Like Grumpygit I hate having periods and mood swings again - but the higher sex drive is an upside. I also feel much more confident in myself and my body now I am in my 30s, I think that has made a big difference as well.

bitemebankers

It makes sense to check for any medical issues, as suggested above, but there is the possibility that you naturally have a low sex drive and there's nothing wrong with that. People vary a lot from the asexual at one end of the scale to people with sex addiction problems at the other end of the scale. Between the two is a broad spectrum of normal. What's more, people's sex drives can vary quite a bit over time.

aileth

I couldn't give a monkey's uncle whether I have it or not, and this has applied to all my partners. I wouldn't be bothered if I never had it again. I have thought I'm possibly asexual, as I've never had a sex drive per se. If it happens, great (and ofc blokes are always up for getting down and dirty so it keeps the OH happy) and I will be as enthusiastic as I can. Of course, I would never tell OH this as chances are he'd take it as a slight against his person. The only difference is I don't think I've ever initiated an encounter, but OH doesn't seem to mind.

However, if you've gone from having one to not having one, I would agree it's hormonal!

valk_scot

Just to say that a good alternative barrier method is the cap. It's not fashionable at the moment (goodness knows why, the Mooncap is after all) but used properly it's very effective and it has zero hormonal effect. I used one for may years and though Hubby and I are a very fertile combo (I fell pregnant very easily when we started trying, every time) I never had so much as a scare while using the cap.

bitemebankers

aileth wrote: »

I couldn't give a monkey's uncle whether I have it or not, and this has applied to all my partners. I wouldn't be bothered if I never had it again. I have thought I'm possibly asexual, as I've never had a sex drive per se.

Seems like a reasonable conclusion.

If it happens, great (and ofc blokes are always up for getting down and dirty

This is a complete myth. There are plenty of guys who have low sex drive / no sex drive, but you tend not to hear about them because there's a huge social taboo surrounding the admission of such a thing. There's someone for everyone though