Low sex drive :(

pukkamum

I am very similar I have a kind of can't be bothered kind of attitude that i have to make a real effort to break. It's not that I don't enjoy it once in the act I love it. So I have to kind of just go with it, doing it even if I don't feel particularly in the mood, if we waited til I was in the mood we would only have sex once a month!
So instead of an automatic no I say yes more often and it works, i'm not saying have sex just because your partner wants to just try saying yes a bit more.
I once read something very true I think it was that women need to feel loved to have sex and men need sex to feel loved.
Also I started taking a zinc supplement as low zinc levels which a lot of women suffer from affect libido as did being on the pill for me, I now have a coil.

twomonkies

Thanks all or your responses, sorry I don't have time to reply individually. It's good to hear I'm not on my own with this. I know it's probably just natural and there are plenty of women who feel the same, it just bothers me that it affects our relationship.

Thanks for the zinc tip too

waccoe_2

pukkamum wrote: »

I once read something very true I think it was that women need to feel loved to have sex and men need sex to feel loved.

Now that is spot on.

lostinrates

twomonkies wrote: »

Thanks all or your responses, sorry I don't have time to reply individually. It's good to hear I'm not on my own with this. I know it's probably just natural and there are plenty of women who feel the same, it just bothers me that it affects our relationship.

Thanks for the zinc tip too

I think you are far from on your own. Fwiw being on the pill was terrible, terrible, terrible for my sex drive. I didn't really equate it with the pill until I came off it and perked up again, at which point I spoke to a lot of my female friends who, it turned out, were finding the same thing themselves. It's a joke in my friendship circle that that is how the pill works. :D.

For those who it suits among my friends it is perfect and a great, the best solution, for those of us who it doesn't the impact seems to have been insidious and stressful. For me realising the pill was not the solution for me ( or us, as my partner was definitely involved in the decisions) was tremendously liberating. It felt almost not ok to try and justify to myself, my peers and my doctor that I didn't want the pill and I was scared to try othe hormonal or long term control because the impact had been so quietly huge. But that hurdle was in my mind mainly, unlike the pill, which really did seem to switch me off.

loracan1

lostinrates wrote: »

I think you are far from on your own. Fwiw being on the pill was terrible, terrible, terrible for my sex drive. I didn't really equate it with the pill until I came off it and perked up again,

This is what it sounds like to me - that you get a few days a month when your sex drive perks up (do you take a 7 day break each month and does it coincide?) suggests it is something other than your relationship.

I was on the pill in my twenties, felt exactly like this, it was nothing to do with how I felt about my partner and those couple of days were a saving grace, everything went straight back to normal when I came off it.

Wellyboots6

Just another perspective which may not work for you at all, but may be worth mentioning...

I have had weird hormonal issues for a while and finally plucked up the courage to speak to the GP. I booked an appointment with the female GP at our surgery who I always try to see, as like yours, the male GPs seem to be quite dismissive.

When I arrived for my appointment it turned out that she was off sick and her appointments were covered by one of the male GPs I really didn't like.

I was going to cancel and re-book, but then decided that as I had plucked up the courage to go I may as well give it a try.

Turns out he was that uncomfortable/embarrassed (or at least it seemed he was!) that he booked me all sorts of tests, gave me all sorts of advice etc just so he didn't have to sit there and talk about the details. It was actually the most productive appointment I have had with him! I think from now on I am going to book in to see him for 'womens problems' as I know he will do what he can to get it sorted to get rid of me!!

I have found the pill has affected me in a similar way. Also, I suffer from depression and when I am having an episode I could happily do without sex for the rest of my life!

I think the low sex drive issue is a lot more common than you realise. It's not something people tend to talk about and so you are unlikely to hear about it.

TeamLowe

I never had the pill due to a family history of high blood pressure and a general distrust of it (I always preferred condoms- you can see them working) until I was given dianette (I think, the anti-androgyn) foe the treatment of PCOS and my sex drive plummeted so I do think the pill could be an issue, would you be able to consider a short break from taking any hormonal contraceptive to see if that helps? I think you're meant to to take a break every few years anyway but family planning would be best place for advice

Tygermoth

Another vote for the pill being the issue.

It killed any drive I had... stone.cold.dead.

Another vote also for the family planning - I personally feel they are more knowledgeable as its their specialist area and much easier to get an appt with

I also now take zinc, this too has (imho) a very positive impact

Grumpygit

I too believe that it's the pill that you're on.

I am on Cerezette which is well known for making your sex drive plummet - I am sort of torn - I love not having periods but it's playing havoc with me - I am never in the mood and just don't feel horny!

When we do have it I love it and sort of have to make myself want it - the more we have it the more I want it and if it doesn't happen I am just fine and then get back into the rut of no sex.

I do like Pukkamum's quote and yes that's true as well.

I've heard that the coil is good - I've just never plucked up the courage to have one (not that we need it for birth control as hubby is sterile) but not having periods is bliss!

caeler

You describe me, similar age too. I noticed my lack of desire in my early 20's and put it down to being under pressure, working really hard as well as going to uni to build my career and running a home for the first time. I was very anxious about it but my ex wasn't very supportive. In the end he had an affair and he left me 'for being frigid'. I did go to the family planning clinic but my concerns were mostly dismissed. I didn't go back. A fews years later I mentioned it to a nurse at my GP surgery and counselling was recommended but there was a really long waiting list and I was made to feel that I'd be taking the place of somebody who really needed it.

After those experiences I tried to get on with my life, I had a couple of relationships afterwards, neither very serious and both lasted a couple of months each, I didn't experience 'performance' problems and would often initiate. So maybe the problem has gone, it is hard to tell when you've not had a relationship in 2 years!

I tried vitamins, exercise, diet, erotica and nothing really worked whilst I was in my long term relationship, I did wonder for a while if I had just fallen out of love and there was a good reason I wasn't in the mood. [It's not you it's me!?]

I'm not sure what the future holds but I am happy at the moment despite being single. I've come to the conclusion that feeling confident in yourself and being happy has alot to do with mood. I hope by sharing my experience you won't feel as alone as I did.