Low sex drive :(

twomonkies

MSE-er in disguise, please be kind, this is embarrassing to write about Also there may be too much information for some so beware!


The problem is I have a very low sex drive. I'm female and in my twenties. I'm in a long term relationship (~7 years) but this has been a fundamental issue in our relationship for a long time. He's a young man and his sex drive is pretty much what you'd expect, but it's not that I just can't keep up, it's just I hardly have the drive at all. (Please don't get the wrong idea, I'm not feeling under pressure from my partner to seek help when I don't want to, this is something I want help with too, for myself.)

I'm only "in the mood" for one or maybe two days a month, these are always towards the end and just after my period so there's clearly a hormonal influence at play. I like feeling like that and just wish I did more often, we feel stronger when we've been together and when we go for weeks on end without sex because it doesn't occur to me, it causes upset for him and me and long-term it's not good for our relationship and is becoming more of an issue as time goes on.

Now I've looked into it online and have read about sexual dysfunction in women, which sounds like me, except that I'm probably younger than the usual sufferers. I think it might be a hormonal problem as I've described. Or perhaps the contraceptive pills I take might be influencing my mood but I can't remember what I was like before them, I'm not sure I was that different. I just don't feel that this is normal? I don't want to just stop taking the pill to find out, I'm not sure there are any other contraceptives I'd be entirely comfortable with and as I've said I'm not confident it's responsible anyway.

I know I should talk to my GP but I'd be mortified talking to him about this. There are only two male GPs at my surgery, I haven't had great experiences with either of them in relation to other medical problems and I feel I'll just embarrass myself. I'm sure I'd be embarrassed in front of a female doctor anyway, I almost said something to the nurse the other day but just couldn't.

Has anybody else had any experience with this, particularly at my age? Is their anything I can do without seeing my GP?

Katexx

It might be worth trying a different brand of contraceptive pill. After a few years on Microgynon my sex drive was non-existant (I was pretty young, only about 18/19 I think) and despite my GP saying it was highly unlikely that a side effect would have started after a few years, I definitely noticed an almost immediate change when I persuaded my GP to prescribe me a different brand.

I was really embarrassed when I mentioned it the first time to my GP but I got over it and now I rarely get bothered about having to discuss other embarrassing problems, heh. They most likely hear far more embarrassing stuff every single day.

twomonkies

Katexx wrote: »

It might be worth trying a different brand of contraceptive pill. After a few years on Microgynon my sex drive was non-existant (I was pretty young, only about 18/19 I think) and despite my GP saying it was highly unlikely that a side effect would have started after a few years, I definitely noticed an almost immediate change when I persuaded my GP to prescribe me a different brand.

I was really embarrassed when I mentioned it the first time to my GP but I got over it and now I rarely get bothered about having to discuss other embarrassing problems, heh. They most likely hear far more embarrassing stuff every single day.

Thanks, I have already done this I'm afraid. I was on microgynon now I'm on cileste. I don't know if another change would help?

I worry that he will think I'm being a hypochondriac. I've been a couple of times with things that he's dismissed, which has been alright with two of the things, but the other thing is still bothering me but he was so unhelpful that I haven't bothered going back (don't worry nothing life threatening!).

I'm sure I should just man-up and ask him but it could go horribly. I saw on the NHS website that you could go to a family planning clinic sometimes, would they be people to talk to? Are they usually women?

Upsidedown_Bear

Link here to find a clinic from the Family Planning Association.

http://www.fpa.org.uk/helpandadvice/findaclinic

You might find this helpful too.

http://www.fpa.org.uk/helpandadvice/sexualproblems
http://www.fpa.org.uk/helpandadvice/askwes

mummybearx

My local family planning clinic has one male doctor working that I remember. Not seen him for a while though. My clinic has about 4 nurses, 3 on reception and 3 doctors, all female.

You should look at moving doctors though. Is there another surgery you could attend? I wouldnt want to be with a doctor I wasn't comfortable with x

marisco_2

I would suggest considering changing doctors. It is not good to feel unable to approach your gp about any medical issues. You may find at a new practice that there is a female gp available to talk to.

How is your health in general? Hormones can play a part in how you feel and effect sex drive. Then again so can many other factors. Do you exercise regularly? This can vastly improve your mood. It also releases endorphins which improve wellbeing.

Does your job cause you stress and anxiety? This can heap on loads of strain and prevent you from 'being in the mood'.

I dont expect you to go into fine detail here but is your relationship good in all other ways? Are you happy and content and stimulated by being with your partner? All of this can effect your sex drive.

Open and honest communication with your partner whilst you work your way through this is vital.

dandelionclock30

You could look up local family planning clinics in your area and then ask for an appointment with a woman.Its not an unusual thing to request.
It might not be a hormonal issue it might be that you just dont fancy your partner?.Have you thought about that one?.He just might not be the one for you.
It could be also stress or depression etc if you suffer from these things.

Cherry_Bomb

Katexx wrote: »

It might be worth trying a different brand of contraceptive pill. After a few years on Microgynon my sex drive was non-existant (I was pretty young, only about 18/19 I think) and despite my GP saying it was highly unlikely that a side effect would have started after a few years, I definitely noticed an almost immediate change when I persuaded my GP to prescribe me a different brand.

I was really embarrassed when I mentioned it the first time to my GP but I got over it and now I rarely get bothered about having to discuss other embarrassing problems, heh. They most likely hear far more embarrassing stuff every single day.

If there was no change to the oestrogen or progesterone levels then it wouldn't have made a difference.
Brands change all the time. Active ingredients however don't. (Eg microgynon is now Rigevidon. Same pill coming in the same variety of doses just a different name)

OP this is a prime example of how problems really can be all in our head.

If you really want to discuss this with a health care professional then I'd definitely suggest a family planning clinic. They are are without a doubt the best people to talk to if you really think it might be your pill. Forget your GP

Mayflower10cat

There are other forms of contraception that might suit? I've been using the implant for just over 12 years now (each one lasts 3 years). It's the hormone equivalent of the mini-pill (progesterone only). After my first implant which was done by my GP, I relocated to Wiltshire. My new surgery 'didn't do implants' so after much research, I ended up at the Family Planning clinic conveniently located next to our cottage hospital. Must confess, the two female Drs I've met have been brilliant - humorous, unshockable and utterly normal (you know what I mean). I'd recommend your family planning clinic above your GP, truly, I always have the impression they'll chat as log as you need (unlike my GP where after 4 minutes I feel I've out-stayed my welcome......)

twomonkies

marisco wrote: »

I would suggest considering changing doctors. It is not good to feel unable to approach your gp about any medical issues. You may find at a new practice that there is a female gp available to talk to.

How is your health in general? Hormones can play a part in how you feel and effect sex drive. Then again so can many other factors. Do you exercise regularly? This can vastly improve your mood. It also releases endorphins which improve wellbeing.

Does your job cause you stress and anxiety? This can heap on loads of strain and prevent you from 'being in the mood'.

I dont expect you to go into fine detail here but is your relationship good in all other ways? Are you happy and content and stimulated by being with your partner? All of this can effect your sex drive.

Open and honest communication with your partner whilst you work your way through this is vital.

Yes this is the thing, I find him attractive, I enjoy havinf sex with him. When we have sex when I wasn't really looking for it I enjoy it, its not that I don't enjoy it! I'm not stressed or unhappy or anything, our relationship is otherwise very good. There's nothing I can really put it down too. I think I have always been like this perhaps.

I don't do any exercise though! I know maybe this could help but I'm so, so lazy!

twomonkies

Mayflower10cat wrote: »

(unlike my GP where after 4 minutes I feel I've out-stayed my welcome......)

Uh this! I know they're very busy but oh my goodness. Thank you everyone I think I will try to muster up the courage to go to a family planning clinic.