conflicts in retirement

Dunroamin

Newly_retired wrote: »

Well, yes, he wants to carry on working!
He's quite happy not to be paid for it either.

Point out that he's effectively taking a paid job away from someone who needs it, if he's doing it for nothing.

Is his self image very tied in with his job?

Newly_retired

But I do want to spend time together.
We are both too busy doing our own thing, which is one issue.
We do spend time together eg watching TV, but we do need to talk about plans for the future.
He doesn't really want to talk or to think about doing anything different.
I am concerned that he prefers to work rather than take up his hobbies, or develop new ones, or go for days out/ short breaks, longer holidays. Money is not a problem.

Mojisola

Be careful what you wish for!

One of my uncles drove his wife mad when he retired because he decided to "help" her round the house and, obviously, she had been doing everything very inefficiently all their married life and he knew much better ways of doing things!

Newly_retired

Dunroamin wrote: »

Point out that he's effectively taking a paid job away from someone who needs it, if he's doing it for nothing.

Is his self image very tied in with his job?

Absolutely!
No, he is not taking a job from anyone. There is plenty of scope for voluntary work in his sector.

Errata

Newly_retired wrote: »

But I do.
We are both too busy doing our own thing, which is one issue.
We do spend time together eg watching TV, but we do need to talk about plans for the future.
He doesn't really want to talk or to think about doing anything different.
I am concerned that he prefers to work rather than take up his hobbies, or develop new ones, or go for days out/ short breaks, longer holidays. Money is not a problem.

Sounds like his self image is bound to the work he does and if he stops ..... who is he?

Newly_retired

Sure thing.
I feel stuck not know ing how to proceed.

I have been waiting for five years to move into the next phase of our lives together and it is frustrating.
Especially financially, as I want to spend some of our savings, with interest rates being so low.

chesky

This is just a re-run of the thread you opened - what was it? A year ago? Perhaps he just doesn't want to have the conversations you want to have - sometimes people don't do what you want them to and it's very annoying.

Perhaps he just doesn't want to do what you want to do. He is, after all, his own man.

Mojisola

Newly_retired wrote: »

Especially financially, as I want to spend some of our savings, with interest rates being so low.

I think I'd start doing the things I wanted to do - it's frustrating that he doesn't want to join in but don't let that stop you enjoying yourself.

Ilona

Don't wait any longer. Start going out by yourself, book yourself some holidays, join some clubs, find some new friends, get yourself a busy social life. Then say, sorry, haven't time to cook your dinner, haven't time to wash your clothes, haven't time to clean the house, I'm off out.

After a few months he will realise he is missing out on something. He will be stuck in the drudge of work and you have got your life back. Stop whinging and moaning at him, you spend all the money on yourself and have a chuffin good time. If you was in this position a year ago, it's about time you moved on. You aint getting any younger.
Ilona

Ilona

chesky wrote: »

This is just a re-run of the thread you opened - what was it? A year ago? Perhaps he just doesn't want to have the conversations you want to have - sometimes people don't do what you want them to and it's very annoying.

Perhaps he just doesn't want to do what you want to do. He is, after all, his own man.

18th Jan 2012
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3739713

Ilona