conflicts in retirement

Newly_retired

Just had a bizarre conversation with DH re the amount of time we are committed to things which leave us with little time together in retirement.

He over-reacted by saying he will do absolutely nothing, then.

So where do we go from here?
He hates the thought of my telling him what he can or can't do ( agreed!), yet his approach means I don't actually spend time with him.

Errata

I guess your only solution is to talk, talk, talk until you've thrashed out a compromise which suits you both.

chesky

I think you've forgotten that you have to wind down a bit in early reitrement, rather than go the whole 'together' bit. After a while, things will even out. Leave the poor old bu--er be for a few months, otherwise he will just resent you, don't nag.

missile

Adjusting to retirement can be difficult for those who are used to working 40+ hours. You and DH are fortunate to have interests which keep you busy. Perhaps you can try to participate in those things DH enjoys?

What did you do together before retirement?

Dunroamin

missile wrote: »

Adjusting to retirement can be difficult for those who are used to working 40+ hours. You and DH are fortunate to have interests which keep you busy. Perhaps you can try to participate in those things DH enjoys?

What did you do together before retirement?

Not everybody wants to be busy in retirement. Personally, if I'd wanted to be busy, I'd've stayed at work and been paid for it.

Newly_retired

I have been retired for a while now and have taken up a number of interests and voluntary work.
DH has retired more recently but has frequent opportunities to continue his previous occupation in a voluntary capacity.
So we are both busy.
I have been waiting for him to retire so we could do some things together but it isn't happening really.
The hardest thing is getting him to talk about it ( or any other issues) without over-reacting.

Errata

Talk - let him overeact, wait until he's finished and carry on where you left off. This technique works with small children, dogs and adult males.:)

Mojisola

Newly_retired wrote: »

I have been retired for a while now and have taken up a number of interests and voluntary work.
DH has retired more recently but has frequent opportunities to continue his previous occupation in a voluntary capacity.
So we are both busy.

I have been waiting for him to retire so we could do some things together but it isn't happening really.

The hardest thing is getting him to talk about it ( or any other issues) without over-reacting.

It's what you've been waiting for but maybe it isn't what he wants?

Newly_retired

Well, yes, he wants to carry on working!
He's quite happy not to be paid for it either.

Mojisola

Newly_retired wrote: »

Well, yes, he wants to carry on working!

He's quite happy not to be paid for it either.

In that case, you're probably going to have try to arrange occasional "dates" when you spend time together.

Ease into doing more things together but keep your own life as well.

scotsbob

Newly_retired wrote: »

he will do absolutely nothing, then.

yet his approach means I don't actually spend time with him.

I am wondering why his relaxing and doing nothing means you don't spend time with him.
If I may assume you are roughly the same age, then why do you not want to relax with him and share time together?