Disagreement over orthodontic treatment

Acc72

Fanmail wrote: »

there seems to be a tacit threat, or implication, that it may adversely affect our relationship.

Well you might as well address this issue as it is already affecting your relationship - hence why you started this thread.

"You" have savings of £15k and "He" has savvings of £18k - as there is no mortgage, what exactly are you both saving for ?

i.e. is it for a specific purpose (such as a bigger house, holiday or retirement savings) or is it just general rainy day money ?

Also, what if he said today that he wanted to buy a sports car with "his" savings - what would your reaction be ?

scooby088

Live for today, if getting your teeth done is important to you and you have the money to do it then go ahead, and if your bf has a problem with it then thats his problem not yours.

Fanmail

Thanks all. Firstly, to answer the question about what we are saving for: it's to be able to afford a buy-to-let as neither of us has a pension. He thinks that to spend £4,000 will affect the timescale of doing this. I mentioned how much he had and I had purely to flesh out the whole scenario - yes, we do hold savings 'separately' but they are for a joint aim, if you like.
pigpen - I understand what you're saying, but it's not quite about asking 'permission' - of course, I could do it tomorrow if I wanted to, there is in theory nothing to stop me - but as I explained, I'd like for us jointly to be happy about it and for him to be supportive and not resent it.
Acc72 - I am of the opinion that if he wanted to buy something that made him happy I would support him unequivocally. And I have always stated this to him.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You can afford it. It's medical treatment (with a cosmetic advantage). It's got sod all to do with him.

And he is stopping you from doing it by stropping out. There's no way around it, if he'd been positive and supportive, you would have gone ahead two years ago. So he's done it to stop you from improving your smile and self confidence - because that's not valuable to him.



Could he prefer you with crooked teeth because he thinks you are less likely to stray as a result?

pigpen

How much will you resent him in 10 years if you don't have it done because he said no?

Is he hiding the fact he would be embarrassed if you were to go out with him wearing a brace?

I knew someone who ended up dead because her husband said no to a medical procedure because he didn't want to look after himself while she recovered or look at a hideous scar!

claire16c

This is ridiculous. You dont even have a mortgage, youve got a good amount of savings and youre arguing over this?

It would be different if you were penny pinching but youre not.

Like you said you can earn it back in a couple of months so who cares!

Errata

Instead of telling him about your research, why not get a professional opinion from your denist which will include all the expensive things that can happen to your teeth if they're not straighened out by a brace?

peachyprice

Fanmail wrote: »

Thanks all. Firstly, to answer the question about what we are saving for: it's to be able to afford a buy-to-let as neither of us has a pension.

You're only in your mid-twenties, spending £4k and delaying buying an investment property now by 6 months isn't going to make any difference to to the value of that property in 50 years time.

He seems in an awful rush to have your whole life mapped out here. There's saving for your 'future' but going without something in your 20's that costs relatively quite a small amount so you can maybe retire comfortably is frankly quite bizzare.

Fanmail

Hi peachyprice,

I'm 41 - not sure if that was clear. Earnings (for both of us) are mid-twenties. How I wish I was in my twenties! :rotfl:

Funky_Bold_Ribena

What's the point in a pension when you will spend the next 40 years unhappy with your teeth.

It's no more expensive than laser eye surgery.

If it means that much to him to stop you - you really need to consider whether he has your best interests at heart in other matters.