Disagreement over orthodontic treatment

DS4215

I know someone that is coming towards the end of this treatment (as an adult) and you wouldn't even know the invisible brace was there unless she told you. It has worked well for her, but there is a risk it could all go back to as it is now...

Lovelyjoolz

Fanmail wrote: »

Hi peachyprice,

I'm 41 - not sure if that was clear. Earnings (for both of us) are mid-twenties. How I wish I was in my twenties! :rotfl:

So you are a 41 year old woman who needs permission from her boyfriend to spend her own money on fixing her teeth???

There is a whole boat load of issues in this situation that need addressing!!!

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but really it's none of his business what you spend your money on and if you've wanted this for years then just do it!!! Why do you need his "support" to have a brace fitted?

And please, stop looking for his approval all the time. It's really not healthy!!

moonbabe58

Your money, your teeth, your decision! You are not asking him to pay for it, just merely support your decision.

Lara44

Goodness me, teeth are a GREAT thing to invest in. Lighten the mood towards money a bit by gently taking the mickey out of him! It's totally okay to have different perspectives on this. You're both committed to the same goal, but just according to slightly different timescales. You don't need his backing to spend this money - just go for it. You could try some economising and some MSE up your income tricks if you still wanted to keep saving as you're paying off the dental bills.

whitewing

I don't see it as asking for permission at all. My husband and I work and live together. We would discuss big spends because it affects each other. I certainly wouldn't get a Buy To Let place with him if we couldn't come to an agreement over a cosmetic/one off spend, even if that agreement is only an agreement to hold a differing opinion.

cutestkids

To me there is a whole lot wrong with this relationship I would be taking a long hard look at whether or not I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone who tried to control me in this way.

Hollypop_2

Hello Fanmail;

Have you thought about asking your partner how he would feel about you wearing braces? as maybe it isnt just a 'money' issue with him; this could be a mask?

I am an adult and I have the full blown 'train track' braces not the nice clear invisalign ones, nope the ones you see on ugly betty show etc.

Ive had them on now since decemeber 2010. Its a very long drawn out procedure. However I am coming up to the end of my treatment now, I can see my teeth are straight and amazing and I'd like to spend money on getting them whightened afterwards too just so I finally have the smile I have always wanted.

When the subject first came up about me having braces, my boyfriend thought it was odd at first because I'm not a 15 year old. Also things like kissing and intimate stuff. He asked a lot of questions. I also wondered how he would feel walking round and inroducing me to people when I had these wopping great braces.- All this was soon to be forgotten and in a way the braces are a part of me now. There have been times i have hated them and felt stupid; but then i look in the mirror and realise I am going to finally smile in pictures and feel great about something that bothered me for so long in my life.

I would highly encourage you to go for it and if your boyfriend realises how much of a difference to your life it would make and it would make you really happy then I'm sure eventually he will come round and see that making you happy is better than having money in the bank!

Good Luck on your journey x

Person_one

Sorry but, who died and made him the boss of you?

This is not an equal partnership, your teeth are just the thing that's finally shining a light on that.

Teeth are not the real issue, of course you're going to get the treatment you want and can easily afford, that can't be in question. The issue is what happens to this relationship now that you know he prioritises being able to get his hands on your money over your happiness.

You could try going to Relate for some counselling, but personally I don't think people ever change deep down, and he sounds selfish, tight-fisted and controlling. I had an ex like that, its the main reason he's an ex.

FBaby

Well actually, I am starting to think he might have a point. Are you both in your 40s with no private pensions? He is right that if your only pension is going to be in a property that you're going to need a mortgage for, now might be the time to think about it. How far are you in these plans? Maybe what you need to do is sit down and work it out in detail. How much would this plan be compromised with £4000 less? Is he himself making some sacrifices to build the deposit?

I don't think it's been mentioned, but many private orthodontists offer a 0% interest credit, couldn't you consider this?

Molly41

Fanmail wrote: »

Acc72 - I am of the opinion that if he wanted to buy something that made him happy I would support him unequivocally. And I have always stated this to him.

Similar scenario happens on a regular basis with my husband. I have learnt over the years that I just have to get on with it. i do remind him that I NEVER give him a hard time as regards what he spends his pennies on - computer parts - so he has gradually got the message.

He does sound a bit controlling with money and a little extreme - what will he be like if you decide to have children and you stay at home for a while?