Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

vivatifosi

This one's for lj. It isn't running at the moment, but I'm on the watch list in case it happens again:

https://www.coursera.org/course/behavioralecon

LydiaJ

Nikkster wrote: »

Just wanted to say thanks for the support everyone

Lydia - your advice was the height of sensible and reason. I'm trying to be as sensible and reasoned as I can muster, I promise.

I have no social engagements planned in August, am very close to finishing the first results chapter (which has tormented me for about 3 years), and work is hopefully going to be quiet whilst people are on summer hols. I will feel a major sense of achievement finishing this chapter, regardless of whether the others materialise or not.

Despite the pretty foolish addition of buying a house to the list of 'things I am doing', I feel much better knowing that if all goes to plan I'll have somewhere settled to move to, and finally somewhere of my own (well, in conjunction with the bank for a good while). I've put off doing so very many things because of the bloody thesis and I can't do it any longer (esp reluctant to put off buying until next year).

If I don't make it, yes, I'll be disappointed with myself. But I'll know that I did everything I could at the time to make it happen - it just wasn't enough. But I've still come out of my 'not great time' all a lot better than I could have done. I think I've already got most of the self-flagellation out of the way (goodness knows I've had plenty of time to do so!).

Deep down, I can't bring myself to proactively decide not to finish. I know that leaves trying (to a greater or lesser extent) and failing as a distinct possibility.
Silvercar - no, this is a proper dead-end deadline. I don't think I'd try and move it anyway, I know I would end up in the same position again. Anyway, I'm looking forward to it not hanging over me

Nikkster, you do what you feel is right for you. And remember we are all here for you, and all the NP are on your side, however it turns out.

PasturesNew wrote: »

I can't do mine properly .... no money for certificates. I've got what my mum's cousin's done, she's got certificates for some and "had a guess" at who might be my great-grandmother's father .... so I've used her research and then just added in my own people from online searches "that seem to fit", while putting in my notes that it's a guess.

Looks like I might have found my great-grandmother's sister .... but without fistfuls of certificates at £10 a pop you don't know.

And even if you get the certificates, they may not always be right. I discovered some time after our wedding that LNE had got my dad's middle name wrong (although with the correct initial) when he told the vicar what to write for the names of the witnesses (his dad and my dad), and my dad hadn't noticed when signing it. I wasn't very pleased, but I never did anything about correcting it.

PasturesNew wrote: »

When my mother was in for a month, out of her tree .... I'd visit daily and we found her tablets had been put on the table, she'd tried to grab them with her little feeble fingers and they'd fallen on the floor; her cutlery had fallen on the floor and never been removed; her cups of tea were going cold and being removed; she wasn't really able to feed herself (or even choose her meals).

They don't care for people with dementia; they deliver meds, drinks, food, but nobody's there to make sure they take them or note that they've gone unused.

Yes yes yes. This happened to my mum too - except that they did manage to give her her meds, I think, just no help (or not enough) with eating. I thought it was because she was on a bowel surgery ward, and that things might have been different on a geriatric ward or something. She had both dementia and Parkinsonism, and they just didn't have any systems for coping with patients who couldn't think straight, answer questions or feed themselves. I think she'd have starved if my dad hadn't gone in three times a day to feed her. She lost quite a lot of weight as it was, and only started to get stronger once she got home. I remember thinking at the time that she'd probably have been able to cope fine in hospital if there hadn't been anything wrong with her...

The care home where she went while my dad was having knee surgery was the other way round - excellent at feeding her, but not really able to cope properly with her colostomy bag, which seemed to get a leak pretty much every day, whereas in the acute hospital or with my dad at home, leaks were only occasional accidents.

OTOH, the treatment my kids (and I as parent/carer) got in A&E and paediatrics after "the accident" was excellent. I'll name the hospital: Chesterfield Royal Hospital (nowhere near where we live, but the nearest hospital to the road where it happened). :T

LydiaJ

PasturesNew wrote: »

I was disappointed that the Hospital didn't keep an eye on her management of this, had some explosions and major spills.

Also, care home failed to monitor/ensure supplies, I happened to go in and worked out she'd got none (I'd made sure it was double-stocked when she entered by quickly getting a month from the pharmacy as I knew they'd be changing her Doctor).... and when I visited she had 0 left and no marbles to follow this up .... I told the staff and they said it'd be 2-3 days as if that was acceptable! It seemed the pharmacy (Boots) had none and were awaiting stocks. Pretty appalling that nobody was on the ball as you can't go without a bag!

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: That's shocking. What exactly were they intending to do with her?

PasturesNew wrote: »

That's because they know parents would kick butt as it's kids; trouble is, there's nobody kicking butt for old people ... and nobody listening if you complain, like they'd listen if it were kids.

I'm afraid this is true. I don't know how much is fear of parents kicking off, and how much is just that kids are cute and evoke sympathy, and are expected need help with basic functions, and old people aren't and don't and aren't, respectively.

In fairness, I should say that my local hospital did a pretty good job of dealing with my dad when he fell and had concussion and a lacerated ear. I wouldn't give them huge marks for speed, but they were good on competence, thoroughness, communication and bedside manner. He was seen in A&E, sent to ENT in the other hospital of the same trust for expert stitching, and then released home to me just in time to babysit!!

lostinrates

Actually Lydia, I've been in your local a few times....and it did me ok too. The ritz its not, but it was efficient. That's all one can ask I think.

PasturesNew

LydiaJ wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: That's shocking. What exactly were they intending to do with her?

No idea....

lostinrates

Having a down with pharmaceuticals day.....where I wonder why I chased getting these pills, they are so nasty. My eyesight is worth this, my eyesight is worth this.....

And its a horrid muggy day, lie a repreive in monsoon season, where you think, 'no , actually, the rain and floods were better' and mozzies are swarming everywhere.

bugslet

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I'll have you know I look pretty damn good in my pink shellsuit, if it's properly accessorised with a Croydon facelift and £200 trainers.

Pic please. I'm prepared to part with cash:rotfl:

PasturesNew wrote: »

When my mother was in for a month, out of her tree .... I'd visit daily and we found her tablets had been put on the table, she'd tried to grab them with her little feeble fingers and they'd fallen on the floor; her cutlery had fallen on the floor and never been removed; her cups of tea were going cold and being removed; she wasn't really able to feed herself (or even choose her meals).

They don't care for people with dementia; they deliver meds, drinks, food, but nobody's there to make sure they take them or note that they've gone unused.

When Mr Bugs fell and was taken into hospital, it was a little chaotic for the first week until he tranferred to a ward that was basically a transit point whilst they decided on the best course of action. He was there for four months and it was very good in terms of meals and medecines, especially considering that it was very difficult to get him to take tablets.

The care home he is in, is very good as well, coming up with different ways of persuading him to take the tablets. He is losing weight a bit, but I think that is possibly due to the fact that as far as the dementia is concerned, he is still declining at a noticeable rate and that the cancer is lurking around in his system.

I have been seriously impressed with the NHS all round in the last 18 months and the care home.

neverdespairgirl

PasturesNew wrote: »

Edit: No evidence of marriage to the same surname, looks like she was a bit too loose with her knicker elastic... THREE times. What a shabby tart.

Likely to have been too loose with her knicker elastic more than 3 times to have 3 illegitimate children - either that, or just very, very unlucky!

zagubov wrote: »

I remember reading someone pointed out that marrying your cousin raised the risks by only 1% ( so from 1 to 2%). But that's double the risk.
BTW I think it's illegal (now) in many parts of the USA.

One in three genetic birth problems are in first-cousin parents.

I felt like I needed to explain that that was a one-off and have you ever learnt about compound interest?

But first cousins more than once in a few generations must raise the risks, hence, I suppose, your reference to compound interest?

I think first-cousin marriage is illegal in many states in the USA, but I think it's not illegal now, in the sense of newly-so, rather that when we got rid of some of the closer prohibited degrees of affinity, the Americans kept them.

In medieval canon law, the Catholic Church banned marriage within the 7th degree - so 7th cousins or closer couldn't marry. Of course, that was accompanied by the possibility of a "dispensation", which meant forking over a hefty sum in cash to the Pope to be given permission to marry within the prohibited degrees.

The Catholic affinity didn't just apply to blood relationships, but also marital ones and godparent ones. So your godmother's child counted as your sibling, and your wife's sister as your sister.

You could get dispensations for marrying your dead wife's sister, though, or your step-sister, but very rare to have actual blood sister dispensations. So although legally "sister" and "wife's sister" were the same relationship, in practice, the blood link was recognised as a pretty bad idea.

Most, if not all, royal marriages in medieval times required a dispensation, as the parties were almost always related more closely than 7th cousins. Not having a dispensation was a handy get-out clause if the marriage turned out to be childless, too.

So when Henry VIII wanted an annullment in relation to his marriage to Katherine of Aragon, it wasn't unusual. The marriage hadn't produced a living male heir, and the Church was usually pretty accommodating about finding a canon law reason to annul such marriages, recognising that male heirs were essential to rulers. Unluckily for Henry VIII, the Pope was, at the time, pretty much the prisoner of the Holy Roman Emperor, Charles V, and Charles was Katherine's nephew (the son of Katherine's sister, Joanna the Mad of Aragon).

For example, Eleanor of Aquitaine's first marriage to Louis of France was annnulled on the basis that they were third or fourth cousins, but by a neat twist, the two daughters of their marriage also declared legitimate. That left Eleanor free to marry Henry II, and produce at least 5 sons, and 3 daughters as well. Much to Louis' annoyance.

Eleanor was more closely related to Henry II than she was to Louis, demonstrating the usefulness of being able to annul a marriage when it no longer suited the parties.

neverdespairgirl

bugslet wrote: »

Pic please. I'm prepared to part with cash:rotfl:

Oddly, I can't find a photo of me in pink shell suit and Croydon facelift easily, but if I could, it would be a double of this:

bugslet

Ah, thank you. If ever we meet at least I will be able to recognise you:p

I am enjoying the history lessons BTW, I don't remember it being that informative in my school days.