Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

LydiaJ

Interesting that lots of people are getting quite high scores on the burnout test. Of course, the test (and the website in general) is written on the assumption that work is the problem. For me, work (as in my actual paid job as a teacher) is fine. Home is where I feel burnt out. The 62 that I mentioned was what I got when I answered it thinking of life in gnereral. If I just think about work, I only get 34, but if I just think about my "job" as parent and householder, I get 72.

Nice to see you again, Brallaqueen. :hello:

lostinrates

Brallaqueen wrote: »

Hello all, taking Almo's lead and re-de-lurking. How are all the characters in my fave genteel soap opera doing?

I'm sitting here, cat demanding affection, while I contemplate whether 7.30 is too early to hoover.

Oh, how is your cat?

lostinrates

LydiaJ wrote: »

Interesting that lots of people are getting quite high scores on the burnout test. Of course, the test (and the website in general) is written on the assumption that work is the problem. For me, work (as in my actual paid job as a teacher) is fine. Home is where I feel burnt out. The 62 that I mentioned was what I got when I answered it thinking of life in gnereral. If I just think about work, I only get 34, but if I just think about my "job" as parent and householder, I get 72.

Nice to see you again, Brallaqueen. :hello:

I took job as work plus housewife. For me the two are indivisible.

I am not really worried about my score too much. It's an integral part of my personality that I am 'taught' or overturned, and tightly wound think do tend to bow a little. Trying to be someone who I am not would be more stressful.:).

Spirit_2

michaels wrote: »

michaels's need more good thoughts at the moment

<Good thoughts>

Brallaqueen

Hey LydiaJ, sorry to hear you're feeling grim. You come across as such a lovely person, it's really unfair you feel like that.

Hey LIR, the cat is still a miserable, grumpy bag of bones but I love the corners of him. He is living more or less permanently in my bedroom since he came in for the night.

Saw Spirits' post, and agree. Whatever bad things are happening, thinking good thoughts for you Michaels

lostinrates

LydiaJ wrote: »

Thank you. I quite agree with your analysis of how reasonable it is that I have got into this state, considering the demands on my life. I don't expect to feel wizzy all the time. But I don't think it's unreasonable to want to have enough "get up and go" that sometimes I can choose to do things that nobody is making me do. It is also very clear that my current state of mental health is not at all good for DD, and I want that to change.



Thank you. That helps.



The inquest isn't upsetting in the way you might think - it's all such a terribly long time ago (3.5 years since he died, nearly 8 years since he left and 9.5 years since I discovered he didn't love me any more), so I'm long past the feelings of loss and distress, and because of the burnout I'm too numb to feel much emotionally about it anyway.

I do feel quite strongly, though, that being there for the whole thing is something I need to do - for him, for my kids, and for myself. If I didn't, I would wonder for the rest of my life what I missed. The kids will have to cope - my dad has agreed to come and live in my house and run things while I'm away, several of my friends will help out, and I'll be able to come home at weekends and probably week night or two each week as well - the inquest will be about 2.5 hours away, and I'm hoping to be able to stay with my brother who's half an hour from it (en route from my house). Courts usually only sit from 10:00 to 4:00, to allow time for witnesses etc to travel, leaving the beginning and end of the day for everyone involved to get their paperwork done.

However, you're right that I have been pretty stressed for a while, assimilating the information that the estimate of the duration of the inquest has now doubled. It was stressing me because I felt that it's essential that I'm at the inquest, and essential that I'm at work, and I always feel worst when I have incompatible demands on me from different directions.

i think you have been amazing throughout. I actually think you ate in a more complex and potentially more difficult to process and handle situation because of the nearly bit in the relationship. Feelings don't just end, but a lot of people will have assumed that they should have done.

Ow! Earache is agonising. Get it seen by a doctor immediately. Hope they can sort you out quickly.



What zag said.



65 is very high, lir. Please try to cut yourself some slack.

I am not sure how much sleep I need, TBH. When I try to get more sleep, I frequently wake earlier than intended, and so don't get much extra, but I am not sure if this is because I really don't need the extra, of because I have become acclimatised to managing with less than I really need. The main problem is that I do not have the self discipline to go to bed on time. I could do with a weight-watchers-style "stay-up-laters anonymous" meeting, really.

studies are clear i believe that those with seven to eight hours sleep live longer and are healthier. I wouldn't add stress by worrying about it but maybe see if there is something on the radio you can foster an interest in at what would give you ' the right amount' so you start to wind down from then? Radio otoh might keep you awake. . I like radio four extra, but often its quite energetic at 'bed time' which always seems odd. There are a few free relaxation 'hypnosis' or meditation apps. I use them a fair bit. I find switching off hard.

Likewise, nutritionally I would be better off if I could be bothered to cook myself varied and healthy meals at sensible times of day, but that's beyond me in my present state. At least now term has started we can all three of us have school lunches, so if what I do in the evenings is basic, repetitive and frequently late, it doesn't matter quite so much.

Again, no point adding stress worrying about food. Of the kids each picked two healthy meals a week then one or both of those nights they could help you, both increasing their skills, helping you and also giving scheduled time where they get ' alone with mother ' time.

It's getting to the time of year where those school meals just need something really light at home.....salads, crudit!s and humous or my summer favourite...gazpacho. I make this in jugs and pour out till finished for many mels in a row. . Dd would love chopping cucumber to add to it:D. Also ....jelly with fruit in it. Feels like you have made an effort, . I love sugar free jelly. I make plain ones. Layered ones, fluffy ones occasionally, fruited ones, even the occasional jello salad...healthy not, and not to most British Taste either!

In the future when you feel more up to it there are meal planning threads in old style. These are great, though the inspiration is often thin on the ground ( I am often surprised about the things people et year round ) the short time sitting down planning a week ahead is super. I do this with a reporter/ pad, the meal plan on the left hand side of the page and the shopping Liston the right hand side. It means I can scribble inspiration down. The great thing about this is you can see easily with no effort if things are crudely balanced across the week....not too much meat, a little oily fish etc etc.

Until then....why not take a broad spectrum supplement. If nothing else you will feel like you are doing something;)


You also need to take stock of jus how amazing you have been in recent years. Huge life changes, keeping things stable for two highly alert little people, neither of who miss a trick. You are bringing up two lovely, lovely children. Seems to me you do more than average right to have such result.

lostinrates

Brallaqueen wrote: »

Hey LydiaJ, sorry to hear you're feeling grim. You come across as such a lovely person, it's really unfair you feel like that.

Hey LIR, the cat is still a miserable, grumpy bag of bones but I love the corners of him. He is living more or less permanently in my bedroom since he came in for the night.

Saw Spirits' post, and agree. Whatever bad things are happening, thinking good thoughts for you Michaels

Is 'love the corners' an expression or is it yours? I love it!

Cats and beds.....perfect. Ours slept above the covers last night, its certainly spring now:D

michaels

LydiaJ wrote: »

Thank you. I ......

Chuck Norris may be able to delete the recycle bin but only Lydia can multiquote more than three people in one post

The problem with having been an over-acheiver is now that you can only acheive as muc as if not more than most people you feel dissatisified. Despite being a two parent household we have not acheived sorting and tidying the kids toys in the many months since our extension was finsihed and still have mountains of junk in the shed and in a friends flat whereas you have managed to get the jobs worked through and even done the shelves and sorting.

sss555s

Brallaqueen wrote: »

Jim Rohn
Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.

Love the quote Bralla and such good advice :T

Anyone been watching Person of Interest? It was the last one last night but will continue later in the year. I enjoyed that series.

The healthy eating diet is going well (BMI 22.5) and I agree that it is far easier for us blokes Had lovely veg and noodle soup with cooked salmon on top the other day, best soup ever!
Feeling much better now than I did when I had whooping cough for the last 3 months+ of last year. That was a tough horrible thing to go through

Can't get this< damn song out of my head since watching Bend it like Beckham last week

Top tune though :A

Generali

Oh I burned out years ago. Working for the hedge fund did that to me. 6am-10pm plus weekend catch ups. I filled in the answers as they would have been in 2008 and I got 72. I've not been the same since that job.