Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

lostinrates

SingleSue wrote: »

It's the same as people trying to make you feel better (by being condescending), I once chucked a community psychiatric nurse out of my house when she uttered the words "I think you are doing really well" in a bright, cheery voice.

Yeah right, so blooming well I need a psychiatric nurse! I didn't need 'geeing' up, I needed someone to help me sort through my problems without the false platitudes.

I think one can be doing really well and be needing the community psychiatric nurse. Really well being relative

SingleSue

I was lucky with my grandparents, neither my nans experienced dementia....my grandads didn't get a chance to develop it as they were taken quite young (before I was born).

Unfortunately, my dad gets a little confuzzled at times now because of his strokes.

SingleSue

lostinrates wrote: »

I think one can be doing really well and be needing the community psychiatric nurse. Really well being relative

It was her first visit and I was far far away from doing well. I was doing very crappy to be honest...I'd laid out in the snow to die the night before.

fc123

PasturesNew wrote: »

Found one sitting, disproportionately low/out of step with the rest on the estate - and not shifting.... so, either a murder happened there, or it's next to neighbours from hell, or a crime hot spot.

But, it's about(ish) on price and has room for a garage (subj/PP) ... I'll mull that one for a few hours. Looked many times before online, but I should now at least go and see it.... looking at it: warm air heating, rear potentially insecure, back yard literally about 4 square yards
But ORP and rooms passable.

still worth taking a look....you never know why it's still on. Maybe it did sell and then fell through, Maybe it has a tenant who doesn't want to move so makes it 'iffy' for a viewing (boiling cabbage rather than brewing coffee) or maybe it is suffering from the 'been on so long there is something wrong with it' syndrome when it has actually been on for a while just because the market has been so slow for the past 18 months.
You can awlays stalk it for a while...you know, drive there at random times, get out car, wander about, chat to people in a nearby cafe. We did that with margate as I was suspicious. Turns out the tenant blocked 90% of viewings by refusing access.

Spirit wrote: »

Lydia ...do you know what is at the heart of it? It sums up how I am feeling at present .

I know some of what is getting at me but there seems to be lots of things that happening to others I care about (and can do nothing about) which are worrying me but beyond my control.

There should be a market for "motivation club" along the lines of weight watchers. The demotivated could attend each week and account to others (for a fee) about what they have/have not achieved, hear inspirational stories of trials over come and then go home re-energised.

I like the sound of one of those...I would go.:)

LydiaJ wrote: »

Hi Spirit

Sorry you are feeling like that. That club is a brilliant idea - I would definitely go if there was one round here (if I could get any childcare to cover it).

In my case, I'm pretty sure it's burn-out. I did this online test:
http://www.mindtools.com/stress/Brn/BurnoutSelfTest.htm
and got 62/75 at last count, by applying it to life as a whole rather than just work. I think it's down to the last 9 years of chaotic roller-coaster life. I suspect this week's steps backward have been not only down to going back to work, but also the flurry of emails and phone calls I've had with my solicitor this week about LNE's accident. (We finally have some progress, but that means I have to start facing the reality of taking weeks of unpaid leave to attend the inquest next year, and arranging childcare etc etc)

I'm being seen every month or two by an occupational health nurse at work, who says she thinks it's astonishing that I've got this far without getting depressed and needing meds, but that she agrees with my opinion that in my case what I've got isn't depression, and antidepressants probably wouldn't help. Your mileage might vary, though, and it might be worth getting checked out. There is no pharmacological help for burn-out as such - I would take it if there were. (Well, speed would probably work wonders, but the long term effects wouldn't be worth it. ) It's a long slow road back to normality. Other pages on the same website suggest things to do: I'm supposed to be improving how much I get of sleep, healthy food, moderate exercise, fun, help, support, relaxation, freedom from interruption and pleasant environment. But TBH I haven't the drive to bother doing those things much, and obviously I've no other adult around the place to encourage me to. It's tricky.

To be fair LJ, the amount if energy you have to put into your life to support your kids (as the whole LNE thing was and still is a very traumatic experience for all involved) must be huge....+ maybe we only have so much energy to give? Your commitment to providing stability/safeness etc etc maybe absorbs everything out of you?
I wouldn't fret too much about it as it'll ease off over the next few years. We can't be zippy and wizzy all of the time...if we were we would all pop.

I know the baby /toddler stage is tiring/demanding but I found the age group that yours are in to be the hardest to parent as they are so aware at that age.


Does remind me of a friend complaining that I don't see them enough and don't have the energy to spend weekends doing 'exciting' things with her but my work absorbs most of 'me' (and I don't mind that) so I have to spend my spare time + energy carefully as it's prescious. It's different for her and her husband as he is retired and she does well paid bits and bobs so their working life is not tiring in any way whereas their leisure time + hobbies are the 'be all and end all' in their lives.


Sorry to hear about the chickens LIR.:( Poor things.

lemonjelly

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

How big is your tunnel, lemon?

Only 3 metres in length. It isn't a walk in one...
http://www.wilko.com/garden-propagators/wilko-cloche-tunnel-polythene-3m/invt/0283772

Definitely not a posh alert!:rotfl:

silvercar

To be fair LJ, the amount if energy you have to put into your life to support your kids (as the whole LNE thing was and still is a very traumatic experience for all involved) must be huge....+ maybe we only have so much energy to give? Your commitment to providing stability/safeness etc etc maybe absorbs everything out of you?
I wouldn't fret too much about it as it'll ease off over the next few years. We can't be zippy and wizzy all of the time...if we were we would all pop.

I agree with all this. Maybe also the thought of the inquest is stressful. Do you have to be there the whole time? Are you worrying about the kids being unsettled while you are there? Are LNE' parents going to be there?

lemonjelly

I seem to be coming down with terrible earache. I haven't had earache for years. Forgot how uncomfortable it can be!:(

silvercar

How do I get rid of a 13 foot trampoline? second ones on ebay don't seem to sell. The metal should be worth something I would think and the bed should be useful as a spare if nothing else. I am loathe to pay someone to take it away when it should be useful to someone intact.

lemonjelly

Gift it to someone?

Tried that burnout test thingy. scored 45.:eek:

silvercar

It's not until you've experienced, first-hand, how frail and feeble-minded the elderly can get that you realise how horrible being old can be.

I agree. BIL has grandparents both in their 90s; in good health considering their age but they both say its not nice being old.

My mother is not coping on her own, but won't accept that. Won't move to be nearer either of her children, won't make any attempt to get on with life. Very frustrating.