Nice people thread part 8 - worth the wait

Spirit_2

LydiaJ wrote: »

I am feeling flat and unmotivated again. .

Lydia ...do you know what is at the heart of it? It sums up how I am feeling at present .

I know some of what is getting at me but there seems to be lots of things that happening to others I care about (and can do nothing about) which are worrying me but beyond my control.

There should be a market for "motivation club" along the lines of weight watchers. The demotivated could attend each week and account to others (for a fee) about what they have/have not achieved, hear inspirational stories of trials over come and then go home re-energised.

lostinrates

Spirit wrote: »

Lydia ...do you know what is at the heart of it? It sums up how I am feeling at present .

I know some of what is getting at me but there seems to be lots of things that happening to others I care about (and can do nothing about) which are worrying me but beyond my control.

There should be a market for "motivation club" along the lines of weight watchers. The demotivated could attend each week and account to others (for a fee) about what they have/have not achieved, hear inspirational stories of trials over come and then go home re-energised.

I thionk the health board here has had similar. They are ok...until people lack motivation to post:)

LydiaJ

Spirit wrote: »

Lydia ...do you know what is at the heart of it? It sums up how I am feeling at present .

I know some of what is getting at me but there seems to be lots of things that happening to others I care about (and can do nothing about) which are worrying me but beyond my control.

There should be a market for "motivation club" along the lines of weight watchers. The demotivated could attend each week and account to others (for a fee) about what they have/have not achieved, hear inspirational stories of trials over come and then go home re-energised.

Hi Spirit

Sorry you are feeling like that. That club is a brilliant idea - I would definitely go if there was one round here (if I could get any childcare to cover it).

In my case, I'm pretty sure it's burn-out. I did this online test:
http://www.mindtools.com/stress/Brn/BurnoutSelfTest.htm
and got 62/75 at last count, by applying it to life as a whole rather than just work. I think it's down to the last 9 years of chaotic roller-coaster life. I suspect this week's steps backward have been not only down to going back to work, but also the flurry of emails and phone calls I've had with my solicitor this week about LNE's accident. (We finally have some progress, but that means I have to start facing the reality of taking weeks of unpaid leave to attend the inquest next year, and arranging childcare etc etc)

I'm being seen every month or two by an occupational health nurse at work, who says she thinks it's astonishing that I've got this far without getting depressed and needing meds, but that she agrees with my opinion that in my case what I've got isn't depression, and antidepressants probably wouldn't help. Your mileage might vary, though, and it might be worth getting checked out. There is no pharmacological help for burn-out as such - I would take it if there were. (Well, speed would probably work wonders, but the long term effects wouldn't be worth it. ) It's a long slow road back to normality. Other pages on the same website suggest things to do: I'm supposed to be improving how much I get of sleep, healthy food, moderate exercise, fun, help, support, relaxation, freedom from interruption and pleasant environment. But TBH I haven't the drive to bother doing those things much, and obviously I've no other adult around the place to encourage me to. It's tricky.

LydiaJ

PasturesNew wrote: »

Or not bother making ourselves feel bad - and spend the money on a bag of chips instead and stay at home

Pastures, we are not making ourselves feel bad. I don't in fact feel bad most of the time. I just don't feel good. Mostly, I feel blank, and depleted, not as though life is intrinsically hopeless or sad, but as though life is inherently good and exciting for those who have the energy to take hold of it, but I haven't. I can't be bothered to do anything unless somebody else initiates it or imposes some kind of external deadline. OTOH, if somebody else does make something happen, I can participate and enjoy it, and appear normally energetic while I'm with others. The energy doesn't last any longer than the event does, though. It's not a good state to be in.

LydiaJ

PasturesNew wrote: »

I guess I'm a bit like that ... always waiting for something to change/happen (e.g. now finding a house/moving) .... and time keeps passing, and I get older. Every day a week of time flies by and it's scarey

Oh yes, I know what you mean about keeping on getting older while nothing much happens. I feel I am wasting some of what ought to be some of the best and most productive years of my life here.

That's why I find it so encouraging to read all about your house hunting. Oh, and I could never do your open-ended self-employed web-based style of work. I'm better suited to being a teacher, with an endless series of very short deadlines - kids give the work in on Monday morning, and it's got to be marked and given back on Tuesday, when more kids give more work in that's got to be marked and given back on Friday. That kind of external structure keeps me on the straight and narrow at work, but home is a different story.

lostinrates

LydiaJ wrote: »

Hi Spirit

Sorry you are feeling like that. That club is a brilliant idea - I would definitely go if there was one round here (if I could get any childcare to cover it).

In my case, I'm pretty sure it's burn-out. I did this online test:
http://www.mindtools.com/stress/Brn/BurnoutSelfTest.htm
and got 62/75 at last count, by applying it to life as a whole rather than just work. I think it's down to the last 9 years of chaotic roller-coaster life. I suspect this week's steps backward have been not only down to going back to work, but also the flurry of emails and phone calls I've had with my solicitor this week about LNE's accident. (We finally have some progress, but that means I have to start facing the reality of taking weeks of unpaid leave to attend the inquest next year, and arranging childcare etc etc)

I'm being seen every month or two by an occupational health nurse at work, who says she thinks it's astonishing that I've got this far without getting depressed and needing meds, but that she agrees with my opinion that in my case what I've got isn't depression, and antidepressants probably wouldn't help. Your mileage might vary, though, and it might be worth getting checked out. There is no pharmacological help for burn-out as such - I would take it if there were. (Well, speed would probably work wonders, but the long term effects wouldn't be worth it. ) It's a long slow road back to normality. Other pages on the same website suggest things to do: I'm supposed to be improving how much I get of sleep, healthy food, moderate exercise, fun, help, support, relaxation, freedom from interruption and pleasant environment. But TBH I haven't the drive to bother doing those things much, and obviously I've no other adult around the place to encourage me to. It's tricky.

Hmm. I am reviewing what I said in last email. Scratch that, let me get the next two weeks out the way and we'll make a date. It might be better to meet elsewhere, I think old girl's state might distress the sunshine girl.

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

I guess I'm a bit like that ... always waiting for something to change/happen (e.g. now finding a house/moving) .... and time keeps passing, and I get older. Every day a week of time flies by and it's scarey

I recently said to dh that I wish my life away from Monday morning til Friday and I don't like it. It's so precious and I have wasted enough. It's dripping like sand in a glass, I am incredibly conscious of it and I am starting to grab it back.....

lostinrates

PasturesNew wrote: »

I think when a parent dies, you realise "I'm next".... suddenly you become the oldest generation.....

Yeah...

Well, that's the other thing......

Parent who lives with me is getting very, very forgetful. Alzheimer's is big in that family line and I think it's starting to impact. Only lightly, but enough to make life difficult.

Because my parents are old enough to be my grandparents I think if they go before me, as seems increasingly likely, I will be ok. My sibling is the older generation from me, old enough to be my parent.

PasturesNew

It's not until you've experienced, first-hand, how frail and feeble-minded the elderly can get that you realise how horrible being old can be.

When they can't think straight, start struggling with words and doing daft things. I won't say what happened here, but during my last recent visit my parent did an exceedingly bizarre and completely unpredictable thing that slammed it home....

24/7 care for the elderly isn't like looking after somebody who is just a bit doddery but able to think straight, make decisions and not do daft stuff.

Once the brain's gone, it's not only 24/7 looking after them, but a second 24/7 thinking about them and another 24/7 to manage the basic physical needs of food, clothing, cleaning, entertainment/stimulation, medical appointments and medications etc. They are as safe to be left alone as a 3-6 year old alone in a house.... anything can happen.

SingleSue

Spirit wrote: »

Lydia ...do you know what is at the heart of it? It sums up how I am feeling at present .

I know some of what is getting at me but there seems to be lots of things that happening to others I care about (and can do nothing about) which are worrying me but beyond my control.

There should be a market for "motivation club" along the lines of weight watchers. The demotivated could attend each week and account to others (for a fee) about what they have/have not achieved, hear inspirational stories of trials over come and then go home re-energised.

Something more likely to de motivate me would be going somewhere where people are trying to motivate by saying how well they have done that week - with the subtext that you are an absolute failure because you haven't managed to be as good.

My brain works weirdly :rotfl:

I prefer an equal battle where we are all fighting for a common theme but accepting that some weeks will be worse than others....and no crowing about the ones having the better weeks at the expense of those who haven't.

It's the same as people trying to make you feel better (by being condescending), I once chucked a community psychiatric nurse out of my house when she uttered the words "I think you are doing really well" in a bright, cheery voice.

Yeah right, so blooming well I need a psychiatric nurse! I didn't need 'geeing' up, I needed someone to help me sort through my problems without the false platitudes.