childminder - baby biting issues

mikeandrach_2

im not going into it but in a way it is relevant to me yes. feel very let down by the childminder and very angry at the other parent. we are talking on average baout an incident a month while he is teething, where in all incidents she did something to upset him. bear in mind he cant talk, what else can he do to show frustraion? in all cases her arm was in line with his mouth, not once did he look for it etc

elsien

My mother used to own a nursery. In which at times kids bit each other. Some more often than others. So yes, it happens.
Sometimes because another child's arm happened to be the closest object at the time. Sometimes because the biter was cross and found biting to be a good way of expressing this. Sometimes because the bitten child was doing something the biter didn't like. However this doesn't mean they were deliberately provoking the bite in the sense you mean, more that they had not yet learned about their impact on others. And 101 other reasons as individual as the child.
What bothers me about your posts is that they're not about trying to resolve anything, they are coming across as trying to make it minimise your sons biting and push the blame onto the little girl. When its not that straightforward.
And it's not just her being bitten. As you said in your OP, he's bitten adults as well. Or were you/they provoking him as well?
Looking for reasons and addressing them isn't the same as laying blame. Which is what you seem to me to be trying to do.
It's not reasonable to be angry with another parent who is trying to protect their child from being repeatedly hurt. If the environment is not working for your son at this time, whatever the reason and however young he is, then maybe he is better elsewhere for a bit. That doesn't make it his or anyone else's fault. Just the wrong place at this specific time for the stage your son is going through and the number of adults available to supervise.

pigpen

My youngest is a biter.. she bit her sister on the finger.. granted the finger shouldn't have been in her mouth but she drew blood. She bites me constantly.. usually my inner thigh if I cannot pick her up immediately. She isn't teething she is just a holy terror! She says maybe 3 or 4 words and makes a kind of sneeze noise for everything else.. but she has never bitten anyone else, just me and her sister.
Some just bite and have a preference for whose tasty flesh they sink their teeth into.

To me it sounds like the CM is struggling to cope with 2 so close given they squabble and bite.. She is only human and it is really hard work watching 2 toddlers constantly.. sometimes she must need to use the loo or prepare a meal or do something with the 3rd child so will take her eyes off them and that is all the time it takes. If yours is only there 3 days and the other 2 are there 5 days it seems fair enough she will forego 3 days money as oppose to 2x5 days.. that is a massive difference.

I'd spend the next few months sorting the biting.. when he does it he goes in the highchair/pushchair for a few minutes.. Or you watch for thr triggers and intervene before it becomes an issue. Distraction is the way to go.

For my youngest son (now 14) his biting peaked at about 2 and stopped at about 8.. but he didn't speak at all until he was about 2.5. I am hoping the 18 month old improves soon.. she bit me on my tummy through my clothes a few weeks back and made me bleed!! She is told NO! in a very firm voice and place in a chair for a couple of minutes.. If we just move her she comes back to do it again.

DevilsAdvocate1

mikeandrach wrote: »

im not going into it but in a way it is relevant to me yes. feel very let down by the childminder and very angry at the other parent. we are talking on average baout an incident a month while he is teething, where in all incidents she did something to upset him. bear in mind he cant talk, what else can he do to show frustraion? in all cases her arm was in line with his mouth, not once did he look for it etc

I'm sorry, but I have 3 children and I would not have been happy if once a month another child bit them. My child has a right to be safe.

I disagree with your childminder friends. I was a registered childminder for many years and if a child was biting to the degree that another parent was threatening to take their children away from my care, then I would give notice to the biting child. Problem is, when this girl leaves, your son may then target another child. The childminder has to protect her business.

Also, at 2, taking toys from other children is still perfectly normal. Obviously, they need to be told that its wrong and the toy they've taken needs to be handed back. Its not naughty behaviour as such, its how they view the world at that age. They think that everything revolves around them.

You are coming across as quite agressive and as though its the other child's fault. If I was the parent of the other child, I would not be happy with your attitude.

idristhedragon

I would ask the childminder about her levels of supervision, and whether she/he could do tracking observations to see what the trigger is. IMHO a baby in a childminding setting should be supervised closely enough for a biting confrontation to be apprehended by an adult who is supervising. You'd need to be pretty far away to not be able to separate a biting 15 month old from another child (eg in other room?) If their is an issue (which their obviously is) then you up your supervision (which ideally should be "close") to "constant" to get to the root of the problem.
Sorry of this is a bit jargon- funnily enough Im a childminder and a mum of 4 so Ive seen a lot of biters and indeed bite-ees!

Funky_Bold_Ribena

mikeandrach wrote: »

im not going into it but in a way it is relevant to me yes. feel very let down by the childminder and very angry at the other parent. we are talking on average baout an incident a month while he is teething, where in all incidents she did something to upset him. bear in mind he cant talk, what else can he do to show frustraion? in all cases her arm was in line with his mouth, not once did he look for it etc

So how is being a trophy wife relevant? If you read my previous post, I try to expand to get to the bottom of your issue with the wife.

Skippycat

If the childminder isn't willing to look after your child any longer then I don't really think there is much you can do unfortunately... At the end of the day if she is looking after 2 children for the other family then chances are she will choose the option / family which is going to provide her with the most income (regardless of whatever the situation is). It sounds as if there is going to be some bad feeling in the long run so even if she is able to look after your child again from June it would probably be better to find an alternative minder on a permanent basis.

Mojisola

mikeandrach wrote: »

feel very let down by the childminder

She running a business. She risks losing the income from two children plus the bad press from those parents telling everyone that she wasn't keeping the children safe in her care.

I don't think she has much choice.

mikeandrach_2

forget my issue with the wife ok. and thanks idristhedragon good points made. its interesting that he hasnt attmepted to bite anyone else for quite some time. the last time he did i was laying in bed as the wife was playing with him, he bit me and i said no in a very firm voice. he coudlnt even bare to look at me for over an hour and woudl burst into tears every time i moved. i dont want him to be in fear of me but i do want him to know thta there are rules to follow. maybe its as simple as this childminder not following through with the discipline?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

mikeandrach wrote: »

forget my issue with the wife ok. and thanks idristhedragon good points made. its interesting that he hasnt attmepted to bite anyone else for quite some time. the last time he did i was laying in bed as the wife was playing with him, he bit me and i said no in a very firm voice. he coudlnt even bare to look at me for over an hour and woudl burst into tears every time i moved. i dont want him to be in fear of me but i do want him to know thta there are rules to follow. maybe its as simple as this childminder not following through with the discipline?

Have you thought of parenting classes?