childminder - baby biting issues

mikeandrach_2

our son is 15 months old and goes to a local childminder tues, weds, thurs term time only.

on a mon and fri he is at the mother in laws. he is clealry teething and is biting various objects and has bitten us on a handful of occasions and been told a very firm no.

he has bitten a child at the childminders, twice before christmas although on both occasions the other child who is approx 6 months older put her arm in front of his mouth. no blood drawn etc and his bite is more of a nip, my chinchillas have a more painful and substantial bite.

he recently bit this other child again and the parents kicked off. in this occasiont he child involved pushed him out of the way and he was cheqwing a toy, so i kind of get his reaction to be honest but maybe im biased!

i met the parents that night and spelled out to them that i thought they wer ebeing way ott in threatening to pull their kids out of the chidlminders if my son wasnt removed, the father a teacher!) saw sense and actually said he agreed with me. the mother (not being nasty but a pretentious trophy wife whose biggest worry in life is her nails/hair) was going for an oscar wiht the facial expressions of disgust but she calmed down and was bette rin the end. all been fine, but today the childminder told us all he TRIED to bite again. the other kid tried to take a toy off him that he was chwing on, he reacted by biting. bea rin in mind he is a 15 month old teething baby.

the hcildminder has now said sorry he cant come back as othe rparent has threatened to pull their 2 kids out who are leaving in june anywaym, and we oculd look at him going back then. i point blank said no chance i would never put him back if he is removed, which i think is fairest on him.


the key thing here is that on the 3 biting occasions the other child has cried and told the childminder. tonight the childminder has said that the other parent has called and said there are bite marks. i dont believe this as a: the childminder said she saw a bite attempt, not a bite, b: the kid didnt cry and has done on all other bites (and genuinely is a crying/whimpy kid will cry at anything) and c: it seems very convenient that a bite is discovered subsequently by the parents with no independent witnesses.

i know many childminders, as my mother in law is one and its a small area. i have spoken to some who all say this is a crazy over reaction from the parent and that the childminder has been very weak in not supporting an innocent baby who doesnt know what he is oding/has been provoked. i am looking for unbiased answers though, whata re your thoughts?

mikeandrach_2

also to add, our son mixes with approx 10-15 children of all ages and various animals on a regular basis. he ahs only ever attempted to bite this one girl though, which to me says it is her behaviour causing the reaction, but again maybe i am biased?

koalamummy

I personally would have been looking for and securing alternative childcare after the second biting incident. Happening once I could accept, but happening twice when it was a known risk to me is ridiculous, and suggests serious lapses in supervision. From this point onwards I would have been unable to trust the safety of my child in this persons care. I am astounded that the other parents would wish their children to stay too especially as their child has sustained injuries!

go_cat

I'm sorry I agree with the childminder..she can't risk losing 2 children from her salary. I speak as a mum of a child who bit once at nursery and ever again, but was also bit on the face by another child.

Even at 15 months he should know its wrong. Have you dosed him up with Neurofen if it's that bad

meritaten

sorry - I had a biter myself (middle child), but can totally understand the other parents reaction and that the childminder has asked you to make alternative arrangements. most kids grow out of this and you obviously try to make him stop.
this other child has been bitten on at least three occasions now and I think this is where I would be drawing the line. as for the latest occasion - perhaps they provided photographs to the childminder? or seen bite marks and child stated yours bit her again? you cannot really call them liars as you weren't there either.
the childminder may not want to lose TWO paying customers. and may have said yours can return in June in the hopes he has stopped biting other people?
I do sympathise - it is really hard to stop a child from biting especially if you are not around. I have no practical advice to give you there sorry hun.

sweaty_betty

It's a tricky one. I've been on both sides - when my LO was bitten I was outraged and wanted to know what nursery was doing to prevent this from happening in future. When my LO bit another child I was mortified and wanted to know what we could do to stop it happening again.

I would hope that the childminder would take steps to address the biting - both from your child's behaviour perspective and also helping the other child to learn not to provoke such behaviour. But I do think this is difficult when there is only one member of staff (as opposed to a nursery) who cannot be everywhere and watching everything at all times.

Unfortunately the other parents have more leverage on the childminder if they have two children with her, which I'm guessing is why she's taking the approach she is (not that I agree, just understand why).

I would swallow this and look for alternative childcare. Not just because you need to, but because it sounds like your childminder isn't able to address these issues for whatever reason. Perhaps, if you can afford it, look at a nursery environment where they may be more equipped to dealing with things like this on a regular basis (just because there are more children, for a start).

In the meantime, is there a specific toy that your LO likes to chew on that can be taken everywhere (and other children can be told not to touch)? Sophie giraffe was a favourite for us - we used to send it in to nursery following the biting incidents in an attempt to stop the biting other children.

mikeandrach_2

ok thanks, i must admit i am surprised by the responses but take them on board. im not the most experienced parent by any means but i thougt biting was part of the teething process in many children. i must add that atEVERY incident he has been teething. he is not aggressive, he is 15 months old he doesnt understand right from wrong. i am obvosuly looking at alternative childcare. talking to 3 other childminders tongiht though, all 3 have or have recently had children who bite, and none have had this reaction

pleasedelete

Biting is normal and acceptable for a child of that age. If the childminder contacts the LA they will have an area senco or equivalent who will be able to provide her with information and support but it is not an issue with a child of that age.

The LA may also be interested if she has asked you to leave if she claims nursery funding for any 3 and 4 year olds as her inclusion practice is poor.

If you call your LA early years service they will offer you support with this.

mikeandrach_2

to add- yes there is a specific toy he likes to chew on, the very one the other kid tried taking him off him mid chew today! also, last time it happened he had the same toy and was walking through a doroway, she pushed in front of him in the doorway and knocked the toy out of his hand almost knocking him over

elsien

I think you need to reconsider some of your reactions given that you are perceiving your child as an innocent babe who has no idea what he's doing, whereas the other child is only a few months older and yet from your phrasing you appear to be blaming her for provoking him and almost deserving of being bitten.
A bit of a double standard going on here?

Cherry_Bomb

If I was the parent of the other child I wouldn't be very happy either. Why you are blaming the other child I have no idea (keeps putting her arm in front of your DS mouth)

Of course it couldn't possibly be your 15 month old it has to be the near 2 year old right? Scheming they are at that age.....

You've slagged off the mum for being in your opinion a trophy wife. Absolutely nothing to do with the biting situation it's just an excuse for you to have a dig. And quite a pathetic one at that. She's fully entitled to be upset.

Then you've pretty much called them liars for insinuating there was a bite mark when in your opinion there shouldn't be one.

Why trust the childminders take on things when she's not be there to stop the 3 previous bites?

Who's to say the mark didn't appear till later on?

Either way the childminder is of course going to 'side' with the other parents and I'd agree with her. Why should she lose part of her income because you can't see the other parents point if view?