Boyfriends and toilet roll

NPowerUser

Does he suffer from colds, most men & kids I know quite like using toilet roll to blow their nose if no tissues are available.

Its also not unusual for men wishing to wipe up and dry after sex instead of a damp patch or other damp areas.

Just a thought that it might not be just the obvious body waste that uses up toilet paper.

Feeding him a bit less whilst he is staying over might also cut down on visits to the loo.

oliveoil99

Have enjoyed the toilet humour on this thread, I tend to over use toilet roll because when I pull the end must be heavy handed end up with twice as much as needed cann't be 'a"sed to roll it back on the roll so just use what has been pulled. I remember an episode of Steptoe where old man Albert cut up Christmas wrapping paper for there outside bog.

Errata

This must be at the top of the pile titled "Major problems in my life" !

loracan1

NPowerUser wrote: »

Feeding him a bit less whilst he is staying over might also cut down on visits to the loo.

I'd love to be a fly on that wall when she explains why he's getting a toddler-sized portion of food!

j.e.j.

aileth wrote: »

Saying that, when I first met my husband he used kitchen roll because he could never be arsed to buy toilet roll...

I remember someone who used loo roll for kitchen roll, as he didn't want to 'waste money' buying both. What a nightmare, the loo roll kept coming to pieces whenever I tried to wipe the kitchen or mop something up.

Gloomendoom

Apparently, not all poop is the same Some types may require a lot more effort in the clean-up stage. Given the alternatives, a little extra paper is hardly worth whinging about.

Ghost Poop ~~ You know you've pooped. There's poop on the toilet paper, but no poop in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Poop ~~ Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of poop on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toilet bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey Poop ~~ This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your butt 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This poop leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Poop ~~ You're all done wiping your butt and you're about to stand up when you realize it...you've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Poop ~~ This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Poop ~~ You poop so much you lose a stone in weight.

Right Now Poop ~~ You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Poop ~~ This poop is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of poop usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Poop ~~ This poop hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your butt wet.

Wish Poop ~~ You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no poop!

Cement Block or Oh God Poop ~~ You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

Snake Poop ~~ This poop is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) ~~ Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican Food Poop (also called Screamers) ~ You'll know it's alright to eat again when your butthole stops burning.

Beer Drunk Poop ~~ This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poop doesn't smell too bad, but this poop is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of poop also usually happens at someone else's house.

The Frightened Turtle ~~ The kind of poop that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in.

The Bungee Poop ~~ The kind of poop that just hangs off your butt before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Poop ~~ The kind of poop where you eat really spicy food and your butthole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler ~~ The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber ~~ The kind of poop that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang ~~ The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Incredible Hulk Poop ~~ The king of poop that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

Jack the Ripper Poop ~~ The kind of poop that yanks out your butthair as it pushes its way out.

The Party Pooper ~~ The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Poop ~~ The kind of poop that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl Poop ~~ The kind of poop that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Poop ~~ When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a poop.

Oh Poop! Poop ~~ You poop so much and wipe your butt so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!

The Never Ending Poop ~~ It's the poop that keeps running out of your butt like pee, and just when you start wiping your butt your stomach gargles and splash, more poop runs out. This always happens after eating at K.F.C.

Big_G_RC

sometimes you wipe 4 times and the paper is still dirty so you have to keep wiping obviously.

I eat a high fruit diet and I squat* as much as I can on the loo and can usually get by on 6 squares (2x3) as the 2nd wipe is practically clean.

In my en suite I usually have 1 roll last near enough a month as most of my number 2's are dropped off at work!

*squatting helps straighten out the bowel resulting in a less restricted flow

loracan1

Big_G_RC wrote: »

In my en suite I usually have 1 roll last near enough a month as most of my number 2's are dropped off at work!

I think Gloomendoom should amend their post to include the:

Paid for poop ~ ~ where one earns money whilst evacuating one's bowels

thehappybutterfly

pigpen wrote: »

LOL... I have been known to blow then wipe with the same piece...

As have I pigpen But only if it's a little blow and fully contained in the loo roll.

thehappybutterfly

NPowerUser wrote: »

Does he suffer from colds, most men & kids I know quite like using toilet roll to blow their nose if no tissues are available.

Its also not unusual for men wishing to wipe up and dry after sex instead of a damp patch or other damp areas.

Just a thought that it might not be just the obvious body waste that uses up toilet paper.

Feeding him a bit less whilst he is staying over might also cut down on visits to the loo.

Seriously?! In my experience it's the woman who has to go and wipe and mop up after sex! My hubby uses his boxers. Or sometimes my pants