Please Help Me, really getting desperate

Gaster

I have posted about this a couple of times but have some full facts now that might enable somebody somewhere to guide me?

My wife, having had an affair for the last 11 months has decided to leave me. We have 2 children involved aged 7 and 12, and I am gutted. We are also poor as a result of poor financial planning, and I guess we are classic credit crunch contributors.

We live in a house that is worth at best £300000, with a mortgage of £174500 (interest only) - yes I know we are idiots. worse, we have 4 adults named on the mortgage and a declaration of trust that gives 2 of them (my parents in law) a minimum of £150k if we sell, and half of whatever a bigger sum may be.

We have a personal loan with a current settlement of £12024.37

A credit card with £8500 outstanding (in my name although she has a duplicate card with her name on it)

Another credit card with £7354 outstanding (in my name via the bank where we have our joint current account.

The borrowing is as a result of maintaining a lifestyle for all of us, beyond our means and also includes family holidays. So stupid, but I wasn't expecting the affair and this crisis- still stupid though.

We have some HP agreements that are all due to finish this year (in the next 4 months)

2 store cards - one with £200 left on it and one with £400

we have one final agreement with a finance company for a suite that is worth approx £1k now.

My salary is £40k - no other income.

I need to set myself up with somewhere to live etc. and I need to do the right thing by the kids. With no money or savings what course of action do you suggest I take. Its so hard here and I need to get something sorted no matter how hard it is.

busy_mom_2

I can offer little advice financially but good luck. XX

fluffnutter

I really feel for you. And applaud your wish to get things sorted so that you can support your kids. Whilst you're clear about the money you owe, you've not broken down how much these debts are costing each month in terms of repayments.

Firstly, I'd probably make sure that the wife couldn't spend on your credit card account. You don't suggest that things are acrimonious but it's still better to be on the safe side.

Second, work out precisely what comes in each month and what needs to go out. This will give you an idea of how much you can afford for a roof over your own head. Is the plan that your wife continues living in the family home with the kids? Is this feasible? I assuming the kids will stay with her. You say that there's just the one income. Now that your kids aren't babies, can you wife get a job? Could she afford the house if she did so?

A rule of thumb is about 20% of your income going to the kids - I think this is what the CSA generally uses although someone can no doubt correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not suggesting that this will ever require CSA involvement (I hope it doesn't). It's just useful to know how much is usual in terms of maintenance.

TBH, it's difficult to advise when there are still so many unknowns, particularly around whether your wife is able to earn or not.

Gaster

Sorry I meant I had no other income. My monthly take home is 2350 hers is 1017.

marisco_2

Sorry to hear of your troubles. I would recommend contacting one of the debt advice agencies and seeking their help in setting up an affordable repayment plan to the companies you owe. Friends of mine have found Step Change superb.

It could also be of a big benefit to you to post this on the debt free wannabe board. There are many people on there that have lots of experience and knowledge and could guide you.

As hard as it may be stay as ammicable as you can with your wife and try to come to an agreement on how you all move forward from this point. The more 'friendly' things stay the easier and less expensive it all is to sort out.

Keep in mind that you have two healthy, beautiful children and that is what is most important. All the financial stuff can and will be sorted in time.

gizmo111

Best place to post this is www.ondivorce.co.uk

Clearly the in laws are not going to get their money if you sell the property. CSA will be about £470 per month I htink, so wife will have to manage on her wages, tax credits, child benefit and CSA from you - will she keep the house?

Gaster

Marisco that was an uplifting post. Thank you so much for your kind words.

lindseykim13

Could you live with parents or a friend until your finances are clearer and things have been split?

gizmo111

lindseykim13 wrote: »

Could you live with parents or a friend until your finances are clearer and things have been split?

There is nothing to split all equity and more belongs to in laws.

Chickabiddybex

If you were to sell the house your in laws would get 150k and that leaves 150k left which you could pay off most of the mortgage with leaving about 25k left.

Add the other loans and it's around 55k in total.

I don't know the legalities behind who owes what or if it would be half each. Assuming its half each then you only owe 12.5k each.
Now I know it isn't lovely but it's easier to pay off. Maybe you could combine it all into one debt? If you could then by living modestly you should be able to pay it off in under 5 years quite easily.

Then you're back at square one. You buy a house you can afford with a sensible mortgage and go on living your life!

I know I'm looking at this quite simplistically and I admit I don't know anything of the legalities of debt between a married couple so I don't know if your debt would be split in half or not. But either way it looks to me that with good legal advice, good debt advice and determination from yourself you'll be over this in no time!

BitterAndTwisted

Investigate going onto a Debt-Management Plan making token payments towards the debts for a bit. Never forget that what you do not have they cannot take from you.

Then, suggest to your wife in the gentlest way possible how she is going to be able to manage on a grand a month plus 20% of your take-home pay. If you leave home you are going to have to be able to pay monthly rent and support yourself and this might mean her having to pay half of the mortgage out of what she gets coming in plus 100% of the Council Tax and utilities.