Please Help Me, really getting desperate

gizmo111

Chickabiddybex wrote: »

If you were to sell the house your in laws would get 150k and that leaves 150k left which you could pay off most of the mortgage with leaving about 25k left.

Add the other loans and it's around 55k in total.

I don't know the legalities behind who owes what or if it would be half each. Assuming its half each then you only owe 12.5k each.
Now I know it isn't lovely but it's easier to pay off. Maybe you could combine it all into one debt? If you could then by living modestly you should be able to pay it off in under 5 years quite easily.

Then you're back at square one. You buy a house you can afford with a sensible mortgage and go on living your life!

I know I'm looking at this quite simplistically and I admit I don't know anything of the legalities of debt between a married couple so I don't know if your debt would be split in half or not. But either way it looks to me that with good legal advice, good debt advice and determination from yourself you'll be over this in no time!

How do you come to that conclusion - House is worth £300K, mortgage owed is £174K and in laws are owed £150K - there is negative equity in reality.

gizmo111

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Investigate going onto a Debt-Management Plan making token payments towards the debts for a bit. Never forget that what you do not have they cannot take from you.

Then, suggest to your wife in the gentlest way possible how she is going to be able to manage on a grand a month plus 20% of your take-home pay. If you leave home you are going to have to be able to pay monthly rent and support yourself and this might mean her having to pay half of the mortgage out of what she gets coming in plus 100% of the Council Tax and utilities.

This will mean her either selling and owing her parents or paying all her own council tax and mortgage. OP only needs to pay CSA.

marisco_2

I would recommend taking the advice from a good solicitor. Not suggesting here that you get heavy handed or simply look out for number one, I dont get the impression that is what you would do anyway.

It would be money well spent to know exactly where you stand legally in regard to the financial set up of the mortgage and your debts. You could go into far more detail with them than you understandably may wish to on a public forum.

At all times when having discussions with your wife remain calm. Aim the conversation in being concerned for hers and the childrens welfare and show that you want to work with her in creating a stable family life for the kids. Something every parent fundamentally wants. Bare with me here this isn't as one sided as it sounds.

Your kids having a stable family life includes their dad having somewhere comfy and homely where they can visit and stay over with you. For the kids benefit you all need to be able to start again and be okay. It also involves any communication between yourself and your wife being respectful. Your access to the kids being regular and as least disruptive to their routine as possible. In other words all the things that enable you to be the dad you want to be and the kids not being any more traumatised by your split than is totally necessary.

Whatever emotions you may feel as to the reasons for your family splitting up keep them out of any discussions with your wife for now at least. I dont suggest bottling them up though. It could be a very smart move to approach your gp and ask to be referred for counselling. You have had a massive shock and are now no doubt in a bit of turmoil facing a future by yourself, sorting out finances and a new basis to your relationship with your kids. A scary prospect for anyone and not something I would recommend trying to face by yourself.

Been there and done all this myself 7 years ago. It took a long time to pull myself and my kids through it and for life to become easier. Take support from friends, family and your gp. That is what they are there for. I mentioned the latter because the stresses and worries of the next few weeks are enough to put a huge strain on you. Being aware of this and taking steps to minimalise it is part of the recovery process. There is light at the end of the tunnel though, it just takes a bit of time.

ecgirl07

gizmo111 wrote: »

How do you come to that conclusion - House is worth £300K, mortgage owed is £174K and in laws are owed £150K - there is negative equity in reality.

its a mess of debt right enough

roughly £30000 plus any shortfall on the mortgage/money to inlaws

It does not look there is any value in selling the house as the mortgage company will take their full amount owed and you would then have to pay back the inlaws over time the balance of the £150k they were due.

Looks like you need to sit down with the inlaws and and ex wife to be and see how different scenarios will play out financially ie you staying in the house and continuing to pay the mortgage and child support or your wife staying in the house and paying the mortgage.

At the same time post a statement of affairs on the debt free board and get advice on how to best reduce the debt asap.

good luck with it all.

Hanging_by_a_thread

You may also find CAB a good point of reference for advice.

pinkshoes

So in short, you have a house worth £300k, but owe about £354k?

She doesn't earn enough to take on the mortgage on her own (as her parents have a 50% stake...), so the best thing to do would be to sell the house, then take out a loan each for £27k.

Are the children going with her or staying with you?

Have you got your own bank account to pay your salary into?

I have a friend who went through this 2 years ago (the two children are a couple of years older) and splitting the finances was the most sensible thing they did! Unfortunately, things did get bitter, (starting with her telling the kids it was him who had the affair!!), but thankfully all finances had been sorted by then!

Just keep smiling and normal for the sake of the children, and every decision you make, you need to do what's best for them.