Uncommitted partner

flutterbyuk25

Reverbe wrote: »

Exactly.I used to get US Glamour mag several years ago( now can't find it anywhere far better than the UK one) ..

Off topic...but they sell it in WHSmiths where i live, and occasionally, oddly the local Spar shop!

x

3_kids_2_jobs_1_dog

Hi
My OH used to be exactly the same, totally in denial about our financial situation, whenever something needed paying he would assume that I would have the money to pay it. To make things worse he used to be a manager for a large supermarket and everynight would come home with bags of food we did not need, he could easily spend £20 a night and have nothing to actually make a meal out of, it would all be what I term 'rubbish', drinks crisps biscuits etc. He would buy lunch from the staff canteen and snacks from the vending machines.
How times have changed!!! He has changed his job and now loves nothing more than to come home with whoopsies either from the little shop he runs or the local supermarket he pops into on the way home. He always takes his lunch and snacks with him now. I also take my lunch to work and the kids all have packed lunches.
The children where vearing towards being fussy eaters 5-6 years ago so I slammed on the brakes, using the old 'eat it or go hungry' threat, it took a couple of weeks but now they will eat anything and everything and thank me for it afterwards. I batch cook and bake and my husband is very proud of how we stretch our budget and still manage to eat healthily and well. I also shop from discount food retailers who sell short or out of date food and the kids love it when a delivery arrives as they know there will be treats for them, they use to turn their noses up at things past their dates but they have realised that the dates are just guidance and not law!
Good luck in converting your OH, don't give up it will be worth it in the end.
321

GettingItRight

Being his own boss I would assume he would be a little better at being frugal. When being frugal, normally one or two small pleasures have to be sacrificed.

I for one am always frugal nowadays. I get more pleasure from retaining that 50p here and there, which would otherwise be easily wasted. I do not live with my partner, but I have observed her habits. Groceries, she will always pick up the cheapest brand, but anything else she'll easily throw her money at without a worry on price. She even tells me she has a pair of jeans which she paid 175 euros for, which left me :eek:

ceridwen

Errr....I do see both points of view here....

Because I have spent many years working at a full-time job now - then I understand the stereotypical "male" viewpoint in some ways. Basically - I would phrase it as "I am the one earning the money/most of the money in this household - so I dont think its unreasonable to have some say in what the financial priorities are here" on the one hand and "Life is too short to spend it worrying about saving literally every single penny there" on the other hand.

So - if I were a man in a couple - then I would probably be unwilling to devote any of my "spare time" to doing things to save a small amount of money and I WOULD certainly be very aware that I was the one earning the "lions share" of the money coming in and therefore feel entitled to express my opinions on financial priorities and have them taken fully into account on the other hand.

Most of us speak from our personal circumstances.

In my own personal circumstances - I am the one earning ALL the money coming into the household (so I feel entitled to decide on where it all goes and what are priority items for spending) - but that doesnt matter (ie because I am a single person household). I also am holding down a full-time job - and am therefore not prepared to spend much of my free time on saving small bits of money. My free time is valuable and I expect to use it for what I want.

Howsomever - because I am the only person in my household - then I make value judgements sometimes and will sometimes use small amounts of my precious "free time" for moneysaving purposes on the one hand - but, on the other hand, I am getting the full benefit of what money is coming into the household (ie because I am the only one who is living on this salary).

Oh dear...I'm probably not making myself very clear here...so I hope you understand where I am coming from here...in that I am saying that O.H. probably thinks "I earn - so I decide" and it is a valid viewpoint - even if not the one someone else would agree with.

Maybe the way forward here is to do a joint work-through on the level of housework specifically applicable to just running the house (ie somewheres on the "what is necessary and reasonable - without creating extra work on the one hand or avoiding housework that clearly needs doing in any reasonable persons eyes on the other hand) and see what respective "contributions" you both make towards this??

Think my own take - in your position - would probably amount to:
"We both decided to buy/rent this house and I AM spending the minimum amount of time/effort on housework compatible with keeping the place reasonably clean and tidy. That comes to x hours per week."

"We both decided to have the children (assuming this is the case) and it takes x amount of time to deal with the demands of parenthood (eg ...and I would present a rough record of time/effort involved in parental "duties" - taking to school/taking to medical appointments/teaching them the "basic" things children should know in way of looking after themselves/manners/etc)."

I would draw a comparison table of how many hours needed to be spent on earning the income coming into the household on the one hand and how many hours were involved in necessary housework and amount of time/effort necessary to bring children up appropriately with all things involved in being a "good parent" and point out that he had wanted the children too and we had decided jointly when we were going to have them and how many we would have and, from that, I know I personally would certainly be able to prove that we were both "working" to "keep the show on the road" and were therefore both entitled to a say as to how the income coming in was spent.

Like all of us - I can only speak for my own personal circumstances and what the set-up would be if I had got "partnered-up" and we had decided we were going to have children. Other peoples circumstances will vary obviously..

Sue14

OP you have my sympathy. My OH drives me mad in lots of ways, but this makes me realise just how lucky I am with him, as he always eats whatever I give him, whether it's to use things up before they go off or not. I don't usually ask what he wants, unless I'm trying to decide between a couple of things and want a second opinion, otherwise he just gets what I feel like making and is happy with whatever it is and always clears the plate. Of course the fact that he can't cook, and would starve if he didn't have what he's given, may have something to do with it, lol!

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

My Oh jokes that the pay goes in and I whip most of the cash away to other accounts/to pay bills before he gets to see a penny.ali x

I got my OH signed up for online banking, to save him having to go to the cashpoint each month when he gets paid, but as he doesn't have a clue how to use a computer I deal with his account and transfer the housekeeping money over to my account, he always jokes that he'd better behave in case he upsets me and I clear out his account, lol! Not that I would, but I could, lol!

lauren_1

Judi wrote: »

My sympathies. Every week my husband moans about the cost of the groceries and every week i remind him that £30 of that is on his fags.

£30 :eek

Has he tried roll ups?
You could always get him a small 12.5gm pouch, some filters, papers and a little roller one week in place of one pack of cigarettes.

happierdaystocome

OP you habe my sympathys. My OH was married before we met and from what I have heard from his parents friends it appears that OH did all the housework, cooking and food shopping. OH ex was not a frugle person and so neither was OH, in fact OH is still paying off the debt he incurred while they where together.

Althought since we have been together he does not cook, clean or do the food shop, he feels he is rebelling against what he went through with his ex, I feel he is taking the P1$$ out of me.

As for being frugal he has an understanding of why I do the things I do, as we want to clear his debt and save for a deposit for a house but it doesnt stop him from coming home with take away dinners for everyone when its his turn to cook, as he is too tired (we both work full time and do the same job but I manage to cook on my nights). We have discussed bugeting and OH does understand the need for this but cant put it in to practise.

But Im figure Im in this for the long haul and although he isnt very good at being OS he is an amazing step dad to my children, so it swings in round abouts.

System

lauren_1 wrote: »

£30 :eek

Has he tried roll ups?
You could always get him a small 12.5gm pouch, some filters, papers and a little roller one week in place of one pack of cigarettes.

Tried them years ago and vowed never again cause they made him ill. He tried those tube thingies too that you just put tobacco in but the ends kept falling off and burning his clothes/car seat/settee so he gave that idea up too.

bluebag

Judi wrote: »

Tried them years ago and vowed never again cause they made him ill. He tried those tube thingies too that you just put tobacco in but the ends kept falling off and burning his clothes/car seat/settee so he gave that idea up too.

I've not tried them personally, but a few of my friends have gone over to the electronic cigs, takes a bit of up front investment but a lot have stuck with them and find them cheaper.

diable

McKneff wrote: »

life is too short to worry about 4 eggs

or four candles........