Sh*t how do I deal withthis information??

anonymousie

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

As our children get older - and the OP's children are not toddlers! - I think this 'be careful' approach is often the very best we can do. Even as adults we may feel uncomfortable with someone else's behaviour, but we've (mostly) learned how to fend it off or deal with it. Whether it's grooming or dating, teenagers need to learn what to do when they're not happy with another person's approach!

thought you might like an update.

I have decided to go with Savvy Sues wise words, after all if this chap is what he is alleged to be, we have been going to the group for several years without any ill effects- as I say he doesn't seem to even chat to the kids at coffee time (and they show no signes ofdiscomfort going to the group). I am fully aware that, though this guy is being talked (gossipped...??!) about, that doesn't mean that anyone else is any more "safe" in any group. You can't CRB everyone, and you have to know about the limits (ie you have to have been caught:rotfl: ). I have just chatted generally about staying safe and avoiding anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable whatever. I think telling them to "avoid X because I say so" is a terrible thing to do- it will both scare them, and give them the opposite vibe that anyone else is OK, "because Mum would have said if they weren't"! IYSWIM

I had a response re the safeguarding policy- firstly the orchestra that DD1 attends on a residential basis has fully CRB checked staff and a written policy about how adults should behave, which though basic is appropriate.

The group policy isn't a definate document, but they have thought it through and the national secretary is aware that my kids are the only 2 that attend our group and are deemed not to be at risk because they are never attending alone, which I think is reasonable really (and at least it has been thought about), as I say they group is a mixed bag of people rather like attending a church service and having coffee after (I'm sorry I draw the church parallel, but it is another setting with which I am very familiar). You can't (and shouldn't ) try to CRB check the whole group. This is a basically adult organisation and regardless of this gent, it is a fair assumption that someone in any large group of adults will harbour some ill will or "wicked plans" of some sort re kids- one would fool ones self if one didn't think this.

Does that make sense?
Thanks for all you help

Errata

Thanks for the update. At least this has given you an opportunity to remind the kids about how they can keep themselves safe.
A couple of centuries ago when I was a gymslipped schoolgirl we quite quickly got very smart to the blokes who walked very slowly past the hockey pitch and we took their creepy behaviour with a very large pinch of salt. I don't remember any of our mums, or the good sisters, having a chat with us about 'staying safe'. Nobody came to any harm, and we all had a good laugh about them. And an even bigger laugh when a bloke decided to flash at us!

asea

Happychappy wrote: »

PWW2004 What a strange world you live in, does it escape you the fact that time and time again people involved in the religous business are prosecuted for abusing children?

Is this not a fact ? do you not accept that time and time again perverts and deviants who prey on young children are employed within the religous business for one religion or another. Was it the phrase "All the" if this is causing you offence I apologise and shall amend this to "with perverts and deviants who have been convicted for child abuse and found to be allegedly working in the religous business" Does this really alter the facts and change the point of my post that children should not trust people in power over them, and children and parents should talk to each other?

If you felt I meant everyone I would have said everyone, but clearly this is not the case as I am sure there must be good people working in the business as well as the volunteers. Unfortunately a proportion discredit it for their own ends.

I am sorry you feel aggreived by me stating a fact that there are deviants within the industry, clearly this is undeniable, and with such a diverse world the same type of individuals I am sure are in other organisations, but the Church does allegedly appear to attract an awful lot. Or possibly the press are more sensitive towards it

I did not state ALL persons employed in this business were deviants and paedophiles, but time and time again they get found out and often the trail is there to see, if only their employers wished to face up to it and not hide the truth.

I also added the view that sometimes people who were whispered about, may not be guilty, but the whole point of my post is to talk to your children and be honest with them. A little light reading, and before you ask no I didnt write the articles of which there are many.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/05/03/nvicar103.xml

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2007/04/26/nchoir126.xml

http://www.guardian.co.uk/religion/Story/0,,1766941,00.html

Is this a worldwide problem in the business, or just the press making up stories again ?

http://www.bishop-accountability.org/priestdb/PriestDBbylastName-R.html

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,1001812,00.html

I am sure there are many good people who work in the industry and my point which you clearly miss is for children not to trust anyone and talk to their parents and parents to talk to their children. Just because someone is in a position of power to children does not mean they are safe.

And what will I now get from Asea and the religous police ?
"have you tried googling his name? there might be something in an old newspaper report or something of the same ilk you could also just ask him, perhaps "

What are you hoping to find Asea :j ? a dark secret from the past, yes possibly, as I was raised as a staunch Catholic until early teens. So what should I expect, a burning cross in my garden or a burning bush even :eek: , Jeez whatever next, little wonder years ago one had to daub the sign of the fish and hide from persecution, now I get a reverse investigation by the Asea's. :rolleyes:

ermm i wasn't referring to you you berk I was referring to the guy that the OP is worried about with her children

Savvy_Sue

thank you for your kind words. I have a friend whose partner has a criminal record, and some awareness of the damage which can be done by idle gossip about it ...

anonymousie wrote: »

I had a response re the safeguarding policy- firstly the orchestra that DD1 attends on a residential basis has fully CRB checked staff and a written policy about how adults should behave, which though basic is appropriate.

That sounds about right - I'd be astonished to find any organisation offering activities with children where parents are NOT present which didn't have such a policy and carry out CRB checks.

anonymousie wrote: »

The group policy isn't a definate document, but they have thought it through and the national secretary is aware that my kids are the only 2 that attend our group and are deemed not to be at risk because they are never attending alone, which I think is reasonable really (and at least it has been thought about), as I say they group is a mixed bag of people rather like attending a church service and having coffee after (I'm sorry I draw the church parallel, but it is another setting with which I am very familiar). You can't (and shouldn't ) try to CRB check the whole group. This is a basically adult organisation and regardless of this gent, it is a fair assumption that someone in any large group of adults will harbour some ill will or "wicked plans" of some sort re kids- one would fool ones self if one didn't think this.

It may not be appropriate, but if other children are involved elsewhere in the country then at a national level the organisation might consider whether they need a Child Protection Policy. This needn't go as far as saying that anyone in a position of leadership needs to be CRB checked, but should cover what they would do if a child disclosed abuse of any kind.

I'm suggesting this as a possible way of shutting down the gossip, which may or may not have some basis in fact. A CP policy is always very clear that if abuse is disclosed, then ONE NAMED PERSON in the organisation will be informed, and it will be THEIR responsibility to inform Social Services etc. If someone has to be suspended, then no-one is to know why, it's not to be talked about, discussed, speculated on. No-one else is to talk to the child about what they've disclosed.

The other thing is that even where CRB checks are carried out, a criminal record doesn't automatically disbar the person from the role for which the check's been carried out. It's a judgement call, and the result of the CRB check must remain confidential.

If your local committee had any awareness of these things, the person who spoke to you initially might think twice before 'sharing' confidential information, however gained.

A reminder of what was first said, before I'm shot down in flames for putting children at risk:

anonymousie wrote: »

I take the elder 2 kids to a music group (13 and 11 yrs). A comitee member has phoned me as she felt (as the only member who brings kids) I should know that one of the elderly gents has been to prison some years ago for assaulting 2 teenage girls.
This was prior to the sex offenders register, so we don't know if it was a sexual offence, but that seems to be what she understands I think.

Even if this information is true, this worthy committee member is, IMO, way out of order. This chap is odd. He doesn't socialise well. He's being gossiped about. Any chance those three things are linked?