I resent my sister and feel so guilty

aliasojo

Mojisola wrote: »

This doesn't necessarily follow. I know who people who have felt the most immense relief when a relative has died.

Some have said that it's only from that point on that they were truly able to start living their own life.

Indeed. I loathed my Father. I didn't feel relief when he died, I was pretty indifferent by then. Guilt wasn't even an option. :rotfl:

The old 'blood is thicker than water' chestnut is just a sound bite that really means nothing to many people so again, no point in touting that as a given just because it may feel apt to the person saying it.

lostinrates

Dunroamin wrote: »

Feeling guilty usually means that, deep inside, you know that you're in the wrong - a bit like conscience really.

IMO this is seriously misguided, and potentially damaging line of thought.

People often describe feeling guilt over their abuse ( childhood, rape, do estic violence etc) or the breakdown of parents relationships and all sorts of things. Is it a person's fault they receive bad treatment? Should they too feel 'in the wrong'?


I am deliberately not commenting specifically to op's situation and feelings here.

jayII

Dunroamin wrote: »

Feeling guilty usually means that, deep inside, you know that you're in the wrong - a bit like conscience really.

I feel guilty every time I say no to my children. Are you suggesting I give in to their every wants and needs because 'I know deep inside that I'm in the wrong'? :eek:

I can imagine what your comments would be if I posted that I said yes to their every want and demand! :rotfl:

Raksha

marmitepotato wrote: »

OP, you know what? Ultimately you will have the upper hand. It's your baby and only you can control who has contact with your baby.

I totally understand your feelings as I had these too. My sister was always the golden child, she was clever, she was pretty, she was everything I was not. My parents gave her everything, I was an afterthought.


Plenty of posters on here were quick to slate me because I said you were lucky to have a sister, and you are OP, you just don't know it yet.


Good luck with your baby and your life OP.

If the OP has been raised to 'let your sister do x' and respect her parents requests, she may not believe it IS up to her, causing more internal conflict - see my earlier post about being bridesmaid....

Ps - my kids laugh at me because I consciously treat them differently, they don't complain that it's not fair, they laugh and say 'we all know life's a b@@ch' and get on with it, because its swings and roundabouts, but they all know we are there for them when they need it, appropriate to their ages as what is appropriate for a 15 year old isn't for a 32 year old

lostinrates

Raksha wrote: »

If the OP has been raised to 'let your sister do x' and respect her parents requests, she may not believe it IS up to her, causing more internal conflict - see my earlier post about being bridesmaid....

Nevertheless, now op is looking at her emotion and her wants for her child she can choose to continue this or change. No one pretends changing is easy, but it is possible once the 'issue' is identified.

Lilith1980

duchy wrote: »

OP what you are feeling isn't normal

I think 'normal' is a very subjective concept. People define normal as to whether it fits in with their own expectations of a given situation.

Who are we to say how we would feel in a similar situation?

Acc72

marmitepotato wrote: »

OP, you know what? Ultimately you will have the upper hand. It's your baby and only you can control who has contact with your baby.

I certainly hope that the OP does not think this way.

It is horrible to see when a person uses their child in this way and although the person may think that it allows them to get their own way, it actually can have a devastating effect on the rest of the family.

Dunroamin

Mojisola wrote: »

This doesn't necessarily follow. I know who people who have felt the most immense relief when a relative has died.

Some have said that it's only from that point on that they were truly able to start living their own life.

Feeling relief and feeling guilty at the same time are perfectly possible; you can often also feel guilty about feeling relieved.

Dunroamin

jayII wrote: »

I feel guilty every time I say no to my children. Are you suggesting I give in to their every wants and needs because 'I know deep inside that I'm in the wrong'? :eek:

I can imagine what your comments would be if I posted that I said yes to their every want and demand! :rotfl:

Of course you shouldn't be giving in all the time but then, I can't understand why anyone would feel guilty for saying no to a child

Dunroamin

lostinrates wrote: »

IMO this is seriously misguided, and potentially damaging line of thought.

People often describe feeling guilt over their abuse ( childhood, rape, do estic violence etc) or the breakdown of parents relationships and all sorts of things. Is it a person's fault they receive bad treatment? Should they too feel 'in the wrong'?


I am deliberately not commenting specifically to op's situation and feelings here.

I do appreciate that these situations are different; perhaps this is a case of our using the same word for two different sets of circumstances, rather like we use the word depression?