To tell or not to tell?

bright_side

I have been on anti depressants for over 20 years. It's just a fact of life for myself and my children, they probably forget most of the time and I doubt they feel it necessary to tell their partners/friends unless it happens to come up in conversation. I certainly don't. Maybe it's the same for your partner - just part of the norm and not something he feels necessary to discuss with you.

onlyroz

It's none of your business, and your boyfriend probably knows anyway.

Ladyhawk

As I have already said, I'd tell him. Not in a nasty gossipy way. How about " Babe, I noticed that Alice is on anti depressants. Is there any thing we should be doing differently? Maybe we need to visit her more often/ offer to help/ call more often/ tell her we love her?"

He'll probably say... Oh yeah she's been on them forever and they've really helped her get through some rough patches

Why have you all assumed that OP is considering telling her bf to be spiteful, judgemental or to stir up trouble? Maybe her bf has been ashamed and doesn't know how to bring it up? Not that there is any shame in it? Maybe Mum left it out on purpose because she wanted them to know but didn't want to actually say it.

aliasojo

Ladyhawk wrote: »

Why have you all assumed that OP is considering telling her bf to be spiteful, judgemental or to stir up trouble?

No, that's what you have assumed we all think.

I don't think the OP is any of those things. I think she just needs to respect other people's privacy. Given that there is no suggestion that this woman is showing any signs of being in need of 'consideration'.

Exactly the opposite in fact, according to the OP.

Ladyhawk

aliasojo wrote: »

No, that's what you have assumed we all think.

She has been called a number of things in this thread including a gossip. Ok maybe you don't ALL think that but there are a fair proportion who do.

And surely it's not a bad thing to take stock and remind ourselves that we should have more consideration for peopl, especially family (though some certainly dont deserve it!)

mrbrightside842

EpsomOldie wrote: »

Aliasojo and others, you have expressed what I think far more articulately and politely than I could have. I have started to reply to the OP four times now and simply could not contain myself.

OP, to put it as politely as I can, if you have had a boyfriend for years you must be at least in your mid-late teens and therefore not a immature child.

In my opinion, you sound a right piece: a gossip and a trouble-maker (but in a really caring way - not).

And while I'm at it, a bit thick too - "Omg my boyfriend's mum is taking antidepressants!" So ****** what?

Butt out, grow up and get out more.

I think this is really harsh! She doesn't sound a 'right piece' and isn't causing trouble. She's asked a question that she considers a dilemma. I wouldn't know what to do myself, I'd be torn between respecting her privacy and being honest with my OH. It's not like seeing a leg cream (or whatever it was likened to before) and thinking 'Oh she's got a rash', people DO see antidepressants and think 'OMG what's wrong, why is she unhappy?' because they have not encountered it before.

Saturnalia

If his mum has left her prescription lying on her son's kitchen counter then there is clearly no secret between them that a) she has seen a doctor and b) she has been prescribed something. They've probably talked about the subject as well.

So aside from it not being your place to tell, what precisely are you planning to reveal that isn't already known between the people who need to know?

balletshoes

mrbrightside842 wrote: »

I think this is really harsh! She doesn't sound a 'right piece' and isn't causing trouble. She's asked a question that she considers a dilemma. I wouldn't know what to do myself, I'd be torn between respecting her privacy and being honest with my OH. It's not like seeing a leg cream (or whatever it was likened to before) and thinking 'Oh she's got a rash', people DO see antidepressants and think 'OMG what's wrong, why is she unhappy?' because they have not encountered it before.

but, as has been done to death on this thread already, certain medications aren't necessarily prescribed for depression,
including this particular one. So the OP has no idea, just from the prescription, what her bf's mum has been prescribed it for. If she wants to help, she'd be better asking bf's mum if theres anything she can do. Telling bf she's seen this prescription in his mum's house, theres a real chance of it all hitting the fan when it gets back to his mum - she'll be the snoop, the tattle-tale, no matter how well-meaning she might be in telling her bf.

OP if you have a good relationship with your bf's mum, talk to her about what you've seen.
If you don't, keep your nose out of the whole thing.

Pollycat

Ladyhawk wrote: »

And surely it's not a bad thing to take stock and remind ourselves that we should have more consideration for peopl, especially family (though some certainly dont deserve it!)

Yes, we should have more consideration for people - and to me, that means the OP should have more consideration for her boyfriend and his Mum.
She should respect the fact that she is not party to this specific health information (regardless of the reason why she hasn't been told) and she should therefore respect their privacy and mind her own business until (or if) the subject is brought up by either of them.

CH27

Ladyhawk wrote: »

She has been called a number of things in this thread including a gossip. Ok maybe you don't ALL think that but there are a fair proportion who do.

And surely it's not a bad thing to take stock and remind ourselves that we should have more consideration for peopl, especially family (though some certainly dont deserve it!)

The OP should be considerate enough to respect her bf's mum's privacy.