Looking for the silver lining

Sun_Addict

Hi all! Things still manic in the SA household (and at the SA workplace too for that matter!). Visit from social worker yesterday revealed I have to have a one to one carers assessment soon. Although not a bad thing as sounds like I could get a one-off payment to treat myself with, a carer's bus pass and cinema pass. Can't imagine either of us staying awake long enough through a film to warrant going to the cinema but a nice idea all the same.

Still battling with Mr SA over the beer. I bought him a crate of 20 cans on New Year's Day thinking they would last a while. He only had 4 cans left last night, which I think is more than enough for anyone in one night let alone someone on medication! He wasn't happy and wanted to go to the shops to get a couple more. I put my foot down, said we can't afford to spend a lot on alcohol and he shouldn't be drinking every night, Christmas has gone, he's on medication, etc, etc, etc. He then said he'd have to go back to work, fed up of having no money and me controlling him, and went off upstairs to watch Top Gear in a strop. Went upstairs to check on him and he was going through my handbag. Reckons he was looking for my phone so he could phone his phone to check how loud his ringtone is. Mmm.

In some ways I feel awful after all he's been through denying him a small pleasure BUT thinking about his health and our finances he can't keep this up. I don't want a big chunk of our income to go on beer. I don't say anything to him enjoying a can or two of an evening but no more. Am I being unfair?

In the end he came back downstairs, opened up one of his cans of beer and promptly fell asleep! Not really looking forward to getting home tonight and the battle re-commencing. He's got £5 in his wallet in case his carer takes him for a coffee but what's the betting there'll be some fresh cans in the fridge tonight!

Big sigh!

debtfreewannabe321

Oh SA, men. My dh is the same and spends probably 40% of his money each month on alcohol, another 40% on tobacco and then moans he has no money. Considering Mr Sa is on medication too I would hold strong on the minimum alcohol rule. It's expensive, not great for you and you could spend the money more wisely, so i'm definitely with you . Perhaps buy him a nice hot chocolate instead

beanielou

Oh dear that is a really difficult one.
I so see where you are coming from with the not wanting to drink so much from an financial & health point of view.
Sorry, that I cant think of anything to suggest

grannyx2

Sorry to hear Mr SA still being difficult, my OH binge drinks too, spending much more than necessary or sensible on beer. However, much as it concerns me, he doesn't have Mr SAs problems. Could you speak to his consultant/GP about it and see if they will get on board with explaining the dangers of drink and Meds

(((Hugs))) sounds as if you could do with them

Granny x

Chardonnay

Ah, sounds like you've still got your hands full SA!

Completely agree with everyone else that it's important for you to stand firm on the drinking issue. After the serious health issues Mr SA's had and the medication he's taking, I'm sure it's really important that he looks after himself and doesn't drink too much. It must be really hard for you after being so busy at work all day, to get home and have to deal with these issues! Hope it gets easier for you soon.

The cinema pass sounds like it could be great for you, if you're able to find the time to use it! Anything that gives you a bit of "me" time has to be a good thing!

please-let-me-be-lucky

I think you should just take comfort in the fact that you are looking out for Mr SA at a time when he can't look after himself, and keep refusing the alcohol.

Take any freebies and passes you can get. Things I didn't think we needed in the more early days after Mr Lucky's hospital release became really useful later on Xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello SA,


I think you are right to stand firm. To me, four cans sounds like a lot but I am a bit tough - only drink Fridays and Saturdays - did school once with a hang over NEVER again!


Aside from anything else you want him better, the alcohol will not help him to recover, it will not help him know what his limits are or see any improvements.


I wonder if he is drinking because he is bored? is it frustration? Well it must be. What about the kids how/what are they doing? can some one else distract him for a bit?


It must be like living with a stranger. For both of you. How incredibly difficult


hopefully this stage of the recovery won't last long. hang on in there, post often. no bottling stuff up.


xxxx

Sun_Addict

Thank you all so much for your support

Fortunately last night, although Mr SA only had 2 cans of lager left in the fridge, he listened to me and didn't moan. In the end he only drank 1 can. I honestly don't mind him having just a couple but can't keep funding 4 plus every night. Trying to get him to see that as I don't drink in the week why should he. I told him it will taste much better if he waits until the weekend. Might be flogging a dead horse though! I think he does it out of habit as when he was well he would sit down every night with a few beers and watch TV. He's trying to pick up where he left off.

I've had to come up with a new tactic budget wise. I'm going to allow £10 per day plus £60 for the big shop. I know it sounds a lot totalling £130 per week but this is to be for all food, drink, bus fares, Mr SA's spending money when he's with the carer, coffees/drinks at the weekend, etc. I'm hoping I won't spend this much of course. I'll see how this goes. I've got a weekly budget app on my phone and intend to use it. New budget starts as from today.

Exercise wise - I've been walking either to or from work every day so far this week. Unless it rains I intend to walk both ways once my bus pass runs out.

Back on the Fly Lady case too. Last night I cleared out some of my kitchen cupboards, getting rid of old glasses and mugs past their best. Felt much better for doing this.

Mr A order coming tonight. There is a crate of beer on it for Mr SA, will suggest he makes it last until next Wednesday! Wish me luck!

Sun_Addict

Started new budget yesterday with £130 today now down to just (consults app) £58.20 already! This is due to Mr A delivery last night, topping up Mr SA's wallet and picking up a few bits and bobs (mainly for Mr SA). I'm determined to stick to it though.

Mr SA has had a schedule of vaccinations through which start next week. Because he's had a stem cell transplant and his immune system has been wiped out and rebuilt he has to have all his childhood vaccinations again. You should see the list.:eek:

Social worker visiting again tonight to sort out paying carer. Physio has been to see him this morning. Phoned Red Cross to take back some equipment he doesn't use.

Tonight I plan to phone Virgin Media to see if I can get that bill down. Fingers crossed.

Sun_Addict

Friday and time for a look at finances.

Paid £10 off debt so new total is £2790.
Paid £6.12 into VSP so new total £34.43.

Tesco credit card (which must be paid off at the end of January) balance was £531.89 (yikes!!) so paid off £131.89 which means another £400 to come off. Will be able to do this as no council tax to come out of February's wages thank goodness.

Still managing to stick to budget and currently have £49.25 left until Wednesday.

Ran 5k on treadmill last night whilst Mr SA asleep/watching Top Gear. Weigh in day tomorrow, hopefully won't have put any on, would like to have lost something, aiming for one pound a week.

Mr SA still being a pain but think I'm finally getting through to him re the beer. He only drank 2 cans last night so plenty left for the weekend. He threw a mardy about not being able to drive and go back to work, said he may as well have snuffed it, what was the point in getting better, etc, etc. Gave him a pep talk and he now realises he must have patience and get through this rehab part of his recovery.

And last but not least finally got some joy with Virgin Media, although have downgraded slightly. Bill is now £21.25 per month cheaper.