16 year old possibly dropping out of college

ellay864

My stepson started his A levels, 6 weeks in he decided he didn't like his subjects and changed them. He never really seemed to settle and then into his 2nd year he felt he'd had enough and quit. He was jobless for a while and hated not being able to do the stuff he wanted, plus many of his mates were at college or working. He did get a part-time job after about 18 months but his heart was never fully in it, and then in September he re-started A levels again. He didn't have to pay anything for his course and is so much more motivated now having realised the world doesn't revolve round him and that he has to put some effort in to get anything out

Dustykitten

Hugs OP. You won't be the only parent and child in this boat today. Don't rush him to make a snap decision. Some questions:

How was his work at GCSE? Did he require a lot of support/organising or does he have the skills for independent study?

I don't agree totally with January AS's (I have 19 and 16 year old boys, work in a secondary school with regards to exams and am a Governor so a fair bit of experience). They have done one term of a course, sometimes in a new environment, often new subjects and very different skills may be required to GCSEs - is it a wonder some flounder?

What your DS needs now is a bit of support, time to lick his wounds and then to know that there are lots of options open to him. There are resists, dropping a subject (how many is he doing), redoing the year, changing course for Setember, apprenticeships, work etc.

Teenagers grunt a lot and when backed into a corner and poked they strop or hit out.

Take heart in the fact that things could be a whole lot worse and get support from the school, connections, lots of websites etc. Good luck

meritaten

A levels are not the be-all and end-all. are there any vocational courses offered at the college he would be happier doing?
You must talk to him and find out why he isn't putting in the effort. does he feel the work is too hard for him? it isn't easy to admit you don't understand the work - far better to appear lazy or indifferent!

silvermist05

Dustykitten wrote: »

Hugs OP. You won't be the only parent and child in this boat today. Don't rush him to make a snap decision. Some questions:

How was his work at GCSE? Did he require a lot of support/organising or does he have the skills for independent study?

I don't agree totally with January AS's (I have 19 and 16 year old boys, work in a secondary school with regards to exams and am a Governor so a fair bit of experience). They have done one term of a course, sometimes in a new environment, often new subjects and very different skills may be required t GCSEs - is it a wonder some flounder?

What your DS needs now is a bit of support, time to lick his wounds and then to know that there are lots of options open to him. There are resists, dropping a subject (how many is he doing), redoing the year, changing course for Setember, apprenticeships, work etc.

Teenagers grunt a lot and when backed into a corner and poked they strop or hit out.

Take heart in the fact that things could be a whole lot worse and get support from the school, connections, lots of websites etc. Good luck

He had a mixed bag of results at gcse. He got A's in science which he sat at just 14 then A's again in additional science B in maths and the rest were C and:cool: D's we have had a good chat tonight and he is determind to resit. I will be contacting the college tommorow to see what we can do as parents.

meritaten

silvermist05 wrote: »

He had a mixed bag of results at gcse. He got A's in science which he sat at just 14 then A's again in additional science B in maths and the rest were C and:cool: D's we have had a good chat tonight and he is determind to resit. I will be contacting the college tommorow to see what we can do as parents.

could be a case of overconfidence then! my cousin was one of those to whom everything came easy. so by the time he sat A Levels he did very little work and assumed that he would pass with A* - what a shock when he actually failed one and two of his other grades barely passed. good thing really, as he got his head down and worked hard at uni!

Amanda65

Does he have any idea what he might like to do post A-level (if he continues with them). Having something to aim towards, be it uni or a job or a course, might just give him some impetus if he is working for a goal rather than just a grade.

I think AS's are dreadful exams. Back in the day, 6th form was when you spent the first year finding out who you were (or might like to become), learning to drive, falling in love and generally having a bit of a foot off the pedal time post two years of O-levels. Now they go straight back into exam pressure, often in new surroundings with new teachers, new friends and new subjects - and are expected to perform in January!

OP give you son a hug, tell him he needs to buck up his ideas and really knuckle down - or find a job. Maybe, just maybe, this is the kick up the backside he needed and with the ability to re-sit in June, all is not lost. The only thing I would advise though is if you and your OH are both out of the house early til late, you will need to formulate a plan on how you are going to support and encourage your son. From experience, teenagers (especially at exam times) are more needy than the most demanding toddler and need your time.

Treevo

Joons wrote: »

Some 16 year old boys might be able to look after themselves, my experience is they can't, don't want to and are still very child like. They can certainly apply themselves to school or college but I'm talking about expecting a 16 year old to be booted out the house during the day, to do what exactly, I don't know!

Obviously it depends on how they were raised/dragged up.

Treevo

bitemebankers wrote: »

Complete rubbish, and a depressingly English attitude at that.

The reality is, most people have strong ties to their immediate family and friends until they're in their 20s. The UK is one of the few countries where we expect teenagers to grow up far too quickly, in all sorts of ways. The upshot is, our teenagers have the worst mental health of any in the developed world.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like this lad has been something of an outcast at school, and has probably had a completely miserable time for the last few years. Now, things are finally looking up socially and he's trying to make the best of that, at the expense of work. The fact that he got into college in the first place suggests he's not inherently lazy, and just needs pointing in the right direction. Certainly not the kind of aggressive nonsense posted upthread.

I'm not surprised - there's always an amateur social worker around with a handy excuse for every little failure.

It's amazing humanity managed to survive so long when we're all apparently so weak and feeble that we need two decades to be able to grow up and accept responsibility for our own lives.

Anselm

meritaten wrote: »

A levels are not the be-all and end-all

This, times one hundred million. Colleges, well mine atleast, liked to make out that if you didn't do well in A-levels, then you were doomed to work in a menial job for the rest of your life.

There are plenty of things to do otherwise, such as vocational NVQ's (Level 5 or higher would be best I think), or apprenticeship's (http://www.apprenticeships.org.uk/) and of course there is job hunting.

I think it's normal to go through an apathetic stage with college - I know I went through one anyway! (I went from a B in AS-level RE to a U in A-level RE, bringing the grade to a D, for example)

In my opinion, I think you should try and sit down with him, to see what his ambitions or interests are and where he sees himself in a few years and that way you'll be able to focus your time productively - how is throwing him out on to the streets going to make him any less apathetic?



Edit: Looking at the comments above, I saw that he was determined to re-sit.
Let me say, whilst my decision to resit was ultimately successful because I got better grades than I was originally on (and a change of subject helped), it was the most boring, life sapping thing I've ever done. I had the best intentions in the world; "I'll revise/do my coursework/work harder etc." Did I? Truthfully, no, I was back to my old ways. If his grades are not disastrous at AS level, I would seriously ask him to consider his decision carefully, because repeating can become mind-numbing.

Dunroamin

meritaten wrote: »

could be a case of overconfidence then! my cousin was one of those to whom everything came easy. so by the time he sat A Levels he did very little work and assumed that he would pass with A* - what a shock when he actually failed one and two of his other grades barely passed. good thing really, as he got his head down and worked hard at uni!

I doubt that it's overconfidence given the son's pretty average results at GCSE.