How does church work?

jackomdj

I am not religious in the traditional CofE sense, but we sometimes attend the local church to do with Brownie parade. Our house is next to the local vicarage (it was empty when we moved in and the two female vicars moved in when we had been here a couple of months). We are made to feel welcome at church and the children love seeing the vicars in the street, chatting to them and sometimes helping them garden. We are never made to feel uncomfortable about not going regularly and they have even said they will bring dd home if she goes to brownie parade but we don't stay.

Wherever you go you will be made welcome.

I do feel my children can make up their own minds about religion as they grow up, we talk about various beliefs and they already know how different people believe about different gods etc.

barbarawright

Not sure if it's been mentioned but the Ship of Fools will give you a good idea of how welcoming an individual church is likely to be to a newcomer - read their Mystery Worshipper reviews. Most seem to go out of their way to be friendly but some services are clearly more geared towards children than others.

seven-day-weekend

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

I've never been to church before except on school trips and religion was laughed at in my household. I've moved out of that environment now and I have a toddler. I'm actually quite curious about going; I like the community, the structure and I'd really like my son to grow up with some sort of 'backing', if you know what I mean?

My mother raised my without any religion to give me complete freedom to choose if I wished; but to be honest, I think it was because she didn't believe in any of it and no choice was ever encouraged. I'd like to explore, see if there's a place for us and maybe be a part of a church.

How do you manage single parenthood in church? What about my son making noise? Am I even allowed, as a single mum? What about a pushchair? I'm really on my own but I'm really quite scared. I was laughed at for wanting to pray when I was younger, for my pets dying and my grandad dying. I don't want my son feeling that.

I'm not sure what faith. I don't know the dress code- dark jeans ok? I don't even know the hymns! Please can anyone help? And please don't mock my novice approach!

You would be very welcome in our church. One member of the leadership team is a single mother so that certainly would not be a problem. We have all ages and several different ethnic groups. You could wear what you like as long as it covered up your 'bits'. There are plenty of activities for children of all ages during the service or you could keep him with you if you preferred that.

I suggest that if you know nothing about Christianity, that you try an Alpha course , you will normally find them advertised at the churches that do them. These are free and you get refreshments, you are of course not obligated to attend either the course or the church if you don't like it.

http://www.alpha.org/

As to denomination, try a few and see which one you feel at home in. All mainstream denominations agree on the basics of doctrine , although may differ in the peripherals and the way they worship.

Some ministers wear robes, some don't. In the church I attend there is no way of picking out the leadership team from anyone else by the way they dress. The only people who are 'marked' in any way are the Welcome Team who wear name badges (so that a newcomer can feel they can approach them) and the Ministry Team who just have a badge saying Ministry Team( in case anyone wants to pray about something that is bothering them or discuss a problem). My husband and myself are both on the Welcome Team and welcome regulars and newcomers at our meetings, help them find a seat, show them where the toilets are etc.

I was brought up in a situation similar to yourself, so know what it is like. I became a Christian when I was thirty, due to making friends with a Christian lady (we are still friends over thirty years later). My son was only a baby, too. Please feel free to pm me if you think I can help.

Torry_Quine

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

And FWIW, some of the most hardline people I've known on such subjects have been CofE.

There was one on Radio 4 the other day, 15 minute slot about 9.30 am. Thoroughly enjoyed listening to him, profoundly disagreed with him.

OP, to get back on topic, if you can find a Messy Church that would probably be a very good introduction for you and your child.

Thanks for that. I've never heard of messy church.

Xaniwoop

Messy Church is awesome - not just saying that because I run one honest!

Great opportunity for fellowship, especially between age groups. Chance to exercise creativity and celebrate our creator God. Relaxed worship that's accessible to everyone. A home cooked meal at the end.

What other kind of church has painting, gardening, cooking, chocolate and lots of glitter all at once?

wiggywoo9

Thank you all, I have had a look around the area today, the closest church, a Catholic one, was closed and looked very unwelcoming. The school attached to the back of it was equally dismissive. I did find a church, CofE one, not too far away that has a community centre next to it and I think it does Messy Church but not entirely sure. I think I'll call up and see how that goes. I just don't want to be on my own, struggling to keep my 22-month old tot quiet and still, then having to do a walk of shame and leave!
I won't go this Sunday, as we scored free cinema tickets courtesy of this site for The Croods and my son has never to the cinema before so that's the plan for then. I'd like to go to an informal chat or play session if there are any, before the big Sunday entrance lol Here's hoping it goes well, and if it does, my family don't disown me!

Torry_Quine

wiggywoo9 wrote: »

Thank you all, I have had a look around the area today, the closest church, a Catholic one, was closed and looked very unwelcoming. The school attached to the back of it was equally dismissive. I did find a church, CofE one, not too far away that has a community centre next to it and I think it does Messy Church but not entirely sure. I think I'll call up and see how that goes. I just don't want to be on my own, struggling to keep my 22-month old tot quiet and still, then having to do a walk of shame and leave!
I won't go this Sunday, as we scored free cinema tickets courtesy of this site for The Croods and my son has never to the cinema before so that's the plan for then. I'd like to go to an informal chat or play session if there are any, before the big Sunday entrance lol Here's hoping it goes well, and if it does, my family don't disown me!

That sounds like a plan. Hope you enjoy the film.

seven-day-weekend

Hope you enjoy the film and the church. If you don't like that one, don't give up, try another. Let us know how you get on!

Just thought, a Play-and-Stay session might be a good introduction, a parents and toddlers group, see if the church does those.

Lavendyr

OP - really hope that you find a church that suits you. I was brought up atheist and only converted to Christianity as an adult, through attending an Alpha course. I found it so hard to find a church I liked going to. A lot of people seem to think that churches should be full of people who are perfectly good and kind and wonderful. In fact churches are full of normal people (OK, and a few odd fish too, but let's face it, most communities have 'em!) who get things wrong, make mistakes, say the wrong thing at the wrong time, think bad thoughts and can and do screw up. It took me an awfully long time to realise this and to come to terms with it.

The point about Christians and the foundation of Christianity is not that people who are Christians believe they are perfect. It's that they acknowledge that they get a lot of things wrong and that they hope God will help them to try harder to get things right.

I hope that, among the odd fish, you also meet loving, warm people who want to get to know you and your child and bring you into their community. There is a huge amount that goes on in most churches for children and mums. At my church there are lots of single parents and they are actively involved in the community and get lots out of it - as do their children. Regardless of belief, church is a good community, especially for kids, and having been deprived of that community myself as a child, I wish I had had the opportunity to at least explore and understand what faith was about at a younger age. Instead I was poisoned by the views of my family (you can be 'brainwashed' into atheism as easily as you can be brainwashed into theism) and only came to make an informed decision much later in life.

Wish you all the best and hope you find a church that suits you where you feel welcome and comfortable.

inkie

OP - Imreally hope that you are able to find a church where you feel comfortable. messybChurch will be a great way in. I am a minister and we run a seasonal messy church on a Sunday morning, linking in with all the major Christian festivals. Our next one is on Palm Sunday, where we are going to do a whistle-stop tour through the Easter story - we use puppets at our church too. I'd give the minister a call, have a chat with them and see where you go from there.