How does church work?

fluffnutter

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Or a woman in a frock. Our vicar is a lady, as was her predecessor.

True, true. And thank you for calling me on it. I did say 'he or she' later in my post but I guess I was too tempted by the juxtaposition of 'bloke' and 'frock' to mention that women can, and indeed do, give sermons too.

sillygoose

fluffnutter wrote: »

OP, try your local CofE church. I'll probably upset a few people, but stay away from anything non-conformist for the moment, e.g. things that style themselves as family churches and meet at the local school hall on sunday mornings. Stay away from spiritualist churches and the Baptists. This is where you find the more fundamental, bigoted bollox like all gay people should be hanged and the earth's only 4000 years old and Darwin was a heathen and all that.

I agree and disagree! yes I would avoid independents and other denominations, whilst I am comfortable anywhere after 30 years faith other may find it too different. The C of E partly exists to create a common standard across its 'outlets' and whilst churches still vary vastly there should be no odd beliefs or practices in them.

As a single parent I would advise the op to look for a C of E that meets in a school hall, they are usually satellites of a 'typical, spires and bells' church but with a focus on family friendly and being as accessible and relaxed as possible. They will often be tightly integrated with the 'main' church.

System

I was fortunate enough to fit into the right church immediately but you may need to look around to see what suits you and your son.

Take advantage of any outreach evenings, Mother and Toddler Groups based at church and you will get a feel of the place. Ask questions and explore the doctrine.

As for what faith to believe in. Well thats down to you. Personally when i was exploring my faith i'd got this gut instinct as to what was right. I was quite fortunate that i didnt have to look for a church, it in fact, came to me.

I stopped going about 10 years ago. It became a major battle between church and my husband. I believe i'd got the right church, got the right faith but what was being asked of me by both meant that i needed to be some sort of Superwoman.

I gave up.

mumlady1

Hi there
As suki1964 said, go along to see the minister/priest/rabbi or whatever first. You should be able to get a feel from them whether you will enjoy their Sunday worship service. You might have to visit a few churches and sit in on a few services before you find the one that 'fits' you
It is worth it though, I would much rather go through life with God than without.
Don't worry about a dress code, I rock up to church in my jeans often. I think an older, more traditional congregation dress up for church but God knows how frantic my life is and I'm sure he's just happy I'm there on a Sunday, lol
Just go & I hope you find what you're looking for

Xaniwoop

I agree with the previous posters who say that children, pushchairs and single parenthood are unlikely to bother your average church but If you want an easy way in I'd advise trying a Messy Church. They are services run by all sorts of churches but many are CofE if that feels 'safer' to you.

Basically it's church for families who don't 'do' church . Its not usually a Sunday morning (often afterschool but not always), the only dress code is wear something you don't mind getting messy and children being involved is central. We explore a Bible theme through crafts and activities, then have a short story/song session and then eat together.

It's a relaxed environment that's perfect for getting to know people and asking questions. You may find that you want to try Sunday Church after this armed with the answers to all your concerns or you may just want to stay in Messy Church or you may want to find somewhere else entirely it's a no pressure thing.

You can usually spot the churches that hold them as they have posters or a banner up outside. Or you can look for your nearest one here: http://www.messychurch.org.uk/mapsearch/location/la1/distance/999/

Hope you find what you are looking for.

Lara44

Another option would be the Unitarian Church, historically a liberal offshoot from the Christian faith. These days all faiths and none are welcome. It is "non creedal" so you don't have to subscribe to a particular set of beliefs to join, but members of congregations tend to be linked by strong ethical beliefs. It is about going forward on your own journey.

Here's a link to a tool to find local congregations.

margaretclare

I picked up on the 'I'm a strong feminist' comment earlier in the thread. If you're looking for a church to attend, in that case, try the 'non-conformist' branches rather than e.g. the Catholic Church. DH and I belong to the Methodist church locally, were married in it 11 years ago (other churches would not marry us) but there are also the Baptists, the Congegationalists, the United Free church, and others. No one will worry at all about what you wear. No longer do people wear 'Sunday best'! As for your toddler, there'll be something maybe called a 'junior church' or some form of provision for the littlies. There may even be a mother-and-toddler group and I'd be very surprised if there isn't something like a monthly coffee-morning or the like.

You don't have to 'know' the hymns. The words may even be projected on to a screen or on the front wall with someone using the laptop or similar, at the back.

There is a lot of our history and culture which is passed down, just the simple Bible stories and at one time every child would have at least heard of these e.g. Noah's flood. There's a lot that goes on around special times of the year e.g. Christmas (not red-nosed reindeer!) and Easter which is coming up in a couple of weeks. A lot for a child to enjoy.

Robin_TBW

Just go to a local comic book store. Their fictional stories are a lot more recent and have pictures that will keep your son a lot more interested than the bible would.

erichamster

margaretclare wrote: »

There is a lot of our history and culture which is passed down, just the simple Bible stories and at one time every child would have at least heard of these e.g. Noah's flood. There's a lot that goes on around special times of the year e.g. Christmas (not red-nosed reindeer!) and Easter which is coming up in a couple of weeks. A lot for a child to enjoy.

Oh yes do get in quick OP, you don't want your child to miss the 'enjoyment' of being indoctrinated with a nonsensical story about ritualised torture and execution.
I'd stick to eggs, chicks and rabbits if you want to save your child's sanity!

Seriously, all these so called 'Christian' festivals were merely hijacked from pre-existing celebrations linked to Sun worship and the observance of the changing seasons, there is absolutely no reason to accept the Christian versions as more true or worthwhile than any other myths before or since.

heartbreak_star

I was taken to a Methodist church as a kid by my dad. I went to Sunday school, Brownies and later Guides.

Mum was CoE but made sure I knew about other faiths as well.

I'm now a staunch and occasionally militant atheist. Mum's a spiritualist. I don't think it'll hurt a kid too badly to go to church - I don't think I ever really believed in a god even as a child - but it's not something I would do to my own kids.

OP, do you really want a church...or somewhere to socialise? SureStart centres might be good if it's the latter.

HBS x