Feeling very frustrated (rant)

aileth

OH has said today he wants to change his job again. In the 4 years we've been together, he has changed jobs three times. Every now and again he will say how much he hates his job, and yet when he comes home from work he won't stop talking about what he did that day at work very enthusiastically, which really drains any sympathy or understanding I have when he says he hates it.

He is 30 this year and hasn't decided on his career. We've shelled out thousands on courses for him to do when there's a new flavour of the month, and in fact have one unfinished sat in the spare room that costs about two grand. He looks online for more in the same subject and when I enquire about the one sat unfinished, his response is that, "I didn't think I could still do it", and when I ask if he has talked to the company he says no, and then stops looking.

Last month he was looking at courses in a totally different subject, but that lasted about a week and there's been nothing since.

I always get incredibly nervous when he starts saying he's looking for other jobs, as he's been really lucky so far to get so many considering the climate and to have been in jobs where the company hasn't fallen apart and he's been made redundant, but I feel if he keeps hopping around jobs he will soon find one that does and then we'll be stuck.

I'm the breadwinner in the family and I know he feels a bit 'hard done to' that a woman is making more than him. Part of me thinks him saying he hates the job and wants to find another is so he can find one that beats me in salary, but surely sticking in a company with promotion prospects is the best way to go about this, rather than hopping between jobs? He doesn't have any sound qualifications so to speak apart from practical experience.

Sorry for the rant but I have enough to worry enough at the moment (he knows this) and with this ontop it's really running me into the ground!

pigpen

Does it matter really? so long as he finds a new job before leaving the old one I don't see an issue.

My sister does this too.

aileth

Well, that's what I tell myself, but each time he talks about a new job, it ensues spending money that we can't really afford on courses he'll never finish, and I'm worried that he will never settle anywhere as it seems every year he has a new calling.

pigpen

He might not.. my dad is 60 and never worked anywhere for more than a year

Mojisola

aileth wrote: »

He is 30 this year and hasn't decided on his career. We've shelled out thousands on courses for him to do when there's a new flavour of the month, and in fact have one unfinished sat in the spare room that costs about two grand.

Last month he was looking at courses in a totally different subject, but that lasted about a week and there's been nothing since.

If this isn't a major character flaw - and some people do drift through their lives going from job to job because they find it easier to move on than knuckle down and work hard - would he go to some career counselling?

I wouldn't want to spend more money on courses as he is at the moment. If he talks about another course, suggest you both start saving the money each month until you have enough for it. If a bit of delayed gratification puts him off the course, it's best to know before the money gets wasted.

conradmum

aileth wrote: »

Well, that's what I tell myself, but each time he talks about a new job, it ensues spending money that we can't really afford on courses he'll never finish, and I'm worried that he will never settle anywhere as it seems every year he has a new calling.

What does he say when you tell him this?

aileth

pigpen wrote: »

He might not.. my dad is 60 and never worked anywhere for more than a year

Could be, my dad was very much a career bird, as are his parents.

One thing I don't understand is how emphatically he talks about his job, but then the next day he 'hates' it, and then the day after that he's talking emphatically again. He has talked to his dad every now and again about how he dislikes his job, so his dad has gone to some really extraordinary lengths to find other jobs for him, which he doesn't even look at so his dad has just stopped sending him them.

aileth

conradmum wrote: »

What does he say when you tell him this?

"It'll pay off in the end, the salaries are £XXX", etc.

suki1001

I can sympathise with your oh, having not discovered what I wanted to do until I was 36. I got bored and felt a bit lacking in qualifications. I never had problems finding a job, I just got bored.

I've now finally found something that has a future and keeps me interested and I plan to stick at it.

I think you have to be careful with the idea that he's doing this to earn more money than you. If he's been a flunker at things, it's probably more to do with the expectations he has on himself. He wants to do well and find something - he just doesn't know what - there's nothing worse.

Mojisola

aileth wrote: »

"It'll pay off in the end, the salaries are £XXX", etc.

And when you say - that's what you said about the previous three (or more) courses we paid out for?

aileth

Mojisola wrote: »

And when you say - that's what you said about the previous three (or more) courses we paid out for?

Well, the last one I can remember, the responses were, "Last one seemed too easy so I thought it wouldn't be a proper qualification", or about how he decided it's not what he wanted to do.

The problem is I have a feeling the one time I might put my foot down on a course, or if he applies for a job with a severe paycut because it's his calling, might be the one sector or subject that he really takes to and wants to pursue, so stuck between a rock and a hard place.