Unbalanced relationship...

Mr_Toad

poet123 wrote: »

Yes, thank you, I have read the post, and what it conveyed to me was that he might be doing chores, but feels that he shouldn't really be doing them as he is "off". He feels that despite his OH being at work every day she should also do chores because this is his "down time". My point was that he has ample time for that and to do the chores whilst she is at work.

I don't agree with your interpretation, is that ok with you?

Absolutely fine but it seems from the OPs last post that my interpretation was pretty close.

It's interesting how people can read the same information and come to such wildly different conclusions.

poet123

Mr_Toad wrote: »

Absolutely fine but it seems from the OPs last post that my interpretation was pretty close.

It's interesting how people can read the same information and come to such wildly different conclusions.

Close to how they want to see it or close to the reality? Who knows. I am not too sure how male friendly the "pat on the head" thank you syndrome really is.;)

Dunroamin

lostinrates wrote: »

Even staying in luxurious hotels, while hardly a hardship, isn't with out some 'chores' which on long hours and in strange places can be fun or draining or both at the same time, depending on the place and person.

Can you give some examples of these "chores", apart from rinsing out underwear?

Counting_Pennies_2

What happens to the household chores for him when he is away?

Is he expected to cook and clean on the rigs or does someone get paid to do it for him?

If someone cleans and irons etc, perhaps get someone in to do them at home, so you even up the jobs.

As you cook for yourself the 6 months of the year he is away, if he has his meals cooked for him there, then really you are both doing about the same amount if you do 50% of the time he is at home with you.

Really instead of seeing it as his down time, I would be looking at it as a great time to get hobbies and jobs in the house achieved. Fantastic opportunity that lots of others dont get.

lostinrates

Dunroamin wrote: »

Can you give some examples of these "chores", apart from rinsing out underwear?

Sure, if you like.

doing all the things you don't want to pay a hotel premium for,..shoe cleaning, finding dry cleaners for suits (dh does own shirts and hand washing and uses hotel irons too. Laundry is a bit of an ongoing faff using a hotel sink for four weeks, and usually dh opts for a residence/ serviced apartment if there is that alternative. These usually have a regular cleaning service, but the day to day cleaning still needs doing...and food shopping, cooking and cleaning up. The main bonus is you get a washing machine. He is less fussed about gym stuff (life doesn't stop for things like that either when you work away) though I think it's far better to have them washed) but his office shirts and a few casual shirts and an evening shirt or two have to be done. I don't mind hand washing, but I do consider hand washing a shirt, pants, socks and gym wear (and maybe a change of t shirt or shirt if work has not gone on too long) to be 'nothing'. Where as chucking it into washing and then separating for the machine I do consider 'not much'.

Finding places to buy necessities....(in new cities all the time it's a little more arduous than on normal routine where you know the place you prefer things from, and what brands you like. Even things like finding a barber or hairdresser if you are in a new city all the time take a little longer.

It's great fun to explore shops and foods in different places, unless you are working long days and feel zombiefied. Just eating the hotel food is ok (it's paid for by work) but most people want a little control in their diets. The main thing dh buys is fruit and raw veg to keep in the room fridge. He also gets sent on shopping trips by me, depending where he is, which always involve trips to the post office.


It's very easy to forget that on longer work trips life goes on and all the mess one makes at home also gets made in a hotel room or serviced apartment, whether they are serviced or not....surely no one leaves all their muck for the people who come in to clean twice a week or whatever?


Fwiw, my husband does as loads in the house, works like a trooper here and and work, but I am appreciative of it, because I can see its not nothing when he is away, and yes, because of OUR particular set up most of the housework here is my remit, though that's not from a surrenders wife stance, just from how it works for us in our particular living arrangement. (I think if he had four weeks off after every four weeks working though he would be doing lots more too....

Dunroamin

lostinrates wrote: »

Sure, if you like.

doing all the things you don't want to pay a hotel premium for,..shoe cleaning, finding dry cleaners for suits (dh does own shirts and hand washing and uses hotel irons too. Laundry is a bit of an ongoing faff using a hotel sink for four weeks, and usually dh opts for a residence/ serviced apartment if there is that alternative. These usually have a regular cleaning service, but the day to day cleaning still needs doing...and food shopping, cooking and cleaning up. The main bonus is you get a washing machine. He is less fussed about gym stuff (life doesn't stop for things like that either when you work away) though I think it's far better to have them washed) but his office shirts and a few casual shirts and an evening shirt or two have to be done. I don't mind hand washing, but I do consider hand washing a shirt, pants, socks and gym wear (and maybe a change of t shirt or shirt if work has not gone on too long) to be 'nothing'. Where as chucking it into washing and then separating for the machine I do consider 'not much'.

Finding places to buy necessities....(in new cities all the time it's a little more arduous than on normal routine where you know the place you prefer things from, and what brands you like. Even things like finding a barber or hairdresser if you are in a new city all the time take a little longer.

It's great fun to explore shops and foods in different places, unless you are working long days and feel zombiefied. Just eating the hotel food is ok (it's paid for by work) but most people want a little control in their diets. The main thing dh buys is fruit and raw veg to keep in the room fridge. He also gets sent on shopping trips by me, depending where he is, which always involve trips to the post office.


It's very easy to forget that on longer work trips life goes on and all the mess one makes at home also gets made in a hotel room or serviced apartment, whether they are serviced or not....surely no one leaves all their muck for the people who come in to clean twice a week or whatever?

When my ex had to spend time in hotels when working he ate there and used their laundry service. Also, any hotel I've ever stayed in has cleaned the room every day, even at a budget level, you'd pretty soon walk out of any hotel that only cleaned the room twice a week!

The joy of staying in even just a business class hotel is that there's nothing to do and that you only need to go out shopping if you want to. Why anyone who was working 4 weeks on 4 weeks off would need to find a barber in a strange town defeats me.

poet123

My husband travels a lot, and if he is away for any length of time he uses the hotel services. There are few real "chores" that have to be done if staying a hotel/onboard ship. Most needs are catered for and paid for by the employer.

I don't think that exploring a new city counts as a chore and if you need something specific you need only ask the Concierge who will point you in the right direction. That said, working away and travelling for leisure are very different and hotel living is boring and lonely for extended periods.

Mr_Toad

poet123 wrote: »

My husband travels a lot, and if he is away for any length of time he uses the hotel services. There are few real "chores" that have to be done if staying a hotel/onboard ship. Most needs are catered for and paid for by the employer.

I don't think that exploring a new city counts as a chore and if you need something specific you need only ask the Concierge who will point you in the right direction. That said, working away and travelling for leisure are very different and hotel living is boring and lonely for extended periods.

I agree. I travel as part of my job, not as much as I used to though.

Next week I'm in London for three days, I'll be staying in a very nice hotel and friends are usually envious of the fact. However, the reality is somewhat different if you have a family, especially a young family. For me it's not so bad as I'm single but despite the hotel and location it's not always what people imagine. It's not a holiday where you go tripping off to the theatre, a concert or other attractions. All you tend to see is the office and the hotel.

Hotel food is rich and gets a samey after a while. I rarely eat in the hotel preferring to find a small restaurant or Bistro where I can eat, the company bean counters love this as it's usually much cheaper than the hotel food. While this sounds fantastic you have to remember that I'll be alone whereas at home I have friends I see in the evenings.

What tends to happen is I spend most of the time working or sleeping and getting home is always a relief.

lostinrates

Dunroamin wrote: »

When my ex had to spend time in hotels when working he ate there and used their laundry service. Also, any hotel I've ever stayed in has cleaned the room every day, even at a budget level, you'd pretty soon walk out of any hotel that only cleaned the room twice a week!

The joy of staying in even just a business class hotel is that there's nothing to do and that you only need to go out shopping if you want to. Why anyone who was working 4 weeks on 4 weeks off would need to find a barber in a strange town defeats me.

Dh doesn't often eat there. He hates room service, and prefers to eat a lot of raw fruit and veg, plus eats lunch etc with clients and colleagues....so light things are often the order of the day for supper.

He never takes enough to use the hotel laundry service for stuff like gym stuff (because usually is travelling as light and quickly as possible). One of the reasons he prefers a residence is for the washing machine. He luckily gets to stay in very, very lovely hotels usually.

Of course they clean hotel rooms daily, but you still have to sort them out and leave them tidied and sorted, and do some semblance of care.....I know some people leave anything and everything for staff, but it's truly not our style. Residences, serviced apartments can be done anything from daily to twice weekly, again...you still take care of things your self......dishes, daily cleaning. I am not arguing its like cleaning at home, but I am saying it happens and is a little less relaxed than the same 'incidental' chores at home.

As for the barber, again, perhaps a difference of personal need? Dh after four weeks with no hair cut looks.....not business like!


The other difference in my husbands travel needs is most of them are unscheduled. So he goes in to work and then is told he is needed in 'x' in a few hours. So what he takes fits in carry on luggage...hence turn around of clothes being an issue. Often he has to buy more (work does pay for this). A stunning example of this is was a Thursday just over a year ago where he was in the middle of a file in London and he was told he needed to go to Brussels 'now'. How long for he asked, and was told indefinitely. His rental in London etc all needed to be sorted out at a distance, plus the stress of leaving at a rough time to a difficult work situation.....and then he realised that night unpacking into a residence he had left his shower bag in the cupboard next to his suitcase, from the gym that morning. Perhaps that's an added example of why the rushing around is not that easy.

lostinrates

poet123 wrote: »

My husband travels a lot, and if he is away for any length of time he uses the hotel services. There are few real "chores" that have to be done if staying a hotel/onboard ship. Most needs are catered for and paid for by the employer.

I don't think that exploring a new city counts as a chore and if you need something specific you need only ask the Concierge who will point you in the right direction. That said, working away and travelling for leisure are very different and hotel living is boring and lonely for extended periods.

As I said, it's a pleasure for some...and you would be mad to take a job if it were not akin a degree pleasurable. But finding stuff in a rush before a breakfast meeting or late at night is different to 'exploring a city', sadly. Dh's costs are met by his employer, but not necessarily to his preference.