Parents who worry unnecessarily

j.e.j.

spidereyes wrote: »

First holiday abroad with OH, told my mum we were looking at going to Portugal, she said she didn't want me going there because of !!!!!philes (it was a bit after the maddy mcaann thing) but even still I was 19!

Oh dear. Sadly a lot of people get their world view from reading the Daily Mail and the like, and think that everything/everyone out there is dangerous!

I live in a city and it wouldn't be the first time Ive found myself walking home on my own after a night out at 4am Anyway my folks live in a sleepy little town but if ever Ive popped back and decided to go to the pub to meet some friends my mums demanded that Im home by 11pm because she doesn't want 'anything to happen'. Bearing in mind its the kind of place that

if a cow moos it makes the front page of the news.

LOL after about 13 years of living in cities I would so love to live in a place like that! Mind you, I wouldn't recommend walking home by yourself at 4am, tbh, though hands up I have done it myself before, back in my youth

So Im just wondering apart from just not telling my mum anything which will cause her to worry, how others deal with situations like this as there seems to be no real way of convincing my mum I'm a grown up and can look after myself!

Aw, it probably is well-intentioned. But I must say someone constantly interfering and sitting there imagining everything under the sun would drive me absolutely nuts, to the point where I'd be distancing myself from her. There are a lot of women like this (are there men like it, too, or is it a female thing?). My first thought OP is, are you by any chance an only child? It comes across like your mum needs to find more ways of occupying herself so that she's not regularly putting her anxieties onto you.

ibizafan_2

I turned sixty two weeks ago, and my Mum still wants me to ring her when I get home from visiting them just so she knows that I got home safely! Also, going abroad on my own always sends them into a panic. I remember taking myself off to Gambia on my fiftieth birthday as I didn't have a partner at the time, and I wanted some sun and somewhere "different". You would have thought that I was going to the back of beyond, by the serious talk I got from my father about how worried they were, bless 'em!!

Mr_Toad

Hmm I feel for you.

My mum has got like that so I tell her only what she needs to know.

I think that the problem is as they get older their world shrinks and they have time on their hands to over analyze stuff and for some reason they concentrate on the negative.

My father ran his own civil engineering company and my mother was financial director. I had a privileged childhood and my parents were extremely cosmopolitan.

Fast forward to Dad's retirement. They were so busy enjoying life and their friends that everything was normal.

By the time they reached 80 most of their friends had died and their social life was shrinking. At this point Mum started to worry a bit but it was bearable.

At 85 dad is in a care home, he has dementia, and Mum is alone at home. She now has little to do other than worry about the smallest, inconsequential stuff that she wouldn't have given a second thought to a couple of years ago.

She isn't lonely, my son visits every day to check on her, I visit several times a week, I've just got back from spending my lunch break with her, and my ex visits at least twice a week.

I think she has so little to occupy herself with that she worries about the most improbable things.

Take today for instance. She was worried I'd catch my death because I'm not wearing a vest.

"Mother, I'm 55 years old and haven't worn a vest since I was a small boy I am not about to die!"

myonlysunshine

I can really really relate to these posts!

My mum was a bit of fusser bless her (she died not too long ago) but my MIL is far worse..my husband has just had an overnight trip a few hours away with work and shes mithering me to let her that he has got there safely! Hes nearly bl**dy 40 it drives me mad, so i dont pander to her as she gets worse! i do care that she cares though i just think those apron strings are a bit tatty now and need cutting off now!!! (O.C.S-Only Child Syndrome):rotfl:

ifstar

whitewing wrote: »

It worries me slightly when you say you walk home by yourself at 4am, and I don't know you!

I would agree with this. If you are sober then you will have more of your wits about you should something happen, but doing this after a night out drinking is a no-no for me. There are people who do go about and prey on other that they can take advantage of, it doesn't happen all the time but it does happen.

Another thing that is worrying is people walking home at that sort of time with headphones in and music blasting away, totally oblivious to anything go on around them.

The chances are that nothing will happen to you, but it is just putting yourself in a situation where something could happen.

Threebabes

You have described me in a couple of years too, must apologise to my kids in advance ;-).

marisco_2

My mother was a bit like yours. She liked to make mountains out of molehills. Some just dont know how to let go and accept that their children are grown up and can stand on their own two feet.

So all you have to do is stop telling her every little thing. Dont show her a phone that is held together with tape or mention to her that you feel unwell. If she sees and hears positive things she has nothing to worry about or interfere in. Take control of what she becomes privvy to and problem is solved

Bella73

Hun go with it, I'd swop with you do have a Mother who gave a toss don't even speak to mine if I can avoid it, has been five years now and the best of my life so far

kitrat

spidereyes wrote: »

there seems to be no real way of convincing my mum I'm a grown up and can look after myself!

Unfortunately I think this is how it will always be! My Mum is similar. Sadly it just means I don't bother telling her when I go away for the day, I'll only tell her in retrospect if possible.

I live in a small, compact city a log way from my parents. When I got a job a couple of years ago (age 22) which is in the town center, ten minutes from my home, they wanted my boyfriend to come and walk me home every day. Every day! The ten minute walk at 6pm in a busy town center and they think I need to be accompanied! It's just ridiculous, he has his own things to do and I'm not a child.

*Let's try to keep things light hearted! We all have a vent sometimes about our situations, let's face it we're all in a lot better positions than half the people on this planet but we should still be able to have a vent sometimes without being taken on a guilt-trip!

cte1111

My MIL is a terrible worrier. My husband just says yes Mum when she is fretting about something. then completely forgets about it. I initially thought this was a bit deceitful of him, but it works for them. I try not to hear those conversations any more.

I also think that we shouldn't tell her about any ill health, as she particularly worries about this but my husband tells her anyhow. He says that she wants to know so it's best to tell her. I've given up thinking I can do anything to change the situation and just try to accept my MIL as she is. We live far enough away for her not to be able to intrusive, although she has tried to get my Mum to interfere in the past! My Mum was a bit perplexed I think as she's not tried to tell me what to do since I was about 13 (all strong willed in our family).