Parents who worry unnecessarily

CupOfChai

My mum's a bit of a worrier, bless her. The thing is, when I'm staying at hers she worries about whether I've got back ok if I've been out, have I got this, have I done that, but I live quite far away from her. It is nice she obviously cares, but I don't know how she thinks I manage on my own when I'm away at my place!

z.n

My grandmother used to worry and if I had a cold or similar she would ring every day to make sure I was ok and without fail told me she loved me. When I was young and had the arrogance of youth I used to find it a bit annoying.

When I was a bit older I tolerated it because it seemed very sweet and, well, she was getting old. I would worry a bit about her but still life was all about me.

Older still and I realised the enormous depth of love and goodwill that prompted my Grandmother to ensure she made time to phone me, to keep on phoning even when i didn't reply (over the years) and to make it an absolute priority in her day to make sure I knew I was loved.

It just took me a bit of time to work out how to handle my end of the relationship as I grew from child to adult. So I would say, unless your Mum is making a drama to make it all about herself, be very grateful indeed to have such a loving parent (and see the funny side!)

whitewing

It worries me slightly when you say you walk home by yourself at 4am, and I don't know you!

Oh dear, I have all this to come with my DS and DD. I am sure there is a happy compromise somewhere, your mum does sound a little ott.

Dreaming_always

I think its lovely that she worries so much, I'd rather her be worrying than not at all, my mum still worries a lot with me and I am a mother myself now.

Girlzmum

Oh I am a born worrier and I can honestly say I will stress out over everything when my girls get older. However I will do my very best to contain it, my girls are incredibly confident and independant and I would hate to see them lose that.

Your comments about Portugal reminded my of my brothers MIL, he met his now wife in Australia and wanted to bring her home to meet his family so her mother told her that if she went to Belfast she would be raped and murdered and she was not to go! :eek: (She came and all went well, no raping or murdering happened!)

londonsurrey

spidereyes wrote: »

The phone thing for example is a typical example of her worrying about something that didn't matter. She saw my phone one day and asked about what happened about it. Two days later I get a text saying she'll be down at my house later cos she's bought me a new one cos ill get arrested.

What does bug me is that she'll worry about something like that but fails to acknowledge particular issues that do actually matter!

And there you have it. She's found a good excuse to divert her.
I don't know her, but suspect that it's such an ingrained habit reinforced over the decades that she doesn't even know she's doing it.

It's a procrastination thing - for instance the way students coming up to an exam suddenly find it important to deal with the dishes in the sink and spring cleaning (that they've been avoiding all year), in fact anything, rather than settling down for a good hard swot for the upcoming exams.

londonsurrey

Paramour has a nicely worrying mother too - she tells him to bring his shirts back home to be washed and ironed.

He says he's all grown up (owns 3.5 houses) and can do it himself.
She goes on, he dislikes ironing, so takes them to her for ironing.

She starts saying how much work it is.
So he buys a washing machine for the house he's just moved into, and does it himself.

She complains that he doesn't bring his shirts round.
He points out her complaint about the work, and that he's got a washing machine, and can do it himself.

She goes on about how she can do it.
They've now settled into a routine of he washes his shirts, takes them to her for ironing most of the time (he does some), and she fluctuates between complaining gently about too many or not enough shirts. She's a lovely person, just a worrier as a habit.

She just wants to see him and to feel needed by her son.
She's got a perfectly active social life, btw, her husband is still alive, and they go out 50% of the year for all kinds of dinners and lunches, which is more than I manage!

shays_mum

You will always be her little girl & she will always worry about you simples!.

ognum

Firstly be happy that you have a Mum that cares a lot about you.

Then, don't tell her the exact details of everything, don't feed her anxiety.

Tell her the good things in your life and avoid the broken phone etc.

Then forget it all and get on with life, she is who she is and is unlikely to change.

CH27

And be aware that you will morph into her as you get older :rotfl: