Treat them all the same or help the one who needs the most help

Dreaming_always

As a parent what would/ do you do?

You have two+ children, one child is doing exceptionally well for themselves and doesn't need the financial help, all through hard work and determination.

Second child is not doing so well and would appreciate the extra money.

Would you give money to them both or just the second child.

Hypothetical question really, my partner and I have spoke about scenarios like this, he says he would only give money to the second child if they were really desperate obviously the first child would get the same treatment.

Whereas I would give them both money, I'd imagine it would cause a lot of tension between the siblings.

Ladyhawk

Treat them the same... or loan the one that is struggling an amount, including a low rate of interest and expectations on when it needs to be paid back by.

victory

It would depend on a lot of things, if it was for a mortgage crisis because of redundancy and I had the money available yes to second child in a heartbeat, in that case maybe the 1st child would like to help out being affluent and siblings:D

The second child neither needs it or is going without so could share the money/ help:D

No tension needed:D

CH27

I would treat them equally.

meritaten

I have been in this situation - I would say that if a child needs financial help and the other doesn't - then help THAT child! the other one may need the same help a year or two down the road. or help in a different way. over the years the help 'evens out' - but, I would say to the child who doesn't need help now - If you need it - its there!

Dreaming_always

victory - I would certainly hope that my two children would be kind enough to help each other, I'm going to ingrain it into them to always help each other.

victory

Dreaming_always wrote: »

victory - I would certainly hope that my two children would be kind enough to help each other, I'm going to ingrain it into them to always help each other.

Family helps each other, the thing is one child does not need the money, that doesn't stop the love it just means in this instance one family member is flagging and needs monetary assistance, whom ever can help, should:D

Dreaming_always

Meritaten- did your other children ever feel resentment towards the child getting help, I've said this as well to my partner that whatever we do /provide for child number one or how we treated grandchildren, they should all be treated the same and get the same provisions if financially possible of course.

Cooper18

The other side of the "treat them equally" argument is the kid who has done everything right, got a good education, a good job, grown themselves a great family - while her brother has done none of those things. She is the good daughter in every sense of the word, but in their desperation to keep things equal the elderly parents make excuses for the brother. Leaves that daughter questioning what the point of going the extra mile is when her lazy assed brother gets the same recognition for doing damn all.

Totally off on a rant there, but my ex wife (still a close friend) is the daughter in this scenario. Treat them equally when they're kids, but when they're adults they might not be equal. If one constantly needs help and propping up, it can really knock the heart out of the other.

nearlyrich

My children both know I am there for them and overall they are trested equally both are hard working and have made me proud just at different stages in life and may need different help.

daisiegg

I think help the one who needs help and not the others. My sister is doing a much longer university degree than I did, and one for which she can't get a loan for the last few years. So my parents are having to fully support her even though she is in her mid twenties. I, on the other hand, got some help for the the years of my degree and am now working. It would be madness to say they should hand me thousands of pounds just to make it equal.

And, in the long run, my sister will earn a lot more than me so when/if our parents need supporting in their old age she will be in a better position to help them out than I will!