So say you were getting married..

Chakani

It's not like the OP is threatening to hand out dunce's caps at the door and saying "you are all banned from drinking because this person misbehaves when they've had a few"!

She has said that she and her fiancee are non-drinkers, who aren't comfortable in the company of people who are drinking - in which case I see it as perfectly understandable that they wouldn't serve alcohol at their wedding.

One of the most fun weddings I have ever been to was a "dry" wedding - the couple put lots of thought into making it fun, and it was! I would either plan a party at which it was natural not to drink, such as afternoon tea etc, or just not make it an issue, but be aware that you may have to consider that people will be less uninhibited than is usual at a wedding, and plan your day/fun accordingly.

tiny_courageous

megan01 wrote: »

Hi everyone thanks for all the replies! I won't be getting married for a while but, just thinking about it at the moment, and I do have a lot of irish relatives who would be coming over and you can imagine how much they would drink I really like the idea of afternoon tea, would you have a meal afterwards though,and would you have alcohol with that? Would it not be reasonable to not have it then?

The reason I don't want alcohol there is because the last time I had alcohol something bad happened to me, which I don't want to be reminded of and hence why I don't like going out to bars or clubs or anything also...

Not dealing in stereotypes or anything :think: If they're anything like our Irish relatives they're all teetotal so would fit in fine with your plans.
You know your relatives. You're obviously close enough to these people to invite them to your wedding, so why not discuss it with them?

Saint_Chris

We went to a wedding like this last year, both the bride and groom didn't want alchol served, so the bar in the room only served soft drinks, and tea and coffee.

But they did say that if you wanted a alcholic drink then you could go into the bar in the room next door, have a drink and then come back in..............which for me defeats the object, because people will just be running in and out. Or so i thought.

Well this evening reception wasn't like this, come 10.00pm, there were more people sat in the lounge nextdoor, having a laugh and a beer, and one very unhappy bride, in a half full room of people.

At 10.30pm, the dj announced that you could now bring your drinks into the wedding, but it was too late, people had got settled in the lounge.

Nearly all of the people were offended, by the no drink policy, and it did become a bit of a bashing of the bride a couple of times during the night, with comments like. 'who does she think she is telling me i can't have a drink' and 'i don't drink during the week, and i enjoy a drink when out at night'

PS I was one of them sat in the lounge for most of the night.

splishsplash

megan01 wrote: »

Hi everyone thanks for all the replies! I won't be getting married for a while but, just thinking about it at the moment, and I do have a lot of irish relatives who would be coming over and you can imagine how much they would drink Such a sweeping generalization, not to mention racist. Given your obvious problems with your Irish relatives, why on earth are you obligating them to the inconvenience and huge expense of coming to your day? If I was one of your relatives, I'd really prefer you didn't bother, especially as I don't appreciate being micromanaged. I really like the idea of afternoon tea, would you have a meal afterwards though,and would you have alcohol with that? Would it not be reasonable to not have it then?

The reason I don't want alcohol there is because the last time I had alcohol something bad happened to me, which I don't want to be reminded of and hence why I don't like going out to bars or clubs or anything also...

I was wondering why you thought having alcohol around meant the default outcome was drunkeness, but you seem to intimate that is your own experience? If so, then limit the availibilty of alcohol by all means, but please don't blame my fellow countrymen for your choices.

megan01

Person_one wrote: »

Most people are perfectly capable of having a few drinks and still behaving properly.

If I was invited to an alcohol free wedding and the reasoning behind it was that the host didn't like me when I've had a drink, or that I couldn't be trusted to behave properly, then I'd be pretty offended.

If I was invited to a wedding where no alcohol made sense because of the setting, such as a picnic or an afternoon tea, I wouldn't be offended because I would never realise the host thought those things.

So the second one is probably the way to go.

Although I would warn the OP that there's a good chance her relatives will find a way to drink if they really really want to, alcohol is readily available. If she finds it so distressing to be around alcohol consumption maybe counselling or some CBT would be a good idea, as its not something you can avoid forever, not without missing out on a lot of social events anyway.

Yes I am receiving psychodynamic therapy for this, I have been for the past three years. But I am quite happy not drinking, I don't care if I miss out on a lot of social events, because quite frankly I am fed up of everything revolving around alcohol, and would rather do things that don't revolve around alcohol.

Ladyhawk

I really don't see the issue with having a "dry" wedding. Can people not go one evening without a drink? I think that is a very sad reflection on your lives. Yes it may be a little strange and different to start with... But anyone invited to that wedding would know that the couple is tee-total and therefore it shouldn't come as that much of a surprise. I think it is disrespectful of the guests to hurrumph about it.

And yes, I drink regularly.

Torry_Quine

Saint_Chris wrote: »

We went to a wedding like this last year, both the bride and groom didn't want alchol served, so the bar in the room only served soft drinks, and tea and coffee.

But they did say that if you wanted a alcholic drink then you could go into the bar in the room next door, have a drink and then come back in..............which for me defeats the object, because people will just be running in and out. Or so i thought.

Well this evening reception wasn't like this, come 10.00pm, there were more people sat in the lounge nextdoor, having a laugh and a beer, and one very unhappy bride, in a half full room of people.

At 10.30pm, the dj announced that you could now bring your drinks into the wedding, but it was too late, people had got settled in the lounge.

Nearly all of the people were offended, by the no drink policy, and it did become a bit of a bashing of the bride a couple of times during the night, with comments like. 'who does she think she is telling me i can't have a drink' and 'i don't drink during the week, and i enjoy a drink when out at night'

PS I was one of them sat in the lounge for most of the night.

That's really interesting but very different to our wedding. Those who went to the bar had a drink and came back. Most people didn't even bother going to the bar and we certainly didn't have an empty wedding.

No-one complained to us and we hadn't said anything before-hand to the guests.

thorsoak

Saint_Chris wrote: »

We went to a wedding like this last year, both the bride and groom didn't want alchol served, so the bar in the room only served soft drinks, and tea and coffee.

But they did say that if you wanted a alcholic drink then you could go into the bar in the room next door, have a drink and then come back in..............which for me defeats the object, because people will just be running in and out. Or so i thought.

Well this evening reception wasn't like this, come 10.00pm, there were more people sat in the lounge nextdoor, having a laugh and a beer, and one very unhappy bride, in a half full room of people.

At 10.30pm, the dj announced that you could now bring your drinks into the wedding, but it was too late, people had got settled in the lounge.

Nearly all of the people were offended, by the no drink policy, and it did become a bit of a bashing of the bride a couple of times during the night, with comments like. 'who does she think she is telling me i can't have a drink' and 'i don't drink during the week, and i enjoy a drink when out at night'

PS I was one of them sat in the lounge for most of the night.

So if they were offended - why did they accept the invitations? How rude!

NAR

bagpussbear wrote: »

That's true, but the OP seems to be anxious about people getting drunk which she doesn't like, but 1 glass of fizz is not going to get folks drunk is it. For me,that would be a compromise.

No OP states neither of them drink and wants the wedding reception to reflect them. So why should they compromise? Sad reflection on people that they can't survive without alcohol for a few hours.

mintymoneysaver

The friends of mine who had afternoon tea had their evening meal in the same place. As it was a Christian hotel there was no alcohol on sale at all, just non alcoholic wine for the meal. It was a wonderful, relaxed day, just what they, and most of their guests, wanted.