MSE Newborn to 1 year (& beyond!) baby club 2

Candlewax

Thanks so much Nutella! I am feeling very guilty. Guilt that he may have been hungry for the last 7 weeks and guilt that I am going to stop breastfeeding. But you are so right, he needs a happy mummy, not one who is constantly anxious. He is still asleep, 3 hours after his bottle which is unheard of usually so I am convinced this is right for him. Thank you for your response, it is good to know your LO is thriving on formula! I think there is too much "breast is best" pressure put on new mums, which leads to guilt. x

morocha

CW, remember how many times i posted about my miserable crying baby, thinking she had refkux, colic, many visits to the gp, hv, mws, in the end when i decided to give up bf i saw an improvement in her giving her a bottles the whole day. It was the milk, she cried so much all day long cos she was hungry. I wanted to give up bf but fely guilty at the end and seeing how nuch she enjoys it i decided to do both. Shes gaining weight stedily aswel, i enjoy bf again, i give 30ml in the morning, in the afternoon and at night, It may be an option?

morocha

Marta, i found fascinating the fact that babies cry is different in every language, they learn from s young age to cry following the rymthm ? of the mother tongue i heard.When dd was born i was learning english so i kept practising it and felt weird( well like i was being rude cos they could not understand what i was saying) speaking to her in spanish in front of all the english family.
My baby was 4 months old when i took her to Argentina and everyone who heard her cry would say she cried in a different way, in english! lol

fluffnutter

turtlemoose wrote: »

Hoovered today, smelt burning, looked around, notice smoke coming out of the Hoover, eeeeeeek!!!!

Have taken it apart, think ie solved the problem, about 14 tons of stringy bits of carpet and my hair wrapped around and around the bit that spins the belt, haven't had a chance to test it yet as bubba asleep, but fingers crossed cuz we can't afford a new Hoover!!

I've been AWOL, so bit behind, but mothers day - fluff and any others who received nothing, no I don't think you are unreasonable by being put out about it. I actually was expecting nothing but got a card, best mum cup AND a Stephen king book that I didn't even know existed and I'm very excited to read it, excellent present. Also as I was away all last week and got home 4:30pm on mothers day, OH told me that Reuben rang him while I thought he was napping and gave him instructions on what to get me which I thought was really cute

What's the Stephen King?

Peanut2013

Candlewax: I stopped at 4 weeks due to similar reasons plus I could no longer handle the pain. I went through a weekend with mastitis and cried constantly One day I was so ill with mastitis and OH was working I ended up at my mums in bed. I was so out of it that mum have him formula all day and he was ok! He slept that night as normal and I wondered if formula was ok?

The next day I couldn't pump anything due to the mastitis so we used bottles again and he was again ok.

After that weekend OH sat me down and explained that formula was obviously ok and it was nice to have 24 hours where I wasn't crying every time a feed came up, lol.

Giving up I went cold turkey and to be honest after 4 days of agony and leaking EVERYWHERE it was all fine they normally reccomend gradually doing it but I was so sore I just had to stop!

BadlyWrittenPoem

martafdz wrote: »

What's elimination communication, badwrittenpoem?

savageHK wrote: »

Hmmm I'm vaguely interested in this but haven't read anything about it other than I know it exists. How does it work - I take it you either need a special wardrobe; or not be fussed about cleaning up accidents? Now that we're almost 3 months old most poos are predictable (after feeding, held upright, with a specific facial expression) but wees are *not*....

Sorry for the delay in replying - I haven't been on here for a while. There's a useful summary here which also has useful links and is where I started six years ago when I first read about it.

Contrary to popular belief, most people who do it have their baby in nappies as a backup so if they don't take their baby to the toilet in time it doesn't result in massive amounts of mess. I wouldn't say I particularly have special clothes - more that I avoid clothes that make removing the nappy more work (such as vests and babygrows) so I have LO in a dress with a long sleeved T-shirt and add a cardigan if it's cool and just add trousers for going outdoors. When she was smaller she pretty much lived in bundlers (like this: http://www.mothercare.com/Mothercare-Bundlers-%E2%80%93-2-Pack/461513,default,pd.html#q=bundler) and I just added either a long or short sleeved T-shirt on top according to how warm/cool it was.

In terms of knowing when she needs the toilet, we go mainly on a combination of timing and when she seems to communicate a need although it can vary in how successful we are - sometimes we have no misses all day and other times we can have a dozen wet nappies. Poos are definitely easier although DH struggles with this - I think I've only had to clean three dirty nappies since September.

Do ask if you want to know more detail about any particular part and I'm happy to answer.

missbunbury

Candlewax I went through a similar thing at the same time as you with A "not gaining enough weight", if you were to read back about ten weeks on here you'd see I was in bits worrying she was hungry. Now when I look back at 3 months-worth of weights I see that actually she has averaged out fine, I feel so cross that the healthcare professionals got me so frightened over 2 weeks of weights. Whether you're bottle or breast feeding, please don't let figures on a scale and lines on a graph get you in a state, I know "don't worry" is easier said than done but just pay attention to your baby, if baby is happy then you try to relax and get on with whatever type of feeding suits you both. Honestly, I was such a state because they were being all doomy, but now I see that there was never anything to worry about. In my red book it says that after 6 weeks you shouldn't even weigh them more than once a month as constant weighing can cause needless concern. Obviously you know the details of your situation but please don't let yourself get as stressed as I did, just go with whatever feels right and look after yourself cos baby needs you chilled and happy x

martafdz

Sorry long post! Candlewax, I also had to switch from BF to formula because of weight lost. In my case I was not producing enough and she was crying constantly, very unsettled, she would try to feed and start crying after a minute. I was living on two to three hours of interrupted and light sleep and I felt very miserable. When the midwife told me I had to give her formula I burst in tears. I tried to do combination feeding but I was expressing 0.5oz in a few hours nowhere enough, so at the end and reluctantly I had to give it up. I felt very guilty and sad for a couple of months, when I would start crying just thinking about it, but I feel better now. I gave her the colostrum, which everybody has told me is the most important part, and not only she put on weight steadily after that, but she is happier, sleeps better, and I know she's healthy. A bit of an irony, I had complained at antenatal about the heavy breastfeeding campaign because I said it was setting up expectations so high (so great, so easy, so good, so straightforward) that if one could not do it, it would make one feel a failure... Then when I was in that situation I could do nothing but feeling guilty despite being aware of how heavy is the propaganda on that.

I know breastmilk is good, but I think if breastfeeding means an unhappy mummy who is too tired to play, smile or bond; or an unhappy baby who would only cry and exhaust himself/herself to sleep... Well, I think in that situation formula is the right choice. Most of us have been formula fed and we are ok, aren't we? That said, I also agree with what has been said above, do not let them bully you!! If your baby is happy, keep trying if that's what you want. Mine had lost 14% birth weight and I was told I HAD to give her formula here and then, the midwife stayed at home whilst I cried and my DH sterilized and prepared the bottle, and didn't leave until my baby was fed and was sleeping. I was amazed at the sudden difference, it was as if somebody had swapped my baby!!! She kept screaming at the boob and changing from one to another constantly, she would not sleep anywhere but on my lap and she spent most of the time crying in frustration. With that first bottle she gulped it all within minutes, she was doing pleasure noises, she fell asleep after the feed and I could put her in the moses for the first time! I knew then I should do what made my baby happy, but it's difficult to shake off the guilty feeling because we have all been brainwashed with happy ethereal pictures of smiling pampered mums and happy babies breastfeeding and staring gratefully. That, in my world, does not exist... It was more like a zombie with sleep deprivation in pyjamas sipping water, with hair that had not been washed or dried properly for almost a week, tops stained with leaking milk and pale as feta cheese. If my baby were happy, I would gladly have put up with all that, although it got to the point where the lack of sleep was making me unresponsive. My baby would cry and I would dream I was running to help and feed her, or that I had put her down to sleep in the basket or pass her to DH when in reality she was on top of me in the sofa. So no one was happy and the change to formula was the best I could have done for her in that situation. She had been holding meconium for over a week because she had not eaten enough to get rid of it. I felt very sad that she had been starving without me knowing. We are first time parents and everyone said "oooh, newborn, forget about sleeping" so we took it literally and though it was normal for a newborn to cry constantly. We lived in the living room for almost a week, none of us went to bed at all and the longest nap was 40minutes with her on top, when I gave her the bottle and saw the difference I was very annoyed that people had told me that about not sleeping because I took it literally and never thought it was not right or there was something wrong. Look at your baby and look at you, are you happy? What would make you both happier? Can BF support help? Do what is best for you both, a baby will appreciate a happy, cuddly , alert and calm mum; not an anxious, stressed and exhausted one if it can be helped! I think the stress over BF affected my supply, along with some anti inflammatory tablets I was having. When I have my next one, I'll give him/her the colostrum again for sure, but I'll try not to over stress about BF as I expect to have the same issues. Easier said than done, though, it's difficult to avoid the guilt trip!!


My lo has chuckled today for the first time. She smiled a lot, we just had not been able to make her chuckle! My MIL was here today and she made her chuckle for ages, proper giggling and chuckling, I felt so emotional! It was brilliant to see. I recorded it and DH was also amazed when he went back from work, as we do not know what we were doing differently but we had not had that from her before!! Annoyingly, I tried to replicate it when MIL left, but without luck.

I got my breadmaker today but my first attempt was a disaster. A bit heavy and tasted a bit too much of flour and felt as if it needed a few more minutes of baking, but the timing is programmed. I tried the quick setting, I'll try again tomorrow with other setting / loaf.

Elelyn

Just had to say what a great post, martafdz. I had a similar experience to you - not realising that my baby was hungry and thinking that it was normal for him to be crying all the time. When I tried to breast feed he would latch on but he wasn't feeding properly due to a tongue tie therefore he wasn't actually getting enough milk out. Then he'd get so upset that he wouldn't go back on - I took the refusal to latch on to mean that he wasn't hungry and was crying for some other reason but actually he was starving and just in such a state about it that he couldn't latch on. I remember the first night home from hospital - he screamed and screamed for hours during the night. I tried and tried to get him to feed and he just wouldn't. I couldn't get him to stop crying and I was in such a state (still traumatised from having given birth less than 48 hours ago) that I am ashamed to say I ended up putting him in his carrycot and letting himself cry himself to sleep. Oh, the guilt I felt over that one after was incredible. If I'd given him a bottle of formula he would have stopped crying and gone to sleep.

Then we had help from a breast feeding support worker who showed me how to express and feed with a syringe. She told me not to feed him more than 1oz at a time due to the size of his stomach. I took this literally and just fed him his ounce and when he was still crying I was saying "it can't be hunger, as he's had his ounce!" How naive I was and, again, I felt so guilty for starving my baby once I realised.

We eventually had the tongue tie snipped and I did try again to breastfeed but I felt like I was constantly fighting with him to try and get him latched on. Like he just didn't want to do it. By that point we had already given him a bottle and he took to it so well and was so happy that we decided to give up on the BF. Yes, I felt guilty for a long time but ultimately it was the best thing for us.

I understand there are benefits to breastmilk but personally I don't think "breast is best" for everyone. Yes, for some people it's great but it's not for everyone. You should be free to make a choice and not bullied into continuing with something that makes you so unhappy. And there's nothing wrong with formula!

Candlewax

Morocha, Peanut, Misbunburry, Martafdz and Elelyn and everyone else thank you so much for your posts which have made me cry with relief. It helps so much to know I am not the only one who has gone through this and that it will be ok in the end. What you describe is what I am feeling. He is fussy during a feed and not settled after, but I have just given him a bottle after a feed and he took half of it and has gone to sleep looking very happy. That is his second bottle of the day. I am going to gradually increase his bottles and reduce the breastfeeding and hopefully in a week or so my body will stop producing milk. I think far too much pressure is put on us to breastfeed and as many said there is nothing wrong with formula, In my stressed out state I actually got it into my head that formula would harm my baby! Mainly due to the pressure put on me to breastfeed by healthcare professionals. The hv I saw yesterday was really supportive though.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it really has helped me to hear your experiences! x