MSE Newborn to 1 year (& beyond!) baby club 2

Sammie_03

sunshine_1988 wrote: »

With next I find it just depends, we have a 12-18 jumper which is massive but some 12-18 bits which fit fine, I would go with ordering both sizes and seeing what fits best think I will bite the bullet and buy 18-24 bits.

Hey Sammie the house we origionally were going for but the lady had pulled out is back on again! She is moving in with family and agreed to sell again got a buyer for ours so hoping it all goes through. I am very impatient though and want to move now!!
.x

Oh wow that is great news about the house. You must be so pleased.

fluffnutter

Candlewax wrote: »

Hi all, don't post on her much but read the thread lots.
I am really struggling. LO had his first few hours without me with the childminder yesterday. He cried a bit, wouldn't take his bottle, but generally seemed ok. I know he will cry and will take time to settle. I am just really not managing my emotions about this well. I am returning to work 3 day for 3 months then full time. So we are doing this gradually. I am just dreading dropping him off again on Monday, he is only spending a few hours there again but I just hate the thought of it. He looked so confused when i left him last time. I feel so alone, I am not close to my family, don't feel i can burden friends and my husband just doesn't seem to get why I am really finding this hard. I am having horrible dreams about LO being left on his own. This really is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am worried also because weaning isn't going well, he just doesn't seem bothered with food. Also he is in a very good napping routine, but this will go to pot with the childminder as she seems to take them out in the buggy to nap not put him in a cot. I know this isn't the end of the world am I overreacting? This is just so hard. I know it is my issues, she seems like a really good childminder. Just really finding this difficult emotionally.

Oh lovey. It is difficult. Leaving our babies goes against every natural instinct we have, so don't be hard on yourself.

Firstly, the weaning. Don't worry about it at all. Under one year old their main source of nutrition is milk and food is just something for them to get used to, to play with, to enjoy tastes and textures. It's not really important how much they actually eat. I made the mistake (perhaps a lot of us do) in thinking that weaning was quite a quick process; that you get to six months and bang, your baby's on solids. It doesn't work like that in the least - it's a very, very slow process that takes many months, perhaps even years. Now at 13 months Freddie's finally starting to eat well and looking back I had nothing to worry about. But even at 9, 10 months he was eating barely anything. But it doesn't matter. Honestly, your LO will get there in time.

The napping. It's not really that important where they nap, provided they have some sleep in the day. Having said that, it's useful that he naps well in his cot and I understand why you want to keep this going. You might find it makes absolutely no difference to him, and he's able to understand that when he's at home he naps in his cot and when he's with his childminder, he naps when he's out and about. If so, then his home routine will carry on and you can also be confident that he's getting plenty of sleep when he's with his childminder. Alternatively you could talk to her about it. Why does she go out? Does she have other older children that might benefit from the fresh air and exercise so she's combining the two? Your little one naps whilst the other kid/s get out and about? Try talking to her about your concerns - she wants to work with you and make you feel safe and confident. You like and trust her so I think you'll feel better for having a chat about things.

Support. It's difficult for men sometimes because they're used to being away from their babies all day. They perhaps find it difficult to understand just what a physical feeling it can be to be separated from your baby. Hopefully he can at least understand that you're sad, even if he doesn't really get why and be kind to you.

We find our support in all sorts of places. Perhaps we can help you on here? It's difficult when we're separated from family who is often our most natural support network. Have you tried googling other mums in your area? Particularly working mums? Getting together, even if it's only talking over the net, might help you feel a little less bewildered and anxious.

This WILL get better in time, I absolutely promise that. You've been in this little world with your baby and it's a real wrench to have to change that. But it will get easier. Your boy will flourish and you'll take great comfort in how happy and confident he becomes. Talk to your friends and husband. You're not a burden.

lazywife

Well said fluff!
Aw Candlewax, I feel for you.
I'd agree, if you trust the childminder and get on well, I think have a chat if there are things in LO's routine you want to keep. Have you tried spending sometime with childminder and LO and then disappearing after 1 hr, 20 mins, 10 mins, then 5 mins. I know you might not have time to build it up, but little my little he'll understand you do come back and it'll make you feel a little happier. No advice on the weaning, but babies are born to survive, he'll eat when he's interested.
x

savageHK

Candlewax wrote: »

I am really struggling. LO had his first few hours without me with the childminder yesterday. He cried a bit, wouldn't take his bottle, but generally seemed ok. I know he will cry and will take time to settle. I am just really not managing my emotions about this well. I am returning to work 3 day for 3 months then full time. So we are doing this gradually. I am just dreading dropping him off again on Monday, he is only spending a few hours there again but I just hate the thought of it. He looked so confused when i left him last time. I feel so alone, I am not close to my family, don't feel i can burden friends and my husband just doesn't seem to get why I am really finding this hard. I am having horrible dreams about LO being left on his own. This really is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am worried also because weaning isn't going well, he just doesn't seem bothered with food. .

How old is he Candlewax?
I started work mornings only from just before 6 months; we have an au pair. It took a few days for him to settle but tbh I think he was fine when I wasn't there; I remember one day early on I walked in and he was happily playing and turned around and saw me and promptly burst into tears! So you probably only see the bad side. He's now perfectly happy with her or with me really! Still prefers me luckily (he knows what's good for him ) but is fine with her.

katiechoc_2

Candlewax its totally normal to be upset about having to leave your baby. I think every mum would be the same - but if you are happy with your choice of carer then give her a call and ask to sit down with her and have a proper talk about everything, I'm sure she'll have reassured other worried mummies before! If its any help I don't think there are any on this board that didnt start off feeling the same as you but now their LOs love going to nursery or the CM. and the mummies ahave refound the pleasure of a hot cuppa without tiny fingers trying to steal your biscuit!

Sunshine forgot to say congrats on your interview!

Candlewax

Thank you for the advice. He is 7 months old. I am looking forward to the day I can drop him off and know he will have a nice time and I will enjoy work without feeling like a rubbish mummy! Regarding the weaning, you're right I need to remember that at 7 months he is still at the exploring stage. Really do need to chill out. I am getting so wound up and upset it is starting to impact on my marriage. I have been to baby groups on and off but didn't really feel confident enough to commit to them. It just all seemed such an effort, they were all comparing their buggy/child's food intake/high chair brands/husbands, I found it exhausting to be honest. I think I am also feeling guilty because part of me is looking forward to going back to work and getting that part of my identity back. But I am torn because I am so worried about LO. I need to go back to work though, I have gone a bit mad since being off work, to the extent that i almost had an affair about a month ago. Stupid and selfish I know. I think I have just totally lost who I am as a person and now I feel like a rubbish mum too.

fluffnutter

Candlewax wrote: »

Thank you for the advice. He is 7 months old. I am looking forward to the day I can drop him off and know he will have a nice time and I will enjoy work without feeling like a rubbish mummy! Regarding the weaning, you're right I need to remember that at 7 months he is still at the exploring stage. Really do need to chill out. I am getting so wound up and upset it is starting to impact on my marriage. I have been to baby groups on and off but didn't really feel confident enough to commit to them. It just all seemed such an effort, they were all comparing their buggy/child's food intake/high chair brands/husbands, I found it exhausting to be honest. I think I am also feeling guilty because part of me is looking forward to going back to work and getting that part of my identity back. But I am torn because I am so worried about LO. I need to go back to work though, I have gone a bit mad since being off work, to the extent that i almost had an affair about a month ago. Stupid and selfish I know. I think I have just totally lost who I am as a person and now I feel like a rubbish mum too.

The first year of your baby's life.. I think every mother goes a bit mad, tbh.

Baby groups - I know some people swear by them but the day I suddenly realised I don't have to actually do this any more was the most liberating day of Freddie's short life so far. Basically, I can't abide them. So I'm not going again. Problem solved

Nowt wrong with wanting to get back to work. You've had a baby, not relinquished your entire identity in subjugation to someone else. If you're happy then your baby will be happy and if that means you're keen to get back to work then win win, IMO. I reckon you'll start feeling a lot more sane once you're back at work.

katiechoc_2

Candlewax wrote: »

Thank you for the advice. He is 7 months old. I am looking forward to the day I can drop him off and know he will have a nice time and I will enjoy work without feeling like a rubbish mummy! Regarding the weaning, you're right I need to remember that at 7 months he is still at the exploring stage. Really do need to chill out. I am getting so wound up and upset it is starting to impact on my marriage. I have been to baby groups on and off but didn't really feel confident enough to commit to them. It just all seemed such an effort, they were all comparing their buggy/child's food intake/high chair brands/husbands, I found it exhausting to be honest. I think I am also feeling guilty because part of me is looking forward to going back to work and getting that part of my identity back. But I am torn because I am so worried about LO. I need to go back to work though, I have gone a bit mad since being off work, to the extent that i almost had an affair about a month ago. Stupid and selfish I know. I think I have just totally lost who I am as a person and now I feel like a rubbish mum too.

In all honesty Candlewax LO will be absolutely fine - for all their crying and separation anxiety stuff they are really very adaptable. Yes it will take a little time for him to settle with the CM but he will settle eventually. I think it is pretty much always the mums who are more upset by it, and your upset will rub off on him; they are very sensitive to tension and stress in those closest to them. It will be a difficult first month or two while you all adjust but before you know it you'll have your new routine sorted and wonder what you were so worried about

And don't worry about the groups, as Fluff says they're not for everyone, and there's nothing wrong with that!

And you are not a rubbish mum! The very fact you're worrying about leaving him and posted on here proves me right As for me however, I managed to catapult G over the top of a foam slide head over heels at soft play today when I was supposed to be preventing him from hurting himself. Oops, little guy would have been better off if I'd left him to it!

sunshine_1988

Candlewax, I was the same before A started nursery in Nov last year. Your new routine will just appear and you will be fine, these days A is itching to get his shoes on and get in the car for nursery. Talk to the carer, thats what she is paid for. It is completely normal to feel this way trust me, it will take a few weeks and you will wonder what you were worrying about. LO will learn so much too, lots of new social skills. And the days you spend together will be even more special

Xxx

Candlewax

Thanks all! I know you are all right and it helps to hear from those who have come through it. If only the people who go to baby groups were the sort of people who don't like baby groups then I might go ha ha!