Not a good day to be single

bossymoo

I've been ignoring it, although my littlies did make me cards at nursery and I had a nice message off my MIL (my DH passed away 15mths ago) saying remember he loved you every day, not just valentines.

We did cards but that was all. Our wedding anniversary was more important to us.

miss_independent

supermum38 wrote: »

The most valid point you make is that there are other days that make us singletons feel lonely too, like Xmas. That's the worst for me. But also my birthday although at least my teenage boys do try.
I think the point about this thread and other threads are that Valentines is just one of many of days of celebration when it would be nice to have a partner to spend it with.
I'm not materialistic and just a cup of coffee in bed would make a day special for me...it's just been so long since I've had that kind of attention and probably about 5 years since I had any gesture on Valentines day...my sons are lads and there was no chance of them giving their mum a valentines card!
My heart goes out to all of you who feel like me but I always say to myself 'maybe this time next year, I'll have a partner' and this keeps me from breaking down in tears.
Also, thanks to all the lovely comments on this thread and my other one, I have been laughing and smiling on a day when I would usually break my rule and have a bottle of vino on a school night.
No wine tonight!:D

I do understand how you feel, sorry if I came across as unsympathetic. I've definitely had the maybe next year feeling only to find myself in the same boat the following year. But I've NEVER had any attention on Valentine's Day in my life, I've never ever had a man bring me a cup of tea in bed (Valentines or not). I've never had flowers off a man or any kind of grand romantic gesture. Maybe it's different if you have had that kind of attention and then lost it. It's harder I suppose than being like me and never experienced it at all.

For years it hurt me but to survive I had to switch that pain and loneliness off. I just felt that I have to make the most of my life and put as much love out there as I can. Christmas is harder because I don't have children and don't know if I ever will so that hits me like a knife.

fawd1

ImDoingItForMe wrote: »

I feel pretty gutted atm to be honest. This was my last ditch attempt at meeting a normal guy. Ive been there, done it and had enough to the point of what is the point of being with anyone? They all start off with the caring, ile be there for you emotions, but when push comes to shove theyve all let me down to the point where i feel cynical. Not one guy ive met in the last year has even lived up to what theyve said in those first few weeks of meeting. Been let down and im worth more, if the lastest guy doesnt realise it now, then its his loss. Ive given up trying. So im sittting here with the liitle gifts i bought him and thinking what a waste of the last few months.....

Aww, that makes me sad. Don't think about those guys. The best decision I ever made, after a big heartbreak and 3-4 years of wrong guys (all trying to make me feel the way my ex had-in the good times) was to decide that I would have a fling and just enjoy it. So, I met someone, absolutely knowing that we would go nowhere, but he seemed like a good guy, and decided I'd go on a couple of dates with him. Have fun, no pressure.

7 years, marriage and two children later, I still have a fun,no pressure relationship. By that I mean, he's just my best friend, my family, and everything I could want. But he was nothing, NOTHING, I ever looked for.

I think I stopped putting myself under pressure. I remember when I first met DH thinking, just go out with him, he'll help your neuroses, he's a nice guy, and then you can go out with your "type", once you've gone out with a man who won't treat you badly. Turns out, not treating me badly and being a nice guy, plus many many other things meant that my "bridging" guy became the only man I wanted to be with.

What I'm saying is don't be depressed, don't give up hope. I went through all of that and now I'm happy as anything. And we didn't celebrate valentines this year. Why bother? We're nice to each other all year round.

supermum38

miss_independent wrote: »

I do understand how you feel, sorry if I came across as unsympathetic. I've definitely had the maybe next year feeling only to find myself in the same boat the following year. But I've NEVER had any attention on Valentine's Day in my life, I've never ever had a man bring me a cup of tea in bed (Valentines or not). I've never had flowers off a man or any kind of grand romantic gesture. Maybe it's different if you have had that kind of attention and then lost it. It's harder I suppose than being like me and never experienced it at all.

For years it hurt me but to survive I had to switch that pain and loneliness off. I just felt that I have to make the most of my life and put as much love out there as I can. Christmas is harder because I don't have children and don't know if I ever will so that hits me like a knife.

No need to apologise. I did not think your remark was unsympathetic at all.

I feel for you and know how it feels to shut out the pain.
I can't explain all of my story as it would become a book but you are clearly a survivor and at times I felt there was no hope (having depression for your whole adult life makes life a struggle) but I look back and remember that things are not as bad as they were and there is always the possibility that things will get better.
I feel so lucky to have my boys and am able to forgive my ex-husband (their dad-alcoholic) but he hates me so much he has made our lives hell for the last 14 years. We are at another CSA hearing on Tuesday.

Whatever you do, don't lock your heart away forever. There is always hope and you could meet the man of your dreams tomorrow morning...:)

miss_independent

supermum38 wrote: »

No need to apologise. I did not think your remark was unsympathetic at all.

I feel for you and know how it feels to shut out the pain.
I can't explain all of my story as it would become a book but you are clearly a survivor and at times I felt there was no hope (having depression for your whole adult life makes life a struggle) but I look back and remember that things are not as bad as they were and there is always the possibility that things will get better.
I feel so lucky to have my boys and am able to forgive my ex-husband (their dad-alcoholic) but he hates me so much he has made our lives hell for the last 14 years. We are at another CSA hearing on Tuesday.

Whatever you do, don't lock your heart away forever. There is always hope and you could meet the man of your dreams tomorrow morning...:)

Thanks, I can relate to a lot of what you said (especially about depression, I had it from age 8 but doing better now than ever in my life). I agree that all you can do is hope for the future (whilst making the most of today!).

Hope it goes well with the CSA. We are survivors .

VestanPance

miss_independent wrote: »

I do understand how you feel, sorry if I came across as unsympathetic. I've definitely had the maybe next year feeling only to find myself in the same boat the following year. But I've NEVER had any attention on Valentine's Day in my life, I've never ever had a man bring me a cup of tea in bed (Valentines or not). I've never had flowers off a man or any kind of grand romantic gesture. Maybe it's different if you have had that kind of attention and then lost it. It's harder I suppose than being like me and never experienced it at all.

For years it hurt me but to survive I had to switch that pain and loneliness off. I just felt that I have to make the most of my life and put as much love out there as I can. Christmas is harder because I don't have children and don't know if I ever will so that hits me like a knife.

That's a real shame. I've had/done the small things you mention and it's true that if you've had them you do miss them. I'm not sure that it wouldn't be every bit as bad never to have experienced that.

The kids thing strikes a chord with me too. I don't have any and knew when I gave up on having another relationship that I was admitting that was never going to happen. Although I'm of an age where the majority of women who want kids have already had theirs anyway.

poet123

bossymoo wrote: »

I've been ignoring it, although my littlies did make me cards at nursery and I had a nice message off my MIL (my DH passed away 15mths ago) saying remember he loved you every day, not just valentines.

We did cards but that was all. Our wedding anniversary was more important to us.

What a nice thing for your MIL to do, remembering your feelings on such a day. I have read other posts of yours and I admire how you seem to be coping with such unimaginable loss. Take care.

Netwizard

Valentines day used to make me feel a bit left out when I was younger. All my mates were busy with their girlfriends and rushing around the shops buying overpriced stuff.

Now It doesn't bother me one bit. I'm nearly 30 and been single all my life, so used to it! Nowadays, I'll rustle up a nice slab of steak all for me, and maybe a few southern comfort's and lemonade, whilst thinking how much money my mates have wasted on their ladies, when in reality, them cooking dinner and buying a nice bottle of red would probably have done the same job.