career woman or stay at home wife

cherylsurrey

Bluemeanie wrote: »

Career. I have read too many threads on the CSA website about women who gave up careers to raise the kids, then left with nothing when the marriage breaks down and he goes self employed. You got to take care of yourself financially in this day and age. Not rely on anyone else for money.

Too true, lots of women dont think about this and what they would do if it happened. Especially if they have been out of the workplace for years with no recent experience, which makes getting a decent paid job very hard.

I have a couple of friends who went through this senario and it was absolute hell, and I cant think of anything worse. For me I have to have my own money, pension and not rely on someone else.

DevilsAdvocate1

I really don't get the career thing when it is a choice between family or career. I have a degree and before children had a career in IT. However, when my first son was born I started to hate my career as I missed my son too much.

When I had my second son I decided to give up work altogether. Yes, it was tough financially. My husband was not too keen on the the responsibility of being the main wage earner. But on the other hand I could send him photos of what the children were doing while he was at work, so he was also closer to the children than when my son went to the childminders.

A career is so empty. Employers don't really care about you and if you were run over by a bus they would simply employ someone else. I saw this first hand when one of the directors at my company died very suddenly at the age of 43. A week after the funeral, one of the managers was promoted into the director's role and things carried on as normal. Not so for his 3 year old son or his wife. To them he couldn't be replaced so easily.

I can understand someone doing a role such a nurse or a teacher as there must be some satisfaction in improving the lives of others. But for other careers, I can't see it.

For those that worry that they will have no career when the children are grown up, do you not worry that you are missing out on your children's early years? I now have 3 children, and know I missed out massively on my eldest's early years and regret this now. I was not as close to him for several years and this was due to him being at a childminder's while I worked full time.

I am now in my mid forties and see many friends who worked full time being made redundant. So continuing with your career while your children is small is no guarantee that you will have one when they are grown up. Two of my friends have not managed to find another role and are still unemployed 2 years after being made redundant.

sky89line

Thank you so much...I read all the threads and got some

I forgot to say our group agree with working wife outside.

I have one support>>>> the costs of raising and supporting a family are so high. Both pariens must work.

Please I need more reasons for working wife.

katie1812

We have discussed that when we have children, I will stay at home for a couple of years, hoping to have two children about 3 years apart... (Obviously dependent on variety of things!) and then I will go back to work once both children start school. Perhaps at nursery age, I will be return part time. Having a career is so important to me, I don't want children until I feel my career is at a reasonable level before we start having children. It is a tricky one, but one each to the person.

flutterby_lil

Alikay wrote: »

I don't know any non-working women whose lives are anything like that!

Oh I do, lots and lots and lots!

FBaby

I think its amazing that so many women think that once married and with children their lives are secured worth the protection of their partner sorting them for ever when you consider the rate of divorce which all started as happy marriages. I would never rely fully on another person to support me financially unless I had absolutely no choice and I'm glad I didn't as indeed my relationship with the father of my children failed badly and out is only because I continued to focus on my career whilst being the kids main career that I've managed to get into a comfortable situation and offer the kids the life I wanted my children to have. Of course many times I dreamed of being at home looking after my home and kids even to cut down on my hours but time goes by fast and looking back now in my 40s kids 10 and 13, I would definitely not do things differently.

gizmodo_2

As people have said before kids can change your whole view on everything.

Before children I planned on having 6 months maternity (would have had less if I hadn't wanted to breastfeed) and to carry on in my career in IT.

As it happened I hated my job by the time we started trying for a family, therefore I saved to have the full 12 months off. Loved it. Went back to my old job full time and hated it again and resented it even more leaving my little one at home.

After 9 months I quit my job with no job to go to and considered teaching for a career. Being a maths teacher is something that's been in the back of my mind since I left uni. But it's not the right time to be training to be a teacher IMO with a toddler and now another on the way.

I got a job as a Learning Support Assistant, to a) help me decide if teaching was for me and b) for the experience to help me get a PGCE/Schools Direct place when the time is right.

All in all it has worked out perfectly for me. Despite the low pay, the hours are perfect (part time) and it means I see more of my daughter, but still have a getaway and adult (and teenage!) conversation and get to use my brain and I most importantly, I love it. I still haven't decided whether I want to go for teaching, but the career option is definitely a possibility for me and I'm getting some great experience and learning how different teachers teach. So I feel now that when my kids go to school that I can still aim for a career if I should feel that way.

Not sure if that helps.