Should appearances matter?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

ostrichnomore wrote: »

I think he was probably reasonably honest about his age - if I squinted and imagined him with different hair and clothes, yeah it's about right.

Snog? Hmmm, no, not like that. But then I took one look at ex and thought urk as well the first time I met him, so things can improve.

'Or, do you just have a lot in common and your head is telling you that you should like him on that basis?' yes this could well be it.

I do like this man or I wouldn't even be bothering to think about it, so a second chance is in order. And if he still doesn't get my mojo going then it'll be strictly friend-zone or nothing.

I'm all for people just being themselves and not slaves to fashion. I feel like a hypocrite!

You went urk. It didn't end well with your ex, did it?


It's your instincts saying NO. Go with them.

Jellybro

You are not a shallow person just because you don't find him attractive. If someone having a Max Wall hair style and no dress sense isn't your thing, then don't force yourself.
I would keep him as a friend and enjoy your shared interest over a friendly coffee!

[Deleted User]

Would you be embarressed in the way that he dresses to invite him to social things with your friends? I met a guy, we sort of clicked but i felt embarressed when i was with him. I take pride in my appearance and felt too dressed up (even though i was in jeans, top, makeup etc) when i was walking down the street with him. First meet up appearances do count for me, when your meeting a person they should care enough to make themselves look good for you and visa versa, especially on a first meet up regardless of what the meet ups about. Its about first impressions, and for me, hed have blown it as it doesnt take 5mins to change a top or trousers.

SuzieSue

OP, your main problem with this man seems to be his hair. Some men just don't care about what the latest fashion is with hair, just like some women don't dye their grey hair which I think would put a lot of men off as they would think that they don't care about themselves.

If it is only the hair, then I would see him again as you can always get him to change that after a while. If he won't change it and it really bothers you then you will have to think again, but if he is a decent guy then there is no reason why he wouldn't change it after he knows it is old fashioned.

j.e.j.

It's not really about fashion or being shallow, - it sounds like you find this guy physically unattractive (which is fair enough, going by your description of him!) Reading between the lines I'm kind of sensing (I may be wrong) that you think you should give him another chance because you might not find anyone better, or maybe because you feel a bit sorry for him?

If that's the case those are very bad reasons to keep seeing someone.

ostrichnomore_2

Yeah, a lot of you are right. I'm trying to talk myself into being 'nice' about him but really the fact of the matter is that I simply don't fancy him at all, so it'll be just friends or nothing.

(Even though I urked at first sight at ex we soon warmed up when we started talking and ended our first date with a massive snogging session, but no, I really can't imagine kissing this chap without grimacing!).

I'm not that fussed about getting into a relationship right now - actually I don't want to get into anything serious at all - I don't do rebound and I've got plans for the next couple of years that mean I don't want to get tied down to anyone unless Mr Fantastic happens to turn up at random, so I'm not sure why I felt a bit obliged to give this one another chance...maybe it was the shallow thing, thanks for putting me straight on that and helping me realise it's either there or it isn't, and if it isn't, I'm not being shallow!

alyth

this is an interesting thread for me. I've been single for five years, 42, never really thought about men in that time. However, I've met a guy through work and we've had two lunches and we've arranged to meet again next week. However, whilst he is sweet and kind, he is not thin.......to the extent that his stomach hangs way over his jeans and he has a really fat face - but he is cute, if that makes sense. So asking about whether someone should make an effort - well the guy was clean, well dressed, but I couldn't be drawn away from the fact that you could rest a pint on that gut! Same as the OP, I love being on my own, wasn't looking for someone in my life, and moving abroad next year permanently, so it's been very interesting to see the comments made to the OP's post.

I can see the two of us being friends, but as to taking it any further, I just couldn't.

fluffnutter

ostrichnomore wrote: »

He is very bald. Which is 100% fine. But what wasn't fine was that he had one of those Robert Robertson thin rings of hair left around the edges, which he'd grown to a couple of inches long.

There's just no need for this.

aileth

Imo if there's no effort on the first date, what is he going to be like in years time when he feels comfortable?! There's a difference between not being attracted to someone because of how they look naturally and someone not taking any care in their appearance!!! He obviously isn't bothered!

Joons

Oh that did make me laugh, you're not shallow, just realistic and he's not living up to what you're looking for, the stained jumper would've been enough to put me off but he had loads others things wrong so you're right, he doesn't sound like he's for you!