Should appearances matter?

zzzLazyDaisy

You say he looks and dresses like a person older than in his 50's? Are you sure he isn't actually older than he says he is?

To be honest, if I was that put off my someone on my first date, I probably wouldn't go for a second date. Ask yourself if you can imagine puckering up for a snog...

dandelionclock30

OP ditch this man like now.
Even if hes not nice looking and fit, there is nothing to stop him presenting himself well.He could have worn a new top, trousers and jacket and had a hair cut.
Instead he presented himself like Jim Royal, what a slob. Theres plenty of older men who would'nt dress like this. You dont want to be stuck with a tramp like this who will be an embarrassment.

74jax

If the clothes aren't the problem, I wouldnt go for another date. So he dresses differently but the hair is still there.

He might really like you and as you clearly can't get passed the hair I don't think it's fair.

If however you are both thinking friend-terms, meet again and as friends it shouldn't matter.

What have you both said about it?

lika_86

Are there things my boyfriend wears that I don't love? Yes.
Are there things I wear that he probably doesn't love? Yes.

But I find him unbelievably attractive so it doesn't matter if there's a certain jumper or pair of shoes I'm not a big fan of.

Clothes aside, are you attracted to him? Or, do you just have a lot in common and your head is telling you that you should like him on that basis?

Fundamentally, you should never go into a relationship expecting someone to change, if you can't take him as he is then don't pursue this further.

ostrichnomore_2

I think he was probably reasonably honest about his age - if I squinted and imagined him with different hair and clothes, yeah it's about right.

Snog? Hmmm, no, not like that. But then I took one look at ex and thought urk as well the first time I met him, so things can improve.

'Or, do you just have a lot in common and your head is telling you that you should like him on that basis?' yes this could well be it.

I do like this man or I wouldn't even be bothering to think about it, so a second chance is in order. And if he still doesn't get my mojo going then it'll be strictly friend-zone or nothing.

I'm all for people just being themselves and not slaves to fashion. I feel like a hypocrite!

Sambucus_Nigra

If you can't get past the hair - ditch the second date. Even if he did decide to cut it for you - do you really want to be stuck with it in 7 years time once he CBA to keep up appearances?

Skintski

You're not shallow, there needs to be physical attraction I think. Just a spark if nothing else. My other half is no Brad Pitt but there is just something about him I can't resist. I should point out I'm no Angelina either so it must work both ways lol.

If you can't get past the hair then I think you already know whether its worth a second date.

Mrs_Arcanum

First impressions will always matter and as such a bad first impression is very hard to get past.

If you feel you can be honest enough with him then you do need to say something, even if it means the end of the relationship. Having said that, anyone who turns up for a fist date looking as if they have made no real effort is not worth pursuing.

IHateDida

If you are questioning these things after the first date....then I would say its a non-starter from the outset, and you have answered your own question.

I am with you though - if someone can't make an effort on the first date....then imagine several months, even years in.....!:eek: Like someone else said....imagine having to kiss him.....how would you feel?

Tiglath

Some guys are absolutely clueless when it comes to style. When I first met DH, he was still dressed in the style his ex chose - flat tweed cap, zip-up cardy with leather elbow patches etc. and not in an ironic way. He was 32 :eek: I knew there was an attractive guy under there, and managed to revamp his image quite easily with his agreement. I still choose his clothes - he's just not interested.

I guess it depends if you think this guy has potential.