Parents - what would you do?!

System

Theres very little you can do if he wont help himself unfortunately.

You can take a horse to water as the phrase goes but you cant make it drink.

You cant help your stepson if he doesnt want help but you can protect yourself and your husband from the pain by keeping at a distance.

margaretclare

Worriedstepmum wrote: »

Thanks. I'm that desperate I even considered calling the Jeremy Kyle show and getting him on an "intervention" program where they send them to rehab!! :eek: It would be the most humiliating experience of my life and he would need a whole show to get through the things my stepson has done ....

From what I've seen of the JK Show he does require an absolute commitment from the people to whom he offers this. He makes this crystal-clear that no intervention in the world will work unless the person himself wants it and is committed to it. He then sends them off in a taxi so there is a complete break with their normal surroundings and contacts. Recently there was one in which the addict could not commit to this wholeheartedly - it didn't happen and JK walked away. As he says, you can only help someone if they want to be helped and willing to turn their life around.

Doesn't sound as if your SS has reached this point yet.

Worriedstepmum

guruchelles wrote: »

Please don't take offence, but are you sure this child is his? You can't conceive and learn of the conception in the same week. At any rate, I guess that's a secondary problem.

I don't really have any advice, but I do sympathise. You can only do what you can do. The addict - as others have said - has to make the ultimate decision. You are doing the right thing being there for your partner.

No offence taken at all but yes we are 100% sure the child is his. They didn't realise she was pregnant until about 8 weeks but, working backwards, it's obvious she literally fell pregnant on about the 2nd day after he was out. She was completely and utterly besotted with him, was visiting him inside and counting down the days until he was released and they could make "their" baby. I find the whole think incomprehensible - they literally had not lived together for a single day at that point.

quinechinoise

guruchelles wrote: »

Please don't take offence, but are you sure this child is his? You can't conceive and learn of the conception in the same week.

Possibly that's just the way she's expressed it. There seem to be many ladies on MSE who say they "knew" as soon as they were pregnant.

System

Worriedstepmum wrote: »

Is there anywhere to get rehab for free though? I presume he is on the dole as he hasn't worked since he left prison a year ago.

First port of call would be his doctor i would have thought. He could do with having a HIV and HepC test too but thats beside the point.

The thing is, never being in a prison situation myself i would have thought he would have had drugs help from inside (or at least help weaning him off the stuff).

Worriedstepmum

margaretclare wrote: »

From what I've seen of the JK Show he does require an absolute commitment from the people to whom he offers this.

Doesn't sound as if your SS has reached this point yet.

Yes, I agree. I think he's heading that way but god only knows what his rock-bottom is. He has actually already died once, on his grandparents' bathroom floor when he OD'd. His father brought him back with the help of paramedics on the phone. You'd think dying would be pretty much rock bottom for most people, wouldn't you?

Worriedstepmum

Judi wrote: »

First port of call would be his doctor i would have thought. He could do with having a HIV and HepC test too but thats beside the point.

The thing is, never being in a prison situation myself i would have thought he would have had drugs help from inside (or at least help weaning him off the stuff).

To be honest, the help inside prison is useless. They just get them onto something like methadone to keep them quiet, then release them addicted to that. Last time he came out addicted to prozac which they were giving him. I'm not saying for a minute that I think they should be given lots of care and attention in prison, but at the end of the day he's coming back out as an addict then breaking into people's houses and stealing again, which isn't good for anyone

dandelionclock30

Its his choice though isnt it to remain in that cycle. If used properly methadone can be a good treatment option and many people stabilize on it and then reduce and come off.
When he was in prison the drugs workers will have gone through with him the options when he got out. They will have told him of all the services and of the NA groups he could attend. He would have even been referred to a treatment programme if he was being prescribed.
You dont need to go on Jeremy Kyle-the treatment is available for him now in your city. There are also support groups for parents of drug users, check that out as well, you might find it helpfull.

System

Worriedstepmum wrote: »

To be honest, the help inside prison is useless. They just get them onto something like methadone to keep them quiet, then release them addicted to that. Last time he came out addicted to prozac which they were giving him. I'm not saying for a minute that I think they should be given lots of care and attention in prison, but at the end of the day he's coming back out as an addict then breaking into people's houses and stealing again, which isn't good for anyone

Whats the answer though? Have you ever seen an addict go cold turkey? Let alone someone you love. Prison is meant to be a punishment rather than a place to get 'clean'.

Its down to individuals taking responsible for their own actions.

Personally i dont understand the addiction. I never will.

nuttywoman

Hi Worriedstepmum , I`ve been were you are with my son . I know its hard but any help you or any of the family etc give him your enabling him to carry on . Its very hard to stand back as i know only too well but its the only way .For one thing you have to realise that he`s an adult, and until he reaches rock bottom he won`t get anywhere and also you need to get on with your own life. If you want to pm me, feel free .
My son reached rock bottom last August after living on the streets , he came to us, went to gp , so is under their care also went to local rehab place and still attends meetings .