Having child's friends round after school

Janepig

I'm not one for having kids over, I have to say. But for some reason I'm the first port of call for quite afew of my friends if they are running late or whatever so most days I'm like Mary Poppins coming from school - the teachers usually express surprise if I'm leaving with just the one. I'm quite happy to tell any of them off if they misbehave and I've always told my friends I'm more than happy for them to tell mine off too - DD never ever needs telling off (well she does at home, but not when we're out), DS needs constant telling off and I'm happy for anyone to do it as it makes a change from me yelling at him!!! DS's best friend is told off by me more than his mum, even when she's there!!!

There are some kids I'd be prepared to have over more than others though. And I find my children's behaviour alters depending who they are with. My cousin's little boy is in DS's class and DS behaves beautifully when he comes over to play. There are other kids that send him completely manic though!!!

Jx

sooty&sweep

Hi

Could you let her invite a friend around for lunch & to play in the afternoon at the weekend when their dad could be around to help out ?
Jen

mrcow

Do you have a husband/partner around at the weekends?

If so, then don't invite round for after school playdates. Invite over at the weekend for tea (say 3-6pm on a Saturday).

That way you have reinforcements.

There's no rule that says it has to be Monday-Friday.

mrcow

sooty&sweep wrote: »

Hi

Could you let her invite a friend around for lunch & to play in the afternoon at the weekend when their dad could be around to help out ?
Jen

Sorry - didn't see this before! But snap Good idea

timeou

Mine are a little older now but I've had a few occasions where I'd be in the school yard waiting for the children to come out and they'd appear hand in hand with another child asking 'please can xxxx come to tea???' the child (and often the parent) would then look expectantly whilst I'd be inwardly cursing my child and saying through gritted teeth it was ok. Not always what I wanted after working all day!
I soon made it quite clear to both my children that ad hoc requests would be turned down and a proper date would have to be set.
Over the years we had our fair share of fussy eaters, kids who whisper to my daughter 'ask your mum for biscuits / chocolate / dinks / treats' etc which would really annoy.
I would always make it quite clear that any mess was to be tidied away - if not that child was never invited again.
Strict I know, but my house, my rules.

esmy

I used to love the ones who would eat anything and say thankyou - they were welcome any time.

The ones that were only invited once were the ones who only ate chips and toast, or cried when they found we didn't have fizzy pop, or tormented the pets.

Mine and their friends were never accompanied to play dates and I never kept count for return invitations. It was all far more informal than that.

minimoneysaver

I've worked it that my daughter goes to after school club on the same day as her friends. She only goes one day a week, so it's a real treat and they get to bake, make crafts etc without parents hanging over them. Win win situation all round and for all three parents :-)

shortdog

My house appears to be the park extension, and certainly the park toilets! My daughter has a regular procession of kids in and out, and I prefer it because I know where they are, what they're up to, and who she's playing with. However, this is a small village, where all the kids know each other, they all go to the same school, and they all play together both in and out of school.
We have the rule that no-one stays for tea unless previously arranged with parents, but lunch is fed to whoever is here at the time. Lunch, at the weekend and school holidays, tends to be a huge plate of jam sandwiches or toast and butter for all the kids to help themselves to, a jug or two of diluting juice, and a bowl of crisps or popcorn - there were 5 extra for lunch on Sunday!
None of the parents have been round for playdates since the kids started school, we tend to meet up during the day while most of the kids are at school instead, and no-one keeps count round here (which is a shame, because I'd be owed big time!)

OrkneyStar

mysk_girl wrote: »

I can't work out if I'm being mean or not. I have 3 children, aged 5, nearly 3 and 8 weeks. My oldest asked today if she could bring a friend home, and I said yes. It was a nightmare. Trying to look after a fussy 8wk old, 2yo having tantrums and this friend who wanted to empty every drawer and box of my craft stuff (and succeeded to a lesser extent). Also trying to cook a meal, which I had to change plans for as I know this child wouldn't have eaten what I was going to cook.

Eat what you are given (within reason, eg leave the broccoli off the plate if he/she really won't eat it, maybe offer some peas, but don't make difficult alternatives)

As a result I have said "no more friends round" until the baby is a good bit bigger, and definitely none without prior arrangement. There are a couple of her friends who I could tolerate with warning.

Warning is the key, let you prepare beforehand and feel more in control.

I just wonder if I'm being a bit mean, child has gone now but I'm left with a bomb site to clear up. I tried to get the girls to clean up before tea (usual practice in this house) and was calmly informed that "guests don't do tidying". I left it to not cause a scene, but admit I did get a bit snappy when my walls were drawn on and she wouldn't stop jumping on the furniture. I just hope she doesn't report back that I shouted (didn't, but pretty close).

In my house if you help make the mess you help clear it, 2 or 3 spoken but meant warnings, shouting as last resort but sometimes needed!

Also, if I don't want to have friends round (I guess probably until after Easter, and possibly longer as we are having an extension built starting mid march), should I not be accepting play dates for her at others houses, as I can't/won't currently reciprocate. I have no problem with friends round, but it just feels to much to cope with right now. But I don't want my daughter to be left out of the social stuff at school if I can't let her go to other people's houses.

I think it is fine to not have kids round that often right now, perhaps even some more caring/sensitive mums would invite your daughter round in the knowledge it would give you a wee break. Send her with some biccies or something if you feel you need to.

I'm just a bit tired for all this right now.

Comments in red.
Don't worry too much, sounds like you reacted in a perfectly normal way.

cte1111

I don't think you have to say no to other people's invitations just because you can't currently cope with having them back. One of my son's friends had been over a few times without them asking him back. They'd been having work done on their house plus they also have a younger child so I presumed they had too much on their plate. They did take him out this weekend to a play centre, which he absolutely loved. Both parents were off work and it was out of their house so guess that was easier for them.

I try and make sure I have the children's friends over when my husband is able to get back reasonably early from work, then I have help for at least part of the visit. I find it stressful looking after extra children, but do try to ask people over when I can cope, as the kids love it.

Food - this can be a problem. Last time both my children had friends over, I started asking them what they liked. Big mistake, everything they said they liked, my son suddenly decided he didn't like. In the end I cooked them nuggets, wedges, sweetcorn and carrots, put some on each plate and said they didn't have to eat it all but they should try some of each at least. They all pretty much cleared their plate except for my son's friend who left his sweetcorn, fair enough I'm not especially keen on it myself! Basically, try to cook something that is fairly quick and easy (ready made pizza is often popular) then it's one less thing to take your attention. If they don't eat it, then I'm sure they'll get fed when they get home.

It's hard being a parent sometimes...