Having child's friends round after school

mysk_girl

I can't work out if I'm being mean or not. I have 3 children, aged 5, nearly 3 and 8 weeks. My oldest asked today if she could bring a friend home, and I said yes. It was a nightmare. Trying to look after a fussy 8wk old, 2yo having tantrums and this friend who wanted to empty every drawer and box of my craft stuff (and succeeded to a lesser extent). Also trying to cook a meal, which I had to change plans for as I know this child wouldn't have eaten what I was going to cook.

As a result I have said "no more friends round" until the baby is a good bit bigger, and definitely none without prior arrangement. There are a couple of her friends who I could tolerate with warning.

I just wonder if I'm being a bit mean, child has gone now but I'm left with a bomb site to clear up. I tried to get the girls to clean up before tea (usual practice in this house) and was calmly informed that "guests don't do tidying". I left it to not cause a scene, but admit I did get a bit snappy when my walls were drawn on and she wouldn't stop jumping on the furniture. I just hope she doesn't report back that I shouted (didn't, but pretty close).

Also, if I don't want to have friends round (I guess probably until after Easter, and possibly longer as we are having an extension built starting mid march), should I not be accepting play dates for her at others houses, as I can't/won't currently reciprocate. I have no problem with friends round, but it just feels to much to cope with right now. But I don't want my daughter to be left out of the social stuff at school if I can't let her go to other people's houses.

I'm just a bit tired for all this right now.

Mojisola

mysk_girl wrote: »

Trying to look after a fussy 8wk old, 2yo having tantrums and this friend who wanted to empty every drawer and box of my craft stuff (and succeeded to a lesser extent). Also trying to cook a meal, which I had to change plans for as I know this child wouldn't have eaten what I was going to cook.

As a result I have said "no more friends round" until the baby is a good bit bigger, and definitely none without prior arrangement. There are a couple of her friends who I could tolerate with warning.

When friends came to play with ours, it was a case of "our house, our rules" so that would have been a big NO to messing with adult stuff and "Well, in this house visitors do help tidy up".

I would try one of the other friends on a day when you can get dinner organised in advance and be very clear about what's off limits.

TheEffect

"Clean up this mess/don't do that, otherwise you'll not have any more friends round for a X amount of time."

Follow through, and next time hopefully it'll be easier for you.

mysk_girl

That's usually true here as well, my house my rules - but I was trying to cook and nurse a newborn while supervising play so things got a bit out of hand!

[Deleted User]

I'm sure that other parents will understand if you're not having their kids around as often as you would normally knowing that you have a very small baby at home.

I'm not a parent, but I'm pretty sure that I'd not mind, and hope others would be understanding of me in the same situation.

daisiegg

Oh that sounds awful! Poor you!

Are you sure you are not being a bit hasty saying NO friends round, though? This girl sounds particularly bad and I certainly don't blame you for not wanting her round again...but what if your daughter wanted a friend who was much quieter and better behaved? Mind you, it is your house and you that has to deal with it and you are not saying no friends forever - just until the baby is older...

Hope you can get a chance to relax at some point this evening!

CH27

Mojisola wrote: »

When friends came to play with ours, it was a case of "our house, our rules" so that would have been a big NO to messing with adult stuff and "Well, in this house visitors do help tidy up".

I would try one of the other friends on a day when you can get dinner organised in advance and be very clear about what's off limits.

Snap
OP I think you are being a tad unfair judging every friend by this one.

mysk_girl

I did say that there are a couple of her friends that I would be happy to have with prior arrangement - but should I be refusing to let her go to others houses if I'm not happy to have that child round?

Nicki

I think its fair enough to be fed up with a visiting 5 year old drawing on your walls. To be honest when mine were 5, they didn't go on playdates on their own, I always stayed to supervise them and other parents did the same when they came to me. I think the mum of the visiting child had a bit of a cheek effectively dumping a bratty kid with you and scarpering knowing that you have a very small baby also to look after!

In your shoes I would:

1. Make it a rule that no more play dates happen unless the parent of the child comes to and stays and supervises their kid, and stick to this for another 2-3 years until you are comfortable that visiting children will behave without needing you to constantly supervise them;

2. I would get your 5 year old to help you with the tidying up now, and remind her gently that if her friends are doing naughty things when they visit, she is to tell you immediately.

3. Not sure what she drew on the wall with, but if it is pencil, an eraser should get it off, if crayon there is a product called sticky stuff remover from Lakeland whch gets that off, and I hope it isn't felt tip, but if it is it MAY come off with babywipes.

4. As for postponing new playdates, the extension is a great excuse for this. And no, you don't need to prevent your child going elsewhere. Most people will understand if you say "My house is in chaos at the moment because we have the builders in. Is it all right if we don't have you back until after Easter when we should be back to normal again". You can always bring biscuits and drinks to the host if you feel that someone is entertaining your kids more than you feel comfortable with when you aren't able to return the favour.

5. Have a nice cup of tea (or a large glass of wine ) and try to forget how horrid other people's children can be sometimes.

balletshoes

mysk_girl wrote: »

I can't work out if I'm being mean or not. I have 3 children, aged 5, nearly 3 and 8 weeks. My oldest asked today if she could bring a friend home, and I said yes. It was a nightmare. Trying to look after a fussy 8wk old, 2yo having tantrums and this friend who wanted to empty every drawer and box of my craft stuff (and succeeded to a lesser extent). Also trying to cook a meal, which I had to change plans for as I know this child wouldn't have eaten what I was going to cook.

As a result I have said "no more friends round" until the baby is a good bit bigger, and definitely none without prior arrangement. There are a couple of her friends who I could tolerate with warning.

I just wonder if I'm being a bit mean, child has gone now but I'm left with a bomb site to clear up. I tried to get the girls to clean up before tea (usual practice in this house) and was calmly informed that "guests don't do tidying". I left it to not cause a scene, but admit I did get a bit snappy when my walls were drawn on and she wouldn't stop jumping on the furniture. I just hope she doesn't report back that I shouted (didn't, but pretty close).

Also, if I don't want to have friends round (I guess probably until after Easter, and possibly longer as we are having an extension built starting mid march), should I not be accepting play dates for her at others houses, as I can't/won't currently reciprocate. I have no problem with friends round, but it just feels to much to cope with right now. But I don't want my daughter to be left out of the social stuff at school if I can't let her go to other people's houses.

I'm just a bit tired for all this right now.

if I'd had one of my daughter's friends round for a playdate, and that friend wouldnt stop jumping on the furniture and drew on my walls she'd have got shouted at, and I wouldn't be apologetic about it.

Who informed you "guests don't do tidying" (because they'd be getting told in no uncertain terms by me "in this house they do").

It does sound like you have a lot on your plate with 3 young ones, so if you want to put the playdates on hold until your baby is a little older, I don't see anything wrong with that. Otherwise, is there any day when you could have a friend of your daughter's home from school with her, when you don't have the younger 2, even for an hour or so?

I always had the "with prior notice" rule for after-school playdates for my daughter, all the way through primary school. I don't see anything wrong with that, lets everyone know where they stand, child and parents alike.

mysk_girl

She's genuinely not a horrid child, she's been before and when I have time to play and do stuff and be around to help with drawing and colouring things have been fine. Which is why I said yes. However, today they were unsupervised and things got out of hand. The walls are fine, it was a pencil and has now come off.

It is the norm here that once they are at school, parents don't go with them? Is that not so for others? I would always stay with my preschool child, but the older one has been going unsupervised since she started school.

I have calmed down a bit now, and the "no more friends" will be reconsidered! The extension will be a good excuse as it will cause chaos!