Having child's friends round after school

ibizafan_2

It doesn't get much better, either. I was never overjoyed to get home from work and be faced with a lounge full of teenage boys lolling around! They were always polite, and I bet they thought I could be grumpy at times, but I just felt like flopping myself, and not being invaded. Mind you, my son is now 28 and still friendly with his old school mates, which is nice.

jellyhead

Judi wrote: »

Maybe i'm a bit mean but i think children of school age see enough of eachother at school without bringing them home as well.

It tends to be mostly the only children who have playdates here. My 7 year old has a lot of 'only' boys in his class and they have a whirlwind social life, especially regarding the boys doing sports activities together.

My son has an older brother and he sees plenty of his cousins and a few school friends at sports, swimming, messy church etc. so I don't feel obliged to have anyone else over very often.

My son was 7 before he was happy to go with another mum without me hanging around, so he doesn't get asked to many playdates because the mums want to get on with cooking, etc. rather than drink coffee and make conversation with me I'm happy to stick with just the 2 mums who do regularly invite the both of us over, and nowadays my 7 year old will go without me.

My eldest likes his own space and having a friend over after school would have been his worst nightmare, so I think his antisocial tendencies have rubbed off onto how I parent the youngest (there's a 9 year gap) and we stick to mostly cousins. We do take other children on days out.

I'd say it all depends on how many siblings a child has and whether they do activities such as brownies etc. where they would see other children. If it's an only child who doesn't go to ballet, swimming, church etc. after school then I think they'd want a friend over every so often.

jellyhead

Just to add - I say in the playground "We're having salmon and broccoli for tea" and if the child doesn't like that then they don't stay for tea. The mum will tell you if they really despise what you're having and won't eat any of it, or whether a small change such as extra carrots and no broccoli would be better.

Otherwise you get kids turning up their nose at things that their mum would expect them to eat. I got told "We only eat vegetables on a Sunday!"

If the visiting child wasn't going to eat what were were having then I'd take them home before we ate, and just give them a drink and snack after school.

bestpud

I didn't go to play dates with mine once they started school but did go to parties for a bit longer.

I think you need to get tough with them if you are going to have any more OP!

bizzielizzie_2

You're not being mean! I'm well impressed you had a friend round with a new baby and another one. Your children's parents could maybe take the burden and have your daughter without expecting you to return the favour?

bagpuss38

TBH my 6 year old has never had a school friend round to play and hasn't been invited either.
Makes me sound mean, i'm a nice lady honest lol:o

OrkneyStar

bagpuss38 wrote: »

TBH my 6 year old has never had a school friend round to play and hasn't been invited either.
Makes me sound mean, i'm a nice lady honest lol:o

My 5 yr old has not been on many, a few, tbh I kind of think they see enough of each other at school, BB's etc, but if someone asks and he fancies it then fine. I think he is fairly well behaved, tries to eat what is given etc.

bestpud

bagpuss38 wrote: »

TBH my 6 year old has never had a school friend round to play and hasn't been invited either.
Makes me sound mean, i'm a nice lady honest lol:o

I think it varies a lot by school, gender, intake (parents and children) and possibly even area of the country!

Counting_Pennies_2

It is a miracle you are even thinking of having anyone to play.

You have a new born, a terrible two and a child who is new at school.

Give all of yourselves and break and just get yourselves home and function after school.

How about organising for a friend to come to play on a weekend day. That way your OH is about and there are two adults.

Alternatively invite the mum back as well.

Definitely accept play dates you are offered and just say, I am really sorry but with a new born and a toddler I am just about able to stay on top of the basics, so if it is ok I will return the favour in the summer when the extension is complete.

mysk_girl

Thanks for all the replies - I think limiting it to arranged play dates with carefully selected individuals is the way forward, if I'm going to do anything at all. I guess I'm not being too mean... I know she has only been at school for 1.5 terms, but it's a small village primary and she went to preschool with most of her class for 2 years prior to that, so they aren't exactly new friends. I think maybe I need to accept play dates graciously and not worry so much!

Thanks again.