Having child's friends round after school

balletshoes

Nicki wrote: »

I think its fair enough to be fed up with a visiting 5 year old drawing on your walls. To be honest when mine were 5, they didn't go on playdates on their own, I always stayed to supervise them and other parents did the same when they came to me. I think the mum of the visiting child had a bit of a cheek effectively dumping a bratty kid with you and scarpering knowing that you have a very small baby also to look after!

In your shoes I would:

1. Make it a rule that no more play dates happen unless the parent of the child comes to and stays and supervises their kid, and stick to this for another 2-3 years until you are comfortable that visiting children will behave without needing you to constantly supervise them;

Nicki thats interesting - my colleague has 2 young children, and she also thought it would be the done thing to have her daughters friend's mum come and visit during their playdate at her house (the girls are both 4). Mum came along (with her own toddler son) plonked her bum on the sofa, didn't lift a finger or offer to, and didn't even say anything to her toddler when he was attempting to demolish a couple of toys belonging to my colleagues kids.

I never had mums along on playdates with my daughter's friends, and I never went along with my daughter either. I dropped her off, and always collected her, so I knew where she was. I always had their parents names and phone numbers too, before the first playdate.

dandelionclock30

I'd have phoned her Mum and asked her to come and pick her up early!. Fancy that a 5 year old saying that its not for guests to tidy up!. Theres no way that she would be coming again to my house.
What I would do in the future is like someone elce said get the childs parent to come as well and have them for coffee and biscuits for an hour or so after school. Or you could go out to a park or somwhere and have a meet up! Obviously in the better weather.
I think people will understand if you dont want to supervise their children.When you have 3 little ones of your own.

sassyblue

mysk_girl wrote: »

I tried to get the girls to clean up before tea (usual practice in this house) and was calmly informed that "guests don't do tidying". I left it to not cause a scene, but admit I did get a bit snappy when my walls were drawn on and she wouldn't stop jumping on the furniture.

Whoever said 'guests don't do tidying' ? I'm afraid in our house the children guests ARE asked to help tidy up if they've made a mess. Although, the ones that have come round have been really well behaved and played nicely. Maybe you were unlucky. :cool:

Tbh l think you've excelled yourself with 3 small children and a badly behaved/over-excitable child over for a play. Jumping on the furniture and writing on walls are definite no no's, you know this child better than us and if that's normal behaviour well you'll think of some excuses if mum asks if her little darling can come round again or mentions you shouting..... well, you had to raise your voice because you were changing baby and she was doing something dangerous.

pigpen

mysk_girl wrote: »

I know this child wouldn't have eaten what I was going to cook.

They would have gone home hungry from my house!!

I just wonder if I'm being a bit mean, child has gone now but I'm left with a bomb site to clear up. I tried to get the girls to clean up before tea (usual practice in this house) and was calmly informed that "guests don't do tidying".

The answer is.. they do in this house now get on with it or no food.

I left it to not cause a scene, but admit I did get a bit snappy when my walls were drawn on and she wouldn't stop jumping on the furniture. I just hope she doesn't report back that I shouted (didn't, but pretty close).

I'd have sent her home at this point!!!

Also, if I don't want to have friends round (I guess probably until after Easter, and possibly longer as we are having an extension built starting mid march), should I not be accepting play dates for her at others houses, as I can't/won't currently reciprocate. I have no problem with friends round, but it just feels to much to cope with right now. But I don't want my daughter to be left out of the social stuff at school if I can't let her go to other people's houses.

I'm just a bit tired for all this right now.

I don't have extra children. I find most of them to be horrible rude little brats who think they can do as they please. That or my children have very poor choice of friends!!

And you don't make excuses in future you just say after the way she behaved last time you must be joking!

mysk_girl

I'm going to be charitable and go with over-excited and tired. A bit of egging on of each other and lack of normal supervision added up to not a nice experience.

Mine are all in bed now asleep and OH is home so I am starting to feel better again!

Still interested re the parents attending / not attending play dates though, at what age do you stop going with your kids?

pigpen

I never went with mine, they went to friends houses from being 3

gingin_2

mysk_girl wrote: »

It is the norm here that once they are at school, parents don't go with them?

Here it's the same, I've had the same girls coming over since they were 4/5 and they are 8/9 now, always unsupervised. I like it, it gets easier as they get older, the children get to know you and your ways. I like to think I have a good bond with a good number of DD's friends because of this. I've had troublesome ones, they don't come over as often . One child would never say please or thank you, I always reminded them. Some beg for snacks/ sweets, I don't let them. I've never had a problem in saying no to another person's child. If it's said in a calm manner it shouldn't be a problem.

I think one of the nicest things about playdates is that they tend to reciprocate, that means you get a peaceful afternoon in return for having one chaotic afternoon with their child. If I knew a friend of a mum was having an extension I'd offer for their child to come over more often without expecting anything in return - make sure you are quite vocal about it in the playground

I do think your daughter deserves playdates, it must be hard with a new sibling and she might be resentful if she knows she has to go without because of a new arrival but you are in no way a bad mum for feeling like that, you must be frazzled!

Nicki

mysk_girl wrote: »

Still interested re the parents attending / not attending play dates though, at what age do you stop going with your kids?

Probably around 7 or 8 from memory. This wasn't me being overprotective by the way. It was what everyone else who lived near me or had kids at the same school did. Maybe because we all lived in inner London? Even when they were old enough to be left, they would still have been dropped off and picked up.

I once threw a badly behaved kid out too . It was a neighbour's child who had been left for the first time and decided over tea to start making fun of my DD who is autistic by copying her flapping and odd noises. His spoilt petulant little bum didn't even hit my front step on the way out and his parent was told in no uncertain terms that he would never be coming back. Funnily enough that child is now 12 and much nicer and politer, and we do now very occasionally allow him to visit but I won't ever forget what a vile little brat he was when he was about 7

dawn_rose

hiya i have three girls ages 7, 5 and 2 my eldest has a friend to play quite regular and has from the age of four when my youngest was quite little too they respect my rules no drawing on walls or bouncing on furniture. They tidy up together when theyve done. My middle girl has a friend round the corner who most often than not i go round with her mainly coz me and her mum are friends and they come round here. My friend has the same rules too. your house your rules. I find it easier to invite kids over when i know dh is on an earlty shift and therefore home for teatime esp when lil one was so small.

mysk_girl

gingin wrote: »

I do think your daughter deserves playdates, it must be hard with a new sibling and she might be resentful if she knows she has to go without because of a new arrival but you are in no way a bad mum for feeling like that, you must be frazzled!

This is exactly why I said yes even though I wasn't 100%... She's very good with the baby and understands that Mum is tired or feeding or whatever, but she needs some nice things as well. I will choose better next time!