Having child's friends round after school

balletshoes

mysk_girl wrote: »

I'm going to be charitable and go with over-excited and tired. A bit of egging on of each other and lack of normal supervision added up to not a nice experience.

Mine are all in bed now asleep and OH is home so I am starting to feel better again!

Still interested re the parents attending / not attending play dates though, at what age do you stop going with your kids?

as I said, I never accompanied my daughter on playdates, from the time she started reception at school age 4. I never had any mum come with their child to playdates at my house either, once the kids were at school.
At nursery school we did accompany, or more likely all met up at the park/jungle gym, the kids would play while we had a coffee there together etc.

Buttonmoons

My daughter is 6 and since P1 - 5 she has went to friends without me - to be honest the parents know Im busy with work/or college that I can't usually justify sitting around being bored in someone elses house for 2hours!

My house seems to be a free for all at the mo though, always a child trying to invite themselves back to mine or for a sleepover. Not unheard of for me to have 3/4 of them on a Saturday night, doesn't bother me mind :rotfl: none of them would dare jump on my furniture or draw on my walls and if they did I deffo would be shouting.

bubblegumcola

My house is not particularly tidy at the best of times but I am particularly unhappy about letting friends inside to play with my children. In decent weather they are allowed to play in the garden but that's it, the only time I let them in the house is for the loo or for a drink of juice/snack but they are made to have it outside. We do also have a child who only seems to want to visit my child when he is hungry and proceeds to ask for lots of snacks!!! His house is directly behind mine and there is definitely no shortage of food in his own house!
If they make a mess in the garden then they are told to tidy it up. I have had kids empty everything including my clothes pegs all over the garden and throw things in the neighbours garden but they are told that is not acceptable and if they cant stop wrecking my garden and others then they are not welcome. I also draw the line at friends inviting their friends over who are not friends with my kids. This has happened and I've ended up with about ten kids in the garden which I'm not happy about for several reasons. I don't know the friends of friends and I don't know how happy the parents of these children would be knowing they are in a strangers garden. The couple of times it has happened I have had to yell at the kids and tell them to get out.
I live in a reasonably nice estate but we have one brat who takes great offence if my child is not in or if we are all out and he can't play with my son. One year he wrote his name in marker pen on my doorstep when we were out (upon complaining to his mother she said it was to let my son know he had been round for him!!! She never offered to scrub my doorstep clean which really annoyed me) and last summer another child put wet newspaper all over my front door as he was unhappy my son was out with his dad. So that child was banned!
When my other children were younger I also had to put a lock on my gate to stop other kids (who weren't friends with mine) coming into our back garden to play on our climbing frame after our neighbour tipped us off when we were away for a weekend.

Give them an inch and they will take a mile. It is your house and your rules, they need to learn and if the parents don't like their children being told off for misbehaving in your house then don't let them in your house again. Do not feel pressured to just let the little darlings do what they like. They still need to know right from wrong and respect other people's property if they are a guest in your home.

thunderbird

I never went with my kids on playdates - they started going round to friends houses from pre-school.

I only have 2 kids though and only 2 years apart, so I never had a baby to look after whilst they had friends round. I can imagine in your house it is a very stressful situation!

I agree with the others on the 'our house, our rules'. and I would think nothing of telling children off if they are doing something wrong (although more politely than I would do to my own!)

I think that sticking to a rule of only having friends if it is pre-arranged could be a good way to go.

YORKSHIRELASS

When my kids were small I worked long hours so playdates were always tricky and with me having two kids very close together in age it could all quickly descend into chaos. My kids probably didnt do as many playdates as some of their friends when they were small and as teenagers it hasnt done them any harm.

When we did do playdates it was always without parents once they were at primary school.

I wouldnt beat yourself up about it if playdates are just too difficult for now or if you have to restrict them to an occasional thing. I am sure it wont do your daughter any harm.

FrugalMummy

I think its perfectly normal to be annoyed and not want to have friends over for now. In future when she wants to have friends over you could ask a mate to come round and help a couple of times until the baby gets older? At least you will have more support and you wont feel as bad.

building_with_lego

In our area if the child is invited for tea they are picked up from school by the host parent and collected or dropped off afterwards. The other option, mentioned above, is to invite a child, with its parent, for a coffee, cake and a play after school one day. That's quite a nice way to get to know the other parents, actually, and is short enough that if they or the child is awful you can get rid of them sharpish

There's not necessarily any need to reciprocate invitations, either; if your daughter gets invited to her friends' houses they may not be expecting the return invitation. If they do you can easily say that "once the baby's a bit bigger and into a routine/ the middle one's at nursery/ the extension's finished you'll have little Johnny over but it's not convenient for the foreseeable" *apologetic smile*.

building_with_lego

Oh, and I'd be sure to let that child's parent know exactly how she's behaved at your house. A friend of mine had a similar visit, but with nail varnish on the walls of her (rented) home, and a full bottle of expensive bubblebath used to turn the bathroom into a foam party. She held back from telling the mother how her horrors had behaved and is now talked about as someone who only invites children once, regardless of how many invitations her children receive. In a small village that can be quite isolating

System

Maybe i'm a bit mean but i think children of school age see enough of eachother at school without bringing them home as well.

Jellybro

You could always invite one of yor dds friends back for just an hour or so after school.... It doesn't have to be for tea.
I used to walk the kids home via a playground for half an hour to let off a bit of excitement.... Then back for a drink, snack and hours play before parent picked them up.