The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 12

The_Boss

16 AFDs, 46 in a row. 18 lbs lost. Not counting tonight as, although I have no intention to drink, the day is not over.

CuppaTea

Hi everyone, just had a catch up, welcome to TMD (big wave).

Shaggy, I agree with you 41's list makes awful reading. But 41 you are doing so well, I think you are amazing, that list would be enough to bring anyone down, especially with so many deaths in the same place. You couldn't even write a soap about that one.

My update:- 13/24 AF's please shaggy and a 4/4 SNC, not that we are counting. I looked at the calendar and realised that as long as I only drink on saturday night, I will still be well within my target. I won't drink tonight as I am driving and possibly not tomorrow as I have no plans and I am trying no to drink on my own. Being quite successful with that one.

My main issue at the moment, apart from the usual stuff with Bill and my single parent life, is LONLINESS. I don't feel part of any thing and have had this feeling for most of my life. Obviously I felt it less whilst in relationships, but I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. Not at work, in the playground, the park. I am really trying not to let it bother me but its hard when you see and hear people arranging stuff all around you and i'm usually not included, I'm not part of anyone's social database.

I'm not totally billy no-mates, but I do feel quite lonely. I have thought about what I can do to help myself, but I can't commit with any regularity to starting a group/club/hobby due to irregular babysitters. I feel alone a lot.

Quite often once the kids get in from school I don't have another adult conversation until the next day, usually meaningless pleasantries with other mums or work colleagues.

I;ve examined my own behaviours and asked the few friends I have to be honest with me, but they are drawing blanks. I know I am very sensitive so try not to take things literally. E.g. one mum used to be very friendly to me but now will barely say hello. I try to think well the only thing we have in common is our kids at school, ordinarily our paths wouldn't cross. Its just hurtful when I just feel so on the outside of everything in every aspect in my life. But I do realise I need to take some responsibility for this.

I am being realistic and tackling one issue at a time. I need to get my job sorted, still looking, but hopefully there will be an opportunity at work already, my manager spoke to me this week and is pushing extra hours for me. Fingers crossed.

Then I know what days I will be working and can organise my life better. Maybe have set days to see people or organise stuff. I kind of feel I don't organise or arrange until last minute as I panic when I feel I have too much to do over a week and whether I'll have the energy to keep up with it all, or the happy mood too. Then I realise I don't have enough nice stuff planned and my week is all work, chores, housework and drudge. I can't win can I?

I remember feeling like this over 12 years ago when my first marriage ended, I was single and living alone for a while and was very lonely, but I did have a dog and some freedom of an evening.

I have felt quite low this week and cried a lot, nearly called the samaritans at times but then got busy with stuff and didn't have the time....lol. Daft old me.

I am reading a book my mum recommended about positive thinking and a "I could" attitude rather than an "I should", which only promotes guilt and approval from others. I am changing my thinking from never feeling good enough, to i am ok. Or when looking at myself in the mirror and being critical about what I see, I say to myself "I'm ok, in fact (my son's name) tells me I am beautiful and I'm not that wrinkly". Bless him, but I am using my 6 year old's viewpoint to make myself feel better and give myself permission to accept and learn to love myself.

Well this essay hasn't really been alcohol, its been more about self esteem, but in a way, they are both related.

CuppaTea

Lilith1980 wrote: »

On a good note, I had my deposit back from my landlord for the other place so that's a weight off my mind

Yay, great news, you can cut all ties with the old place now and get paid for it too!! :rotfl:

Oh and is your hot water working yet?

41_and_i_know_it

CuppaTea, you sound very similar to me. There is a reason why we don't seem to be part of the jetset. We are strong enough to stand alone, and when they need a free-thinker and leader they will turn to us. We are not sheep, we are true to ourselves. It is lonely, it is heart-breaking, there is no reason for it. People just seem to do these things, I think you are so great and if you ever want to chat I am here, we all could do with a friend, I know I do and I feel lonely a lot, will you be one of mine, and anyone else who wants to be too is more than welcome.

CuppaTea

41 I consider you a friend and have done since we met on here, thank you! Maybe we can help each other a bit and eventually it will overflow into real life? A virtual hug is great, but doesn't compare to a meaningful real one, from a family member, friend or someone who cares.

I am feeling sorry for myself as I am sat here, doing jobs the net and surfing here. I helped at school this morning, said goodbye to my babies at lunchtime and now won't see them until 5pm tomorrow. I have arranged to go and spend a few hours this evening with another single mum, who's house trapped tonight, but have nothing planned for tomorrow. I have gone through my phone but there is no one suitably available for texting suggestions/arrangements with. I've left it last minute.com, as I explained before, having too much on leaves me feeling stressed. Having nothing planned makes me feel lonely. I think I am my own worst enemy. I can cope on my own and am used to my own company, buts its out of necessity rather than choice.

Seeing 2.4 families around that I used to socialise with still stings a bit.

Thanks 41 for your understanding and honesty.

Lilith1980

CuppaTea wrote: »

Yay, great news, you can cut all ties with the old place now and get paid for it too!! :rotfl:

Oh and is your hot water working yet?

Indeed it is! The landlord sent the plumber round a couple of days after I rang him and he sorted it. Hot showers ever since - bliss

((hugs)) for you Cuppa, I used to be very sensitive about other people, and took things to heart if they, for some reason, didn't seem to act the same towards me as they used to. Have you been like this for long, or do you think it is because you are feeling particularly low at the moment?

I found that as I gained more confidence, I didn't put so much weight in what people thought of me. It's very strange, I can't imagine being the person I used to be but I was that way since I was 14 and it took me until my late twenties to be able to say 's0d it'

Barny1979

16 AFDs for me tonight

trulymadlydeeply_indebt!

Thank you all for the kind welcome. I was hoping not to drink this weekend as OH is away for a couple of nights and I have the kids all to myself (YAY), however, came home from work and the kids said they'd like to go to Youth Club. This means killing 2 hours in town and me and OH would normally go to the pub during that time. So at 7pm I dropped them off and then went for a walk for an hour through the park and along the river with the dog, popping into Sainsbobs afterwards for a bottle of wine to savour this weekend. At 8pm I went into an Indian restaurant and had a beautiful meal and a one glass of the white stuff. Collected the kids at 9pm, came home, chilled the wine and I am now on my 2nd glass. I'll finish the 2nd half tomorrow night and then do an SNC.

My motivation is health benefits, money saving, weight loss and a perkier me. I don't think I want to go teetotal just yet, just reduce my consumption considerably.

Thanks for having me.

Shaggy, please put me down for a full SNC for this coming week, ta very muchly xx

ChocolateCupcake

Hi everyone.
Its been a while since I popped in, but my drinking is well under control at the moment as I joined Weight Watchers and can't afford to spend the points on alcohol!!!
Glad to see you are all doing well.
x

satchmo1

Hugs to everyone, and especially to Cuppa and 41, and welcome to TMD. After a 4:45 am start yesterday, I had a very welcome cold beer on arrival at the wedding hotel yesterday at 3pm which washed away the travel weariness, then shared a bottle of white wine at dinner with my DH, so although I can update to 16/20 AFDs, I deliberately set my target to 20 with this holiday in mind. Glorious Polish sunshine. The wedding starts at 3pm and is likely to go on until 5am (eek). The groom is my DH's English nephew and the bride is a lovely Polish girl.

Another nephew is engaged to an even lovelier German girl, so it looks like there'll be a wedding in another country next year.

This location is about 25k outside Krakow. We are moving to a hotel in Krakow tomorrow, where we'll stay and sight-see until Thursday.

Happy days.