The Great 'What women want for Valentine's' Hunt



  • rospax
    rospax Posts: 26 Forumite
    Every year since we met, me aged 14 and him 16, my Japanese pen friend has sent me a Valentine's card signed "from your ever faithful secret admirer", and every year I do the same for him. I'm 52 now and have kept every one, along with the exquisite birthday cards and clever musical Christmas cards I receive every year from him, and the lengthy and detailed letters we wrote each other over many years while we were growing up. We were never in love, just started with a chance meeting at a youth summer camp and developed into a fascination with each other's lives and culture, and we became close friends over the years. We're both married and he has a grown up son, and our families have been introduced to each other - it's no secret, and our spouses are quite happy about the arrangement. My husband even looks forward to seeing envelopes arrive for me from Japan! Whatever has gone on in my life and love relationships across the years, I have the knowledge that there has always been someone there thinking about me from time-to-time - and that, and the loyalty of that friendship, is priceless.

    My husband and I remind ourselves of our love for each other every day, so Valentine's Day is not needed for that. We do things differently every year on the day, depending on our circumstances and how we are each feeling about this commercial occasion - meals in or out, flowers (both ways - he likes freesias), the odd gift or card, and several years nothing - and we do all these same things on the other 364 days of the year too! My favourite gifts are when he has chosen a piece of his favourite art and made it into a card for me, and perhaps the best of all was when he printed out the poem "I carry your heart" for me. And his favourite from me was the year I made a jar containing "101 reasons why I love you" written on slips of paper, each beginning "because...". It still sits in his studio and he still dips into it if he's feeling sad, lonely or unloveable.

    I truly believe that Valentine's Day changes meaning for you through the years. For the young, just starting out in love relationships, it's a way of finding courage to profess or demonstrate your attraction; as you move into steady relationships it's a way of celebrating your connection and enjoying a bit of sauce; and as you mature together, depending on your relationship and how demonstrative you are in your love, you may, like us, start to question what it brings that you don't already have.

    This year, we have a friend staying who has just split from a long marriage. I expect the last thing we do will be to get all lovey dovey in front of him, remind him what he's lost. Sometimes friendship and kindness are more important than marking an externally imposed calendar date.
  • sharnad
    sharnad Posts: 9,904 Forumite
    A lovely meal out some flowers champagne chocolate truffles and a present will do for me - no idea what to get him though
    Needing to lose weight start date 26 December 2011 current loss 60 pound Down. Lots more to go to get into my size 6 jeans
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