What's happening to me??

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Maybe it's not the right idea to talk to him.... as some have said.. but where exactly does that leave you?? You are not happy, you haven't been for a while... I think you need to find the courage and do what you need to do, or, as I mentioned you will be perhaps 10 years down the line and feeling worse.....

GlynD

GoldenJill wrote: »

Maybe it's not the right idea to talk to him.... as some have said.. but where exactly does that leave you?? You are not happy, you haven't been for a while... I think you need to find the courage and do what you need to do, or, as I mentioned you will be perhaps 10 years down the line and feeling worse.....

I disagree. I think talking about problems in a relationship is part of the process of working at it. If you want the relationship to succeed both parties have to do all they can to keep the other party happy. That means sacrifices and one of those is starting the conversation.

Coconut_2

I had my chat... not sure if it did any good, but it didn't do any harm. I think I said everything I'm feeling.. he said he feels a bit "disconnected" too sometimes, but it always passes...

We didn't reach any conclusion though, I think I can only wait some time and see how I'm feeling, don't know what else can I do for the moment.

Thanks all for your help.

podperson

I think it's good you managed to talk to him about it but doesn't sound like much was resolved? Did you discuss whether there was anything he could do, or you could do together as a couple that might help you feel happier or more connected to each other?

quinechinoise

Coconut wrote: »

I don't feel like being with him, or even sleeping in the same bed (he snores so I usually sleep in another room, at the beginning I felt lonely, but now I prefer it).

Do you actually dislike him or have you been suffering from insomnia and sleep deprivation for a long period of time? It can lead to more serious things like mild depression. Now that you are sleeping in a different room - and hopefully getting a full night's sleep - you may gradually become more energised and happier. Perhaps you should just give it some time if, like me, you find it takes a long time to restore your "normal" sleep cycle. Staying up late or suffering insomnia, even for one night, throws me for weeks.

You don't need to spend all your time in the same room to have a relationship! When you are both happy and engaged in two-way communication, things should be... reasonable?

Coconut_2

podperson wrote: »

I think it's good you managed to talk to him about it but doesn't sound like much was resolved? Did you discuss whether there was anything he could do, or you could do together as a couple that might help you feel happier or more connected to each other?

We did, but we were not sure what to do.. we decided to take a short trip (I always want to travel more, he's very reluctant to spend money..), and maybe go for dinner to a nice place more often (we used to go out more but we don't anymore, not sure why..).

The thing is we spend almost 24h a day together.. but I still feel we are not close.. I really wish we didn't work together (we both do), but neither of us wants to look for another job...

FBaby

Well that last message explains a lot. You seem to spend a lot of time as business associates or colleagues yet little time as a couple. You have focused on quantity over quality. It's now pretty clear where you guys are going wrong. Even more than for couples not working together you need to separate work and relationship. You MUST make time to enjoy and relax together. You say it yourself things have gone down since you've stopped going out together. don't just agree you should do it take an active role and make plans. Of course you need to be able to afford it but out has to become a priority.

dandelionclock30

I think you sound very bored with him. I personally dont believe in flogging a dead horse. Why not give it a few months of you both trying harder etc and then if things dont change then leave him and look towards getting someone more exciting?.
In life people do change and grow apart and your not stuck with your partner for life anymore like years ago.
Also while you feel like this you can always be developing your own hobbies and interests and you will then be meeting other people that way.So you could meet someone better through this or at least you would be doing different things.
You only live once, dont spend all your life bored and fed up.You dont owe him anything.

podperson

Coconut wrote: »

We did, but we were not sure what to do.. we decided to take a short trip (I always want to travel more, he's very reluctant to spend money..), and maybe go for dinner to a nice place more often (we used to go out more but we don't anymore, not sure why..).

The thing is we spend almost 24h a day together.. but I still feel we are not close.. I really wish we didn't work together (we both do), but neither of us wants to look for another job...

I do know what you mean as OH as I do some freelance work together and are hoping to increase this so especially at weekends it can be a question of spending 24hrs a day together but not really having any 'us' time - say out working for hours then come back, check it over, by then we're tired so he might be playing a game for a bit while I watch tv or read -so we're 'together' but not really connecting.

We do try and set aside time just to spend together though - and it doesn't have to cost money. A couple of nights a week we might just have a few beers, maybe play some games, listen to music (we used to have nights where we'd take it in turns to choose tracks), just chat and have a catch up. When the weather's better we might go for walks or out somewhere for the day. Basically just taking some time to actually feel like a 'couple' rather then two people who live together/work together. You'll know better what works for you, what kind of things do you enjoy, what do you have in common, what did you do when you first got together etc.

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GlynD wrote: »

I disagree. I think talking about problems in a relationship is part of the process of working at it. If you want the relationship to succeed both parties have to do all they can to keep the other party happy. That means sacrifices and one of those is starting the conversation.

So you recommend Coconut saying nothing, being unhappy and getting more unhappy and therefore probably ending up in a worse position and feeling a huge amount worse than they already do now at a much later date?

I know what you are saying, however, you can't keep everything bottled up, it is incredibly unhealthy and not good for Coconut or their relationship.

Just to be clear from my post and previous one (if you take the time to read I am advocating a gentle chat, not against it!!)