teach son about his background?

sweetsheep84

Hi all, I would like to know what you think in this situation I have at the moment.

My son only started school last Thursday (reception class, only moved into the area not long ago). Dropped him off in the morning while he was crying but was told he was fine by mid day. So I was not too worried. Picked him up later and he started saying that he does not want to go in tomorrow because of someone asking him questions he does not like. Tried talking to him about this but he blatantly refused to talk about it (almost cried too!!) He still went in on Friday but did not seem too happy about it. Me and OH finally got bits of information on Saturday from son. He said someone was asking him what colour he is and he does not know how to answer (he is mixed race so not as dark as some but not as light as the rest).

I don't think he is scared of the new environment (he was in nursery before, absolutely loved it and still wanted to go in during holidays. Plus he already made a 'girlfriend' in the new school)

I feel I should just have a quick word with his teacher but I do not know how to phrase it. Hate to see him being so upset about going to school everyday and it should not be such a hassle for his age!!

BitterAndTwisted

If the only problem is that he doesn't know how to answer the question of what colour he is, just tell him.

Mojisola

sweetsheep84 wrote: »

He said someone was asking him what colour he is and he does not know how to answer (he is mixed race so not as dark as some but not as light as the rest).

I don't think this is bullying. It's just children being curious about each other.

Teach him some answers - "What colour are you?" - "The best colour", "The right colour", "A mix of Mum and Dad, just like you are" - find something he's happy to say.

surfboard2

This isn't bullying imo.

Thing is, kids are going to ask or make comments about things like this. I remember doing work experience in a nursery and one of the kids commenting on my skin colour.

Agree with Mojisola in regards to teaching him some answers. Maybe you could even get him a book?

sweetsheep84

Thank you. I will try. He keeps running away from this topic and simply refuses talking about it. Me and OH have always taught him about his background. Guess we will have to keep banging out about it more often :rotfl:

Mojisola

It could be worth having a word with the class teacher if it's really upsetting him. He/she could then do a general session on how we're all different - hair colour, eye colour, height, etc.

b_girl

Hi!
I'm a reception teacher and also wouldn't class this as bullying. It sounds like the kind of thing children in my class would say to each other. They are just so honest and curious! I've had times when they have asked why my tummy is big (before I was expecting!) and why my hair is messy that day etc.

I agree about maybe talking to your son so if he is asked similar questions in future he feels more confident giving an answer

b_girl

Mojisola wrote: »

It could be worth having a word with the class teacher if it's really upsetting him. He/she could then do a general session on how we're all different - hair colour, eye colour, height, etc.

Agree completely!

FBaby

whereas I understand you asking advice on how to deal with this issue, especially in regards to discussing it with your son so he can provide a response he is proud of, I don't understand your title at all. How does this account to bullying? A curious 4 year old actually asked your son directly (rather than making comments behind his back), surely that's the exact opposite of bullying? What did you expect the child to do? Not mention his skin colour at all? Why? If a child in the class had an accent, would you consider it rude for your child asking him why he has an accent and where it is from?

nixe

just say hes lucky georgous etc as he has 2 colours in him i agree
with majisola
could you have a word the teacher and get her to explain it with him helping her.
my son came home from school saying he is being bullied.
he said they keep kicking the ball at him.
next day i marched to the school demanding to know why and who are these childrens mothers i wanted action.
she goes where/ are you xxx when they kick the ball at you?
he says he is goal.
face went blood red and i made my way out the class room
just wishing the floor would swallow me up.

marisco_2

I hope this doesn't come across as me undermining what was said to your son. It sounds as if a small child has shown some innocent interest in him and clumsilly asked a question without the maturity to think it through. I doubt any malice was meant in the question, it was most probably childish curiosity.

Do mention the incident to the class teacher though by saying that a child made a comment regarding your sons skin colour which has upset him. A good school will want to sort this out. Teachers often use social stories to explain new experiences and emotions to children when incidences like this arise. Or the teacher could do a subtle circle time on accepting others regardless of their skin, hair, eye colour etc.

Dont feel worried about raising this with the school and getting it sorted out. They will appreciate being formed and having the opportunity to enable your son to settle and feel calm and happy in his new environment.