Balancing not just the budget

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Yes, I do

It's alright for some...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I don't know that they wish to remain single - I think it's more a case of preferring to accept it and make plans on that basis than actively try to change it.

Never give up.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Bills paid and the total is £8,550 which is a couple of hundred quid up on last time

This is partly due to the shopping trip but also due to STILL not having been paid properly :mad::mad: - I reckon they owe me about another £400 but need to get my paycheque tomorrow to try and sort it out. So not feeling too guilty.

So does that mean you're trying to live up to your expected pay? Is it a permanent uplift?

RosaBernicia wrote: »

also I need some money for a social life since it is picking up a bit.

:T

RosaBernicia

ZTD wrote: »

Never give up.

That's my take on it - I wouldn't expect anything else in my life to happen automatically, and I think I need to accept that finding a partner requires at least actively looking.

ZTD wrote: »

So does that mean you're trying to live up to your expected pay? Is it a permanent uplift?

There is an element of that in that I have allowed myself to 'spend' about half of the uplift, which I thought was sorted for coming through this month. I'll hassle payroll tomorrow.

Part of that is to allow myself to feel that the additional hassle is worthwhile (believe me there is significant additional travel, hassle and nonsense), and part of it because I genuinely do need to work on my wardrobe at this point. I last bought stuff around the first year of the Masters and the things that were already wearing at that point are now really not presentable enough for work, plus I ditched the laptop bags that I used to take to college as they had such associations of being completely knackered and fed up. And it doesn't help that the new job means I'm going into head office and can't wear jeans or stuff that I might get away with in the local office.

It isn't a permanent uplift at present, and part of the conversation with my director tomorrow will be to establish whether I stay in the current interim role or move elsewhere. I'd prefer to move, but I need to be careful how I negotiate this. Either way, I should get a permanent role at the current interim level. If for some reason it all fell apart, I'd still be OK on my basic it would just take longer to pay stuff off. All housebuying plans are now abandoned until permanent job clarified which in combo with the graduate scheme interviews probably means April.


Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

There is an element of that in that I have allowed myself to 'spend' about half of the uplift, which I thought was sorted for coming through this month. I'll hassle payroll tomorrow.

Part of that is to allow myself to feel that the additional hassle is worthwhile (believe me there is significant additional travel, hassle and nonsense), and part of it because I genuinely do need to work on my wardrobe at this point.

Well if you're spending a couple hundred quid extra a month, and that's only half of the post-tax uplift - then that's a reasonable rise.

You should be able to get a decent wardrobe for that. No...scratch that...a man would get a decent wardrobe for that... :rotfl:

RosaBernicia

Good news: have killed another credit card. Paid it off last night when I got the statement and will call to cancel it on the weekend. This leaves me with only two cards, one of which is all at 6.8%, and I will be transferring as much as possible of the expensive one to that shortly. Then hopefully I can kill off the last expensive one.

So-so news: I have a couple of gorgeous tailored dresses to wear for interviews and important meetings. I feel so much better in these than previous scruffy or not smart enough work clothes, and one of them was from a local outlet centre and much reduced. However, combined with a gorgeous winter coat and a fab sparkly dress for going out (which was much less expensive lol), it means I've spent about £500 and basically taken a payment holiday.

What next: it's Samhain, which the Celts considered to be the new year's eve. I really like this - it makes more sense to me to think about harvest and new plans together. So I'm thinking tonight about what I want for the next year.

I ran into an old flame yesterday - which I don't think will be rekindled, but it's helped to remind how lucky I was, and hope that maybe I will be again.


Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Good news: have killed another credit card. Paid it off last night when I got the statement and will call to cancel it on the weekend. This leaves me with only two cards, one of which is all at 6.8%, and I will be transferring as much as possible of the expensive one to that shortly. Then hopefully I can kill off the last expensive one.

And then hopefully after that, kill the cheap one. Then you'll have got your goal.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

So I'm thinking tonight about what I want for the next year.

Well, don't keep us in suspense...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I ran into an old flame yesterday - which I don't think will be rekindled, but it's helped to remind how lucky I was, and hope that maybe I will be again.

Lucky? Perhaps you were just the best there was - never thought of that?

Believe in yourself.

RosaBernicia

ZTD wrote: »

Lucky? Perhaps you were just the best there was - never thought of that?

Believe in yourself.

Oh, I think we were both lucky. I meant lucky to have experienced a love that still affects us both deeply when we've been apart ten years. I'm not sure everyone gets that.

I'll post a bit of the letter I just wrote to a friend about it, as I probably do need to be reminded.

"Perhaps the gift I have received yesterday is just the reminder that real love exists. As I said to you by text, it seems almost too much to hope that lightning will strike twice, and yet… I do hope. Not only that, I still can’t settle for less. I think that is part of the difference between me and [him] – I believed that love should be all, and still do, and I would rather have my freedom with the space for love to find me than an unhappy safety."



Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Oh, I think we were both lucky. I meant lucky to have experienced a love that still affects us both deeply when we've been apart ten years. I'm not sure everyone gets that.

I'll post a bit of the letter I just wrote to a friend about it, as I probably do need to be reminded.

"Perhaps the gift I have received yesterday is just the reminder that real love exists. As I said to you by text, it seems almost too much to hope that lightning will strike twice, and yet… I do hope. Not only that, I still can’t settle for less. I think that is part of the difference between me and [him] – I believed that love should be all, and still do, and I would rather have my freedom with the space for love to find me than an unhappy safety."

That is lovely. Can I pry and ask what happened?

RosaBernicia

ZTD wrote: »

That is lovely. Can I pry and ask what happened?

You can pry but I'm afraid the answer just sounds like a cliche.


(As far as we know at this point in the story, he remains unhappily married, and she is unhappily single, but there is probably too much water under bridge and other carp still remaining for them to maintain a relationship and they've never managed to keep things as just friends.)


I had tried to convince myself that a cliche was all it was, because in a way that hurt less, but it's become clear this week that it was real. Which is some ways is wonderful, and in other ways just seems a terrible waste.


Rosa xx

RosaBernicia

Apparently my paid off account is

• Not yet closed, because they will be sending me a final statement for interest accrued between them generating the statement and me paying it (approx £1.20);
• Closed, because the balance is zero until they generate that statement, and refusing a rate rise ages ago means that as soon as the account hits zero it will be closed;
• Not yet closed, because they really want me to pay that statement and won't either cancel it or tell me a figure to pay immediately;
• Closed, because they're sending me written confirmation;
• Not yet closed, because they won't tell the credit ref agencies until I've paid that final statement.

All clear as fkg mud then. Idiots. :mad::mad:


Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

You can pry but I'm afraid the answer just sounds like a cliche.

Cliches are cliches because they've happened to lots of people.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Junior staff member and older, married head of department find themselves in an unlikely but genuine friendship. There are later suggestions of more, which go nowhere until head of dept explains he is now separated, and intending to divorce. They have six months or so together, in which somehow the sweetness and openness to each other makes up for the anxieties and hiding from everyone else. It ends when he decides he can't go through with a divorce as he thinks his child is better off having two unhappy parents who dislike each other under the same roof, than two happy parents in functioning relationships and nearby.

Footnote: he changes his mind shortly afterwards, but she can't be sure he means it this time.

That's because he's a muppet.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

They avoid each other for years, as by now both are hurting.

Yes, not surprising. In a situation like that, there are no right answers, not even a best answer - everyone hurts in some way no matter what. The worst answer however is to flop around like a landed fish going every which way.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

(As far as we know at this point in the story, he remains unhappily married, and she is unhappily single, but there is probably too much water under bridge and other carp still remaining for them to maintain a relationship and they've never managed to keep things as just friends.)

I had tried to convince myself that a cliche was all it was, because in a way that hurt less, but it's become clear this week that it was real. Which is some ways is wonderful, and in other ways just seems a terrible waste.

Well it is, but spending time dwelling is not going to make it less of a waste - only more. Hard as it is, you are going to have to move onwards from the past unless you want to live there.

You can get struck by lightning again - but not if you live in a cave.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Apparently my paid off account is

• Not yet closed, because they will be sending me a final statement for interest accrued between them generating the statement and me paying it (approx £1.20);
• Closed, because the balance is zero until they generate that statement, and refusing a rate rise ages ago means that as soon as the account hits zero it will be closed;
• Not yet closed, because they really want me to pay that statement and won't either cancel it or tell me a figure to pay immediately;
• Closed, because they're sending me written confirmation;
• Not yet closed, because they won't tell the credit ref agencies until I've paid that final statement.

All clear as fkg mud then. Idiots. :mad::mad:

It does illustrate however, that not many people must pay their accounts off if you've confused them that much.

Maybe you should try them again, see if you get a different answer again. "Gotta collect them all!" as they say... :rotfl: