Balancing not just the budget

RosaBernicia

Ah, wise Z. You're right, and avoiding being pulled in all directions was why I just cut contact. And he is a muppet - but so are most of us, especially in love. And I still have a decision to make about if I'm going to run into him - would it be more painful for either/ both of us to say the personal things, or not to acknowledge any of it?


Anyway:

• Spent most of last night sad and debating whether it would help to just send him a message and let him know I wish him well, even [STRIKE]if [/STRIKE]though we can't be together.
• Decided to make trek to location we went to together, just for the purpose of shouting at the sea and ensuring that I really had to think about things during the travel time. I felt like I left something of myself there and finally wanted it back.
• Woke up and decided trip was probably pointless and unnecessary (and since this is the MSE board, I needn't be embarrassed to also say expensive :rotfl:).
• Took out the envelope with all his letters - I'd even sellotaped it shut - to read this morning. It's made me feel a little better. The one that made me cry was actually the one I never sent him, which reads like a much restrained howl of loss, and says all the things I believe about the importance of love and don't often say aloud. I am amazed at myself. I had forgotten I was so brave. I think I've found the part of myself I wanted back after all.

And now instead of a day on the train, I am sitting in my living room with a pair of happy moggies sleeping and occasionally squeaking (them not me), with time to meditate on it all and then not only finish the chores I've been avoiding but go into town as well.

I was even debating trying to fit in going to the gym, but that might have to wait. I think if I'm going out to try and attract lightning, I need to work on putting some of what's inside on show not just improving the outside.


Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Ah, wise Z.

Well you definitely haven't met me - have you. :rotfl:

RosaBernicia wrote: »

You're right, and avoiding being pulled in all directions was why I just cut contact. And he is a muppet - but so are most of us, especially in love.

This is so true.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

And I still have a decision to make about if I'm going to run into him - would it be more painful for either/ both of us to say the personal things, or not to acknowledge any of it?

It will be equally painful. It's not the pain at stake, it's the courage. It takes more guts to say the personal things, simply because that opens you up to the scary vulnerability, and with that comes the fear of it not being reciprocated.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Anyway:

• Spent most of last night sad and debating whether it would help to just send him a message and let him know I wish him well, even [STRIKE]if [/STRIKE]though we can't be together.

Help whom?

RosaBernicia wrote: »

• Decided to make trek to location we went to together, just for the purpose of shouting at the sea

Why not? Let it all out.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

• Took out the envelope with all his letters - I'd even sellotaped it shut - to read this morning. It's made me feel a little better. The one that made me cry was actually the one I never sent him, which reads like a much restrained howl of loss, and says all the things I believe about the importance of love and don't often say aloud. I am amazed at myself. I had forgotten I was so brave. I think I've found the part of myself I wanted back after all.

Don't sellotape up parts of your soul inside an envelope. It's not where it belongs.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

And now instead of a day on the train, I am sitting in my living room with a pair of happy moggies sleeping and occasionally squeaking (them not me),

They probably need oiling.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

with time to meditate on it all and then not only finish the chores I've been avoiding but go into town as well.

I was even debating trying to fit in going to the gym, but that might have to wait.

:rotfl:

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I think if I'm going out to try and attract lightning, I need to work on putting some of what's inside on show not just improving the outside.

Or do both. The outside makes you feel better inside, which makes the outside better - and so on. Confidence is a key thing.

RosaBernicia

ZTD wrote: »

It will be equally painful. It's not the pain at stake, it's the courage. It takes more guts to say the personal things, simply because that opens you up to the scary vulnerability, and with that comes the fear of it not being reciprocated.

True. Still not sure which way to go on this one.

ZTD wrote: »

Help whom?

Both or either of us. I've realised today that I am still adrenalined-up over this whole thing, and I think a lot of it was simply the unpredictability of it. I really didn't know if I would see him, and if so whether he would ignore me, talk to me normally, or... Or I don't know. But as I don't know how he'd react to an approach either, it may not help matters anyhow. And it's unlikely we'll run into each other very often. So for now I will leave well alone.

ZTD wrote: »

Why not? Let it all out.

Well, mostly because I ended up deciding if I was going to shout and/ or cry I might as well do it in the warm and dry, without being stared at by strangers and with a guilt free £50 that I would otherwise have spent on train fare to spend on other things to cheer me up :rotfl:

It's not as romantic but it's less hassle. And I try to reserve romantic hassle for where it's really required :rotfl:

ZTD wrote: »

They probably need oiling.

It would almost be worth trying that just for the laugh. Except that I might not get all my fingers back.

ZTD wrote: »

Or do both. The outside makes you feel better inside, which makes the outside better - and so on. Confidence is a key thing.

That's kinda what I concluded... so I kept a dress I wanted rather than taking it back, wore it out shopping and bought myself some rather fab face goop.

The gym is still waiting :rotfl:



Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

True. Still not sure which way to go on this one.

Do what everyone else does: Make a decision then ignore it when the time comes and just make it up as you go along.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Well, mostly because I ended up deciding if I was going to shout and/ or cry I might as well do it in the warm and dry, without being stared at by strangers and with a guilt free £50 that I would otherwise have spent on train fare to spend on other things to cheer me up :rotfl:

It's not as romantic but it's less hassle. And I try to reserve romantic hassle for where it's really required :rotfl:

If it's truly romantic, then it won't be hassle.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

It would almost be worth trying that just for the laugh. Except that I might not get all my fingers back.

You would get them back eventually. It'll probably take 2 days to get them back...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

That's kinda what I concluded... so I kept a dress I wanted rather than taking it back, wore it out shopping

That must have been on hell of a shopping trip if it wore out a dress... :eek:

RosaBernicia wrote: »

and bought myself some rather fab face goop.

Fab face goop? It make you look like a member of Thunderbirds??

RosaBernicia wrote: »

The gym is still waiting :rotfl:

I hope it's not holding it's breath...

RosaBernicia

ZTD wrote: »

Do what everyone else does: Make a decision then ignore it when the time comes and just make it up as you go along.

:rotfl:

ZTD wrote: »

Fab face goop? It make you look like a member of Thunderbirds??

:huh: Confused, even after Google Image search... am slightly too young for Thunderbirds and they only appear to have been over-Botoxed....

so no, just Neal's Yard stuff that smells lovely and is supposed to help make me look pretty.

ZTD wrote: »

I hope it's not holding it's breath...

I doubt it, although I managed to go several times a week through March/ April. Only just getting to feel like I have the time and energy again now house buying is off the agenda.


Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

:huh: Confused, even after Google Image search...

It's something they said - you'd have been better off with youtube.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

am slightly too young for Thunderbirds

Yes, like it hasn't been repeated in every year with an April in it...

RosaBernicia wrote: »

and they only appear to have been over-Botoxed....

With the amount of money for stuff and flash cars - perhaps they're WAGs... :rotfl:

RosaBernicia

Right, quick update because I seem to have gone and got a social life from somewhere - out for lunch and this evening, out tomorrow night, meeting friend and going back to gym on Sat and possibly seeing another friend on Sunday!

Have changed my mind yet again about moving. It feels like a whole load of hassle at a time when I need my weekends and evenings to prepare for the possible job thing. There are a couple of things that irritate me about this flat (namely the carp heating and lack of hallway lighting) but I could work round those for about £40, and leave the decision until the new year when I will know for sure about at least my present job. If I left it til March when I will hopefully know about the other possibility then that would be even more sensible. As I've still heard precisely nada about the supposed flat sale, and the same about upstairs, I think it's highly unlikely I'd be asked to move before then.

Have FINALLY got my wardrobe sorted and am so chuffed with myself. It all now fits into sensible space and I've removed a load of stuff I didn't wear.

Made a start on organising my paperwork.

Re. pay nonsense - the bad news is that they did not process my stuff when they said they had *sigh* :mad: so my pay will not be right this month either. The good news is that in theory (and I now have very little faith in things happening as I'm told so am not holding my breath) it will shortly be confirmed that I will be paid at a higher level and this will be backdated. So I should have a big chunk of back pay coming in Dec ish. That would be very, very welcome as it would mean I could almost wipe out the penultimate CC and I could go into spring with only one debt at a low interest rate. Which would feel pretty good. Especially if it coincides with sorting job.

Have decided I need to give up the garage storage - it's just too expensive. Need to go over there in daylight to see what I can do about it so will try on Sunday. If I am not moving, I can get rid of a couple of things, and if I drive up to the parents for the Christmas visit I can probably leave some things with them for a few months. (Mainly paperwork which I don't feel I can risk leaving in the storage shed as it could get damp.) The rest needs reshuffling into the flat and the Ebay bags need either finally ebaying, or giving to charity when the job gets sorted. Either way, I think I'd like to get rid of it by the end of the year.

Spending not good this month and I need to do a proper review on payday and make a reasonable plan which allows for social life costs and doesn't rely on pay being sorted.


Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Right, quick update because I seem to have gone and got a social life from somewhere

:T:T:T

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Re. pay nonsense - the bad news is that they did not process my stuff when they said they had *sigh* :mad: so my pay will not be right this month either. The good news is that in theory (and I now have very little faith in things happening as I'm told so am not holding my breath)

You should have little faith even when you're told so after that little saga.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Spending not good this month and I need to do a proper review on payday and make a reasonable plan which allows for social life costs and doesn't rely on pay being sorted.

Give us an S...Give us an O...Give us an A!!

RosaBernicia

Yeeeeesss... SOA on payday when I have to face all the bills anyway.

Not looking forward to it as know the OD is as bad as last month or worse, and the CC total has probably gone up too due to clothes shopping and social life. Ah well. Onwards and upwards.

Heard today that funnily enough they don't necessarily have to backdate my pay, so will be interesting to see if that actually ever happens. I suspect there is support from some of the people making the decision but no longer believe anything I'm being told. Really hoping I will be shifting to another department actually as feeling I need a bit of a fresh start.


Rosa xx

ZTD

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Yeeeeesss...

Oh, a Jeremy Pacman impression?

RosaBernicia wrote: »

SOA on payday when I have to face all the bills anyway.

I never get my bills due on payday, always a few days afterwards, just in case it's late.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Not looking forward to it as know the OD is as bad as last month or worse, and the CC total has probably gone up too due to clothes shopping and social life. Ah well. Onwards and upwards.

If you budget for it properly, then there's no reason for it to be financed by debt. Just like the mogs.

RosaBernicia wrote: »

Heard today that funnily enough they don't necessarily have to backdate my pay, so will be interesting to see if that actually ever happens.

If they ever want people to work for an honorarium again, they're going to have to. You don't get to pull a stunt like that more than once.

Something similar at my place. If you can jump through all the hoops to actually get overtime, it's just paid at single time. This had led to a easily predictable event:


"We'd like volunteers to provide IT support out of hours. You'll get overtime if you're pulled out of bed at 2am on a Sunday."

*crickets*

RosaBernicia wrote: »

I suspect there is support from some of the people making the decision but no longer believe anything I'm being told. Really hoping I will be shifting to another department actually as feeling I need a bit of a fresh start.

Yes, try to get rid of the unfortunately well-deserved cynicism.